Colleen POV
I have been in the hospital for 6 days and have now been taken off the dialysis machine. Josh is sitting beside me as we eat lunch and wait for the doctor. I hear the door open and in walks the doctor. "Morning guys" he says as he pulls up a chair in front of us. "Morning" I say smiling. "So Colleen we are going to discharge you this afternoon and let you go home" he says smiling. I hug Josh as I am so thrilled. "But Colleen I need you back here in one week for tests and to discuss going on the pump" he says. "Pump?" I ask. "Didn't the diabetic specialist come talk to you?" He asks. I shake my head no. I feel Josh grab my hand. "Well we want to put you on the pump. It will sit outside your stomach and have a line inserted into you 24/7. It measures your sugar and administers insulin without you doing a thing" he says smiling. "I don't want that" I say. "Colleen your sugars are so unpredictable. They are everywhere and to be honest if you don't go on the pump you are setting yourself up for organ damage. More than you already have which will be determined next week" he says. I am crying. Hate this disease. "Babe do it. You won't have to worry about low sugars or high ones. You will feel more steady and normal" Josh says. "No" I say. "Ok well we will talk next week. Take care of yourself at home" he says and gets up and walks out. "Baby you should" Josh starts saying. "Joshua! How come you don't seem surprised? Did they tell you about this before?" I demand. "They said it might be a possibility a few days ago but I didn't know they were this strongly opinionated on it" Josh says. "Don't you think you should have told me? "I ask sobbing now. "You were so sick plus it wasn't for sure" he says tearfully. "I wanna go home" I say standing up to get dressed. Josh nods and starts packing up my stuff as I get myself together.
We finish packing and make our way home. Josh is holding my hand as we drive but I am so upset I don't grab back. I can tell he feels it. I am devastated. I walk through the door and see Teeny sitting with Lily colouring and Rachel is holding Noah.
"Mommy!!" Lily yells running to me. "Hi baby" I say hugging her tight. She then goes to Josh. "Do you love your brother?" Josh asks her. "Yes" she says snuggling into him. I walk over to Rachel and take Noah from her. This is the first time I have held him ever. I start to cry as I walk down the hall to my bedroom with him and sit on our bed. He is laying on my legs as I hold him and just stare at him. I hear Josh walk through the door. I just look at him quickly and look back down at Noah. Too much to process.
