Colleen POV
"I do? How?" I ask. The doctor nods and writes it down in my chart. "Your sugars are mid range. Its probably due to some damage done before Lilys birth. I am going to put you on pills to control it" he says as he writes out a prescription. I look at Josh and he is white as a ghost. "So what about a second baby? Is there a higher risk this time?" Josh asks. "Whenever pregnancy and diabetes are mixed it can cause issues" the doctor says. "When are you planning on the second?" the doctor says. "I had IUI to get pregnant with Lily so we would need to do that again. So probably a year" I say watching the doctors reaction. "Just be super careful. This is a dangerous condition on its own. You need to take extremely good care of yourself and take your sugars three to four times a day to make sure your pills are working but Colleen if I were you I would stop at Lily" the doctor says. I nod. I am terrified and upset but try to hide it. The doctor hands me my prescription and says he wants me back in two weeks as he leaves the room. I look at Josh and he puts Lily down in the car seat. "You ok?" he asks upset himself. "No" I say as I hop off the table. He tried to hug me and I move. "Colleen please baby. Things will be fine" he says approaching me again. "Josh I don't want to cry please don't hug me" I say as I pick up the diaper bag and walk out of the room. I place it in the back seat of our car as Josh places Lily in the back as well.We drive home in complete silence except for my sniffling.
I walk into the house and start making lunch as Josh brings in Lily. He knows I am upset and have every right to be. "Baby I will go get your medicine and strips after lunch ok?" he asks me standing 2 feet behind me. I am on the verge of crumbling. I thought I was done with this disease. I nod but never turn around. "Colleen we don't have to have another baby. Lily is enough for me. I don't want to put your body through any..." he says before I spin around and stare at him. "How dare you do that to me!" I yell. Josh looks shocked and starts tearing up. "Now you won't have another baby with me because I am damaged Joshua?" I scream. He goes to grab for me as I sink to the floor crying. He cuddles on top of me. "Colleen thats not what I meant. I don't want to put you in harms way" he says rubbing my back. "I don't want you to be pressured into another one" he says. "I am having another one. Fuck this disease" I say as I stand up and lock myself into the hall bathroom. I need to cry and get this all out of my system. Josh doesn't even want babies with me anymore.
