Josh POV
This morning was the morning of my vasectomy. I was nervous as hell. Guys aren't used to being poked and prodded by doctors like girls are. However I need to make sure another baby never happens. Colleen is healthy and I want to keep her that way. We sit and eat breakfast silently. She isn't happy about us not having more kids but I think she is understanding why when she finally looks back at her past struggles. I reach for her hand and squeeze it. I really need her to be there for me. "Babe" I say quietly. She looks up and smiles. "Remember we have three kids baby. We are so lucky" I say. "I know. Just sad is all" she says. I nod and pick up our dishes as she puts her shoes on. She goes and sits in the car waiting for me. I sit down and look at her. "Babe I am so nervous. Can you please give me a hug?" I ask. She leans in to me and hugs me tight. "Thank you for our family baby" she says crying. I rub her back. "I did nothing babe. You went through everything hun" I say kissing her neck. She is so distraught. I pull out of the hug and look at her. "Why are you so upset?" I ask her. "Cause I love you and I want one more. I don't think we are done" she says. "I am sorry baby but your body has been through enough" I say. She nods and wipes her face as she look out the window. I start to drive.
We pull into the doctors. She grabs for my hand as we walk in together. She stops me before we reach the door and hugs me. "Love you baby" she says. "Love you more" I say grabbing her face and kissing her lips. We continue inside and they get me in a gown. I am sitting on the exam bed as a nurse takes my blood pressure and takes some blood from me. Colleen is sitting in the waiting room for me. I wish she was here. A few minutes later a doctor walks in. "Joshua?" He says as reaches his hand out to shake mine. I nod and shake his hand. "All done having kids?" He says smiling looking through my paper work. "Yes" I say. A knock at the door interrupts us as a nurse pops in with a piece of paper. He looks at it and then me. "You are 36 right?" He asks. I nod. "Well I just got the preliminary blood work back that we did this morning. I don't think we can do the procedure today" he says seriously. "Why? Whats wrong?" I ask. "You have elevated PSA levels. Could be prostate cancer" he says. "What?" I say tearing up. "Lets do a few more tests ok?" He says. I nod. I lay back and he starts to run more tests as well as feeling everywhere. Super embarrassing but all I can think of is cancer. This can't be happening.
