words from a broken soul

"VHTW" capable "VHTW"

I keep getting told I'm capable of many things
Yeah I know I am but one of those
Involves me taking my own life yet
I'm still alive even when each day is
Harder to get up in the morning so
The capability is noted but the loudest thoughts
Are why am I alive what do I want in life
Fuck if I know I had dreams and killed them
Myself because I knew the work wasn't
Worth the effort stopped caring about
Life stopped caring about what I want
Can't even answer where I'll be in five years
Lest I want to concern them by stating
"Hopefully I'll be dead." Life rarely
Brought me joy and when it did I squandered it
Now I'm just a cynical cunt who Wishes death would collect me
I'm already a damn corpse anyway
The pulse of my heart feels artificial
The blood in my veins is half dead
And a cursed reminder of my family's sins

I try to lift others up because I'm not
Worth my weight in gold my face is
That of a dead and forgotten martyr
Held on by a savior complex for saving
Others has always been easier than
Trying to save myself from drowning
In thoughts and memories of my past
The flames in me grow into cold embers
Yet the find a way to never die out
But my own flame has been smothered out
Years of audience it never got to feel
Or chose not to feel for I didn't deserve it
My minds shattered a broken psyche
Held together by spite flavored tape
And yet I can't run from the passive suicidal thoughts
Whispering sickly sweet in my ear
"Not many will miss you"
"You think people care they tolerate you at best"
"What's to like about your narcissistic self"
"You have nothing to offer but honeyed words"
"What do you bring besides self hatred, loathing, guilt, and disgust"
"It'd be so fucking easy get a knife and use that anatomy knowledge for one good action"
"You know where to cut so you bleed out with no chance of saving"
"So why not slip off this mortal coil?"
"You're a ghost of your own machinations"
"You know as do I how insignificant you are"

And yet you persist to live this life
One you fool yourself into believing
It'll will get better knowing I'll always
Be right here nothing will stop me
I'll keep the poison flowing in your
Ears watch delightfully how it chips
At a will to live that's been vacant since
You were an entitled brainwashed brat
Keep entraining me you puppet
Your resistance is finite one day
You'll do as I say knowing it was all
Done in vain you can't escape the demons
That hide in the shadows of your head
Nothing will stop my amusement of
Watching you tear yourself down yet
You'll never break down the walls
Instead you'll tear at your flesh for its
Easier than admitting how misguided
You are you're my misery misfit so
Keep dancing to my tune thinking
You've wrote it yourself doesn't mean you did
Those who raised you for nine years
Wrote this tune you and I know it
Can't flee from the truth yet you try
When will you accept it's pointless?