The Deep Oneshots Part 1

Incorrect quotes

While I'm working on the next oneshot I am once again uploading incorrect quotes, maybe I should make a separate book for these. Also I might and Kayda into the best friends au at some point.

Fontaine : My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

Maddy: I am literally evil incarnate.
Maddy: I'm not actually, I just enjoy being evil.
Maddy: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I'm making a conscious effort

Alpheus, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

Alpheus: Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don't answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.

Alpheus: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.
Alpheus: Fruits that do live up to their names?
Alpheus: Orange

Jess: Drink your school, stay in drugs, and get 8 hours of drugs.

Alpheus: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

Finn: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

Finn: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first.
Jess: Rock.
Finn: Paper.

Jess to Maddy : I think we should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
Finn: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

Maddy: I just ended a five year relationship.
Fontaine : Oh no, are you okay?
Maddy: It's okay, it wasn't mine.

Alpheus: Why are you on fire?
Finn: This is just how my day is going.

Jess: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Alpheus.
Alpheus: I hate myself.
Jess: Alright, square up

Fontaine , texting Finn: Hey do you like anyone?
Finn: Yeah you
Fontaine : Oh, I'm sorry we're just friends
Finn: *Yeah, you?
Fontaine: Oh haha sorry lol
Finn : *dies inside*

Alpheus: I'm sad.
Finn: Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das.
Finn: And das not good.

Finn : What's gone wrong, Alpheus?
Alpheus: Hey! That's one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I'm calling doesn't mean there's a crisis.
Finn : That's technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Alpheus: Well... There's a crisis.

Kaiko: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.
Alpheus: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Jess: I've connected the two dots.
Finn: You didn't connect sh*t.
Jess: I've connected them.

Alpheus: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Jess: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.
Alpheus: ...
Alpheus: You mean ring bearER, right?
Jess: ...
Alpheus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to Finn and Fontaine's wedding.

Alpheus: Fontaine likes to say 'you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,' but I happen to believe you can be both.

Alpheus: Damn, the power went out.
Maddy: Don't worry, I got this.
Maddy: *stomps foot*
Alpheus: What-?
Maddy: *Sketchers light up*