Virgil/Logan | Sanders Sides [One-Shots]

[188] - Asexual

Warnings: a bit of anxiety, mentioned fear of break up, fear of coming out to his boyfriend as ace, but we all know this is some fluffy shit so dont worry

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Virgil was asexual. He had sort of always known, but it wasn't until very recently that it had really dawned on him and he had adopted the label. He had always known he had no interest in anything sexual, it made him uncomfortable, and the thought of him being involved in a situation like that made him almost feel nauseous sometimes.

He was however still massively gay, in particular for one Logan Sanders, Thomas' embodiment of Logic. Shocking, he knows. But what had been even more shocking was that about two months ago Logan had come to Virgil and said that he felt the same. Virgil sometimes still couldn't fully believe it himself, but damn, Logan was his boyfriend, had been ever since then.

It was great, Virgil had been awkward sure, but so had Logan, neither of them were really familiar with a romantic relationship and stuff like that, but they had been figuring it out together and things had been going good.

There was only this small issue... Logan didn't know Virgil was asexual.

It hadn't been Virgil's intention to keep that from him, but he hadn't fully known himself until two weeks ago. Before that he had just assumed that since they weren't human, none of the sides felt any sexual attraction, because why would they?

Then as he and Logan had grown more comfortable in their relationship he had been forced to realize that he had probably just jumped to a very stupid conclusion, because while Virgil loved when Logan kissed him and didn't at all mind making out, sometimes he got the feeling that what Logan wanted was more.

Yes, that thought absolutely terrified Virgil, and since he'd began to realize that he had also became much more uncomfortable when Logan's kisses became a little too much, because even if he didn't mind the kissing in itself he couldn't help thinking too much about where it might lead.

So two weeks ago he had finally done a bit more research on the term asexual, which he'd heard about and known of for years, he had just never connected it to his own identity until then. Virgil didn't mind being asexual, not at all, he accepted himself fully, but his identity still made him anxious because, well, this was kind of something that his boyfriend should know.

Of course he had to tell Logan but, shit, he really didn't want to, he was too awkward about his own feelings and this was not a conversation he wanted to have, ever. How was he just supposed to go up to his boyfriend and go 'hey, I'm asexual, I never want to be in any sexual situation with you'.

What if that upset Logan? That was one of the last things Virgil wanted, right up there with the possibility of Logan breaking up with him once he found out, since Virgil couldn't give him the sort of relationship he wanted, but of course he had to tell him because otherwise he would end up in uncomfortable situations he didn't want to even think about, and he would not put himself there.

So he had tried, a week ago, and then abandoned the idea because he was an utter coward. Then he had tried again a few days ago, but he hadn't dared to then either, and maybe he could just never say it and instead just avoid anything that could lead to anything sexual? Right, he could do that?

(Of course he couldn't, but it was a nice thought.)

Even if it terrified him Virgil still wanted it to be said because he didn't want to have to be this nervous around Logan, like tonight when they were both in Virgil's room, on his bed and watching movies on Virgil's tv. Virgil was sitting up against a bunch of pillows, and he had Logan sitting between his legs, his back to Virgil's chest so Virgil could easily just sit there and hold him while the movies played.