words from a broken soul

Ode to leviathan

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Wish I checked in on you more
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts me even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Maybe it's ironic I found some metal bands
That I like after you died or I hope it was
You letting me find them don't know but
I know you were a genuinely cool girl
Even now I got metal playing to type this
Tears finally being shed since I've gotten
On an anti-depressant and through it all
I don't know how you died I can only assume
Two possibilities hoping it wasn't the one
Where you took your own life
Not that I'd blame you if you did
This fucking world is shit you couldn't live
In peace because people didn't want to
Understand you and those like you

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Wished I checked in with you more
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts me even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Fuck this Gods forsaken world to many die
Because the fucking apes humans are can't
Fucking grasp the concept theres always
Been Trans people throughout history
Back in the Roman empire 217 ad there was
Emperor Elagabalus who offered large sums
Of coin to anyone who could make him
A woman, 17th century London had Mary Frith or Moll cutpurse, a thief, a highwaywoman and a madame for those uneducated. A madame was the woman who ran a brothel, she took to the road in her fifties during the English Civil War.

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Another war hero who was Trans Chevalier D'Eon a French spy who joined the kings secret a clandestine organization run by king Louis XV Chevalier was tasked with spying on the empress Elizabeth of Russia
In 1760 Chevalier joined the dragoons and served during the seven years war, yes that one from middle school kids.
Now what about We'wha a Zuni tribeswomen who was twin-spirited born male but gifted feminine characteristics
Taught both tasks for both genders was well
Respected in the tribe by both genders lead the Zuni revolt in 1860 against the Americans

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Got another war hero Albert Cashier year was 1862 America divided in civil war Albert Cashier born an Irish girl left Ireland three years prior in 1859 at sixteen when the war broke out
He joined the 95th Illinois infantry under Lincoln's union army fought forty battles not ten not twenty nor thirty this mad lad fought forty battles in the Civil War a lad who taunted the enemy into action a lad who was known to be courageous in the war died in 1915 institutionalized from a mental decline after the war can't blame him on that but what I can blame is that he was forced to live his final years as something he wasn't a woman.

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

The golden age of piracy the Trans duo of Mary Reed and Ann Bonny the two lasses dressed like men fought like em out drank em and were on the same crew as calico John Rackam a notorious drunk even for a pirate, Ann and Mary fought against an entire boarding party of the red coats because John and his crew where piss fuckin drunk unaware of the noose dangling above their heads. Now Ann and Mary where only two people but they fought tooth and nail a tactic of theirs at least with Mary was to flash her chest at the opponent and kill em whilst they were stunned
The fate they had wasn't kind. You see they were to be hanged in a Jamaican prison after they were captured for the crime of piracy they got a stay of execution you see both were with child at least that's what they said Mary died from unknown causes and Ann's fate is unknown.

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Everyone loves the internet for different reasons
But who created the basis of it and wi-fi the year is 1914 enter Hedy Lamarr an Austrian American actress and technological pioneer an only child
At the age of five she took apart her music box to better understand how it worked
This was influenced by her father who would take Hedy on long walks and discuss machines with her fast forward
The year is 1940 Lamarr met Gorge Antheil who was another inventive mind like Lamarr who made a design of wings for planes to be faster just from two books several years prior
The books were about the fastest fish and birds and made a sketch of the tail fin of the fastest fish and the wings of the fastest bird.
But the duo of Lamarr and Antheil was the creation of frequency hopping to improve the difficulty of allied torpedoes from being detected by axis ships and submarines. This frequency hopping landed her to be known as the mother of wi-fi

So when someone says Trans people didn't exit back then
Shut the fuck up they did the term is the only bloody thing new about the Trans community
And remind them why the fuck as a kid did
I have to sit through films with straight couples and ask how that isn't forcing the belief of heterosexuality onto children

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now

Nikki I'm sorry I didn't text more often
But I saw you as a friend never met you
Didn't get the chance to never will but
This was for you I still hope you're
The reason I'm now into metal you'd
Probably love jiluka gothmetal had overkill playing the whole time I wrote this from
One bioshock fan to another a slave obeys a woman chooses.
If you chose to end it on your terms I can't
Blame you I hope that's not the case but
I'll never know for sure what happened
But know this where ever you found yourself
You were fucking awesome and may you be meeting demonic royalty or just causing more chaos for hell or maybe you serve in the demonic army either way
I hope when I die I'll get to meet you
Sure it wouldn't be ideal but I'd be fine
With it you were really cool you fucking
Nerdy goth I should've texted you more
But should've could've would've life is
A bitch and now I lost you even if I didn't know it till today
I wish the the world accepted you for who you truly were not what society wanted you to be
But if we ever meet after I die and I still don't know how to throw a sowing needle into wood your teaching me how to do it girl because that was always impressive to me
Also I hope you don't mind I used the band name you wanted to use for the band you wanted to form as the title of this is felt fitting

I never met you
I only ever texted you
Just found out you died months ago
It fucking hurts even if I only texted you
Can't share the metal bands I got into now