The Deep Oneshots Part 1

incorrect quotes

I might not be able to upload tomorrow so enjoy these instead!

Alpheus: *tells the Nektons how isolated, left out, and alone he feels by his whole family*
Kaiko: I'm adopting him.
Woa: You can't. he already has a family.
Ant: Yes. Us, we are his family.
Woa: Don't you think Alpheus should have a say in this?
Will: No, we're adopting him, he gets adopted. End of story.
Alpheus' mum: But-
Fontaine: MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE TREATED HIM BETTER!
Alpheus' mum: Yes, but-
Kaiko: he would look great in blue, right?
Woa: 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Finn: On a scale from 1-10, rate your pain.
Alpheus: Pi, a minimal but a never ending number.
Fontaine: What the actual f*ck.

Jess: Fontaine, do you know how long it takes until you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?
Fontaine: I think-
Alpheus: Seventy-two hours.
Jess: ...How do you-
Alpheus, staring into empty space over the rim of his coffee cup: There's a clown behind you.

Maddy: What exactly are you doing?
Alpheus, surrounded by fifteen cats: Building a family.

Kidnapper: We have your oldest brother!
Fontaine: Five-
Kidnapper: What?
*terrified screams in the background*
Fontaine: Four, three...
Kidnapper: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?
Fontaine: Two...
*cut-off scream, gurgling, bodies hitting the floor*
Alpheus: Hello, sister. Everything is under control. Tell mother I'll be home for dinner.

Alpheus: That is it everyone here is cleaning up
Fontaine: Hey! I don't even live here
Alpheus: Yes or no, Do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Fontaine: ....

Alpheus: I either need food or therapy.
Alpheus: ...
Alpheus: Eh chips are cheaper.

Alana: Finn and Maddy are drunk and trying to play matchmaker with us again... Should I remind them that we're dating?
Veronica: No, it's more fun this way.

Finn, smirking: So, when are you going to go out with me?
Fontaine, smiling: I don't know, when are you going to ask me out?
Finn: Uh....
[ Later ]
Alana: SO YOU JUST RAN AWAY?!?
Finn: I WASN'T EXPECTING HER TO FLIRT BACK!!

Alana: Here's a fun Christmas idea: we hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it!
Alpheus: Alana, no.
Finn and Maddy: Mistlefoe.
Alpheus: Please stop encouraging her.

Alpheus: Do you want to know how i really broke my wrist?
Alpheus: I was hullahooping
Alpheus: me and Kayda attend a class for fitness and for fun
Alpheus: I've mastered all the moves, the pizza toss, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle
Ant: Why are you telling me this?!
Alpheus: Because no one will ever believe you
Ant: ... NO!

Alana : Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?
Maddy: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them.
Alana : Okay yeah thanks Maddy, that's great but WHERE'S THE F*CKING FIRST AID KIT?

Fontaine : The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Maddy.

Jess: Ant just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.