The Deep Oneshots Part 1

Incorrect quotes

I couldn't write anything today so here's a bunch of incorrect quotes enjoy!!

Alpheus at the woa head quarters: I'm looking for my siblings
Receptionist: Who are your siblings
Alpheus: you must be new

Ant: how did you manage to convince Fontaine to betray me
Alpheus: it really wasn't that hard
Alpheus: I just asked her if she wanted to embarrass you and she immediately said yes

Finn: I'm in love with you
Fontaine: I know
Finn: you knew!?
Fontaine: yea, we are dating
Finn: we aren't dating
Fontaine: We aren't!?

Fontaine: We all have our demons
Fontaine grabbing Alpheus: This one's mine

Alpheus: I'm going to the store want anything
Maddy: ooo get the gay Cheerios
Alpheus:...
Alpheus: Do you mean fruit loops

Jess: I lost Maddy
Finn: How did you LOSE Maddy
Jess: in my defence they are really small
Maddy in the distance: F*CK YOU
Finn: there she is

Maddy coming up with a terrible idea: I think we should do this
Jess who somehow ended up as the voice of reason: no, Alpheus tell her we can't
Alpheus who was already running logistics the second Maddy opened her mouth: i think your plan is as dumb as bricks, but man, I wanna see where it goes

Ant: I have a plan
Alana: I'm already terrified

Maddy: Seriously, Alpheus , how many people would you have killed if we'd asked you to?
Alpheus : That's not important
Finn : I DISAGREE.

Alpheus : It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Fontaine : Yeah-
Finn: *kicks in the door*

Finn: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?
Alana , sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that's what.

Finn: It's funny how well you and Alpheus get along. Didn't they hate you at first?
Fontaine: Alpheus hates everybody at first. It's their way of reaching out to people.

Finn: Is there anyone here who's actually straight?
Fontaine : *raises hand*
Alpheus : *puts their hand down*

Finn: *is hugging Maddy*
Alpheus: Hey! It's my turn to hug Maddy!
Alpheus : *grabs Maddy*
Fontaine : *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!
Finn: No, It's still my turn!
Maddy: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!
Alpheus: But we need the moral support!
Finn: And you're small! Which is cute!
Fontaine : If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.
Maddy: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.

Fontaine : I wish I could help you, but I shorn't.
Ant : Fontaine , please!
Fontaine : What part of shorn't don't you understand?

Finn: Truth or dare?
Alpheus : Truth.
Finn: How many hours have you slept this week?
Alpheus :
Alpheus : Dare.
Finn: Go to sleep.
Alpheus : I don't like this game.

Ant : Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like 'look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I'm losing.'
Fontaine: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Ant : Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
Maddy : Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

Maddy : I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
Alana : I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

Jess : I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Fontaine : Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Finn walks in*
Fontaine: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Jess: And here we see Fontaine and Alpheus in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Fontaine : Gaelic bread.
Alpheus : Grueling brad.
Fontaine : Ha ha, glamorous beans.

Jess: Guys where did Fontaine go?
Ant : They got arrested.
Jess: How the hell-
Fontaine : *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

Alpheus: Hello.
Finn: Where have you been?
Alpheus: Asleep.
Finn: For two f*cking days??

Store Worker: Would a Mr Alpheus Benthos please come to the front desk?
Alpheus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: *points to Finn and Maddy*
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Finn and Maddy, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Alpheus: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

Finn: I wasn't sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got all of them
Fontaine: Finn... There are like 300 boxes here...
Finn: I panicked, okay!! Valentines can be very stressful!!

Alpheus: *sneezes*
Fontaine: Bless you
Finn: *sneezes*
Fontaine: Finn, are you sick? Here let me wrap you up in a blanket and feed you some warm soup! You poor thing.
Ant: *sneezes*
Fontaine: Oh my f*cking god, shut the f*ck up Ant

Finn: Hey Alpheus?
Maddy: you love us right
Alpheus:...
Alpheus: normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like

Kaiko: We call that a traumatic event
Kaiko, turning to Alpheus: Not a "bruh moment"
Kaiko, turning to Finn: Not a "major L"
Kaiko, turning to Maddy: And definitely not an "OOF lmao"

Alpheus: I accidentally indulged in too much 'Me time'
Alpheus: Turns out, I've been reported missing for six months and presumed dead by the woa.

Jess, on the phone with Alpheus: he's in the kitchen again...
Finn, reading a recipe: "beat three eggs." In what? Hand to hand combat?
Alpheus: GET. HIM. OUT!!

I just realised something. Alpheus has lived most of his life on a submarine and before that he lived with the guardians. So he'd probably be very behind on meme culture. In conclusion Alpheus would fall for updog.

Thanks for reading please leave any thoughts or suggestions in the comments and feel free to use any of my ideas or oc's