Josh POV
The next couple weeks I have noticed Colleen being distant from me. She is mad at the world. She keeps herself busy with Lily. It hurts me to think I am hurting her emotionally but physically I can't put her at risk. "Joshua, Lily and I are going to my moms for a few nights" she walks into my man cave saying. I stand up from the couch and walk towards her. "You don't want me to come?" I ask. "I am devastated Joshua. Looking at you reminds me of how I am ruining your dreams" she says sniffling. "Colleen you gave me Lily. We haven't even fully decided what we are doing. We have lots of time to talk about it and even if we do decide on stopping at Lily, thats fine with me. Some couples can't have any kids. We are lucky" I say tearing up. Her face is sunken in. She has lost at least 10 lbs on her tiny frame. She won't let me hold her and definitely not kiss her. She looks down at the floor and nods. She reaches her hand out to me without looking at me as if she is grabbing for something. I grab her forearm as she looks at me. "Colleen you gonna pass out baby?" I ask grabbing her waist. I lower her to the floor. "Colleen you need to take really good care of yourself. Did you eat?Take your meds?" I ask. "No" she says weakly. "Colleen you need to. This is not a choice. It is a must babe" I say. "I am sorry Joshua. I am not thinking straight. I missed you" she says hugging me. I hug her tight. "Love you babe. I know you are struggling"" I say as I kiss her neck. She lifts up her lips and grabs the back of my neck and pulls me into her. I have missed tasting her lips as we makeout further. "Baby. I am getting really excited" I say smiling through my kiss. "Then lets get to it then" she says giggling. "Let me grab a condom okay sweetheart?" I say getting up to grab one from the bathroom. "You see! You have made your decision! You won't even sleep with me in case I get pregnant. You have already closed the door on our family" she says crying again. "Colleen no....we just don't need to get pregnant right now is all. That would be our luck. Plus you said you wanted IUI if we decided to get pregnant again" I say grabbing for her. She rips her arm out of my grip and walks back in the house with the baby monitor in her hand. "I am going to Santa Barbara for a few days to think" she says as she gets up and storms across the lawn. I stand there in shock. I feel like I am loosing my wife if we don't try for another baby and I might loose her if we do get pregnant. This is a loose/loose situation.
