Josh POV
I walk in our bedroom and Colleen is quietly sobbing while staring at Noah. "Hey baby. Feel good to be at home?" I ask rubbing her back. "Yes" she says quickly. I know she is upset. I see Colleen sit back on the bed as Noah gets fussy. She lays him down on the bed and lifts her shirt up and opens her nursing bra. She scoops him back up and gets him to latch on to her as she rubs his head watching him. She is such a natural mom. No panic. She knows what to do at every moment. I rub her legs watching her as I tear up. "Want anything?" I ask. "No" she says not taking her eyes off of Noah. "Colleen I know you are upset but the pump is such a fantastic solution" I say trying to engage her in talking to me. "You do it then" she says angrily. "Colleen please. Lets just talk. Don't get angry with me please" I beg. "Leave me for a bit Josh. I want to be with my son" she says. I nod and walk out in the hallway. I close the door and Rachel sees me come out. I look at her and start crying quietly. She walks down to me knowing something was wrong the moment we came home. I start crying harder as she gets closer. I grasp onto her and she hugs me tight. We stand there for a minute not saying a word. She grabs my hand and walks me outside. "Whats wrong? She asks. I tell her everything. She puts her arm around my shoulder. "Need to just let her be for now Josh" she says. "She is so angry at me. I just don't want her to harm herself more by not doing it. Doctors are pretty much telling her she should. It scares me" I say crying again. "Have you met my sister?" Rachel says sarcastically. "She is stubborn. She needs to dwell and think things through. Let her come around" she says. I nod wiping my face. I stand up and hug Rachel. "Love you Rachel. Thank you" I say. "Josh I love you too. Colleen will be fine" she says releasing me and smiling.
Later that night I crawl into bed after putting Lily down. Colleen still isn't talking to me as she was still feeding Noah in the living room. I lay there in the dark exhausted but unable to sleep. I roll over holding onto my pillow until I hear the door creak open. Colleen walks in by herself and sits on her side of the bed with her back to me. I see her turn around. "Josh are you awake?" She whispers. "Yes babe. Need something?" I ask. She turns around and crawls up to me until she hovers right above me. "Joshua I am so scared" she says with her voice breaking. "I'm sorry" she says laying on me and grabbing me. I wrap my arms around her crying. "Colleen I love you. Let me help" I say. I feel her nod as she cries in my chest. I rub her back as we both cry. "I want you to listen to the doctors babe please. I need you with me. With us forever" I say kissing her neck. I feel her grab my face and kiss my lips. I grab her tighter as we continue kissing. It feels amazing. It was what we both needed.
