words from a broken soul

Episode

Everyone most likely has depression me
I have major episodic depression
I'm fine most days yet as of late
It came up to me said it was time
To feel like shit again to not enjoy anything
Welcome back to your personal hell
You'll stay awhile this time won't you?
Music no matter the volume won't help
That smile of yours is getting harder to wear
Did you miss me I sure missed you
Don't know why it came on since yesterday
That's the episodic part I never know why it's back it just is
Don't know when I first got used to it
Probably when I was a kid but damn
My antidepressant works great till
It doesn't at least it's not that bad currently
Nothing whispering about a forever necklace so that a win I guess

It's always interesting when it pops up
Perfectly fine one day another I'm
Taking a nap because nothing is worth being awake for
Try the free trial of the after life
You know you ain't got shit worth to do
Your hobbies? You have hobbies that's news to me
You just sit in a room and ignore the world
Your first ex called you a hermit or did you forget that little detail
Bone density is shit you just waste away
Fear of the world or hatred of humanity
Which poisonous ichor will you choose to down like water today
Can you even stand your own life

Let me answer that for you it's no you can't
Yet you can't be bothered to change it
Why is that you sad sack of bones
Change is needed in your life
Still stuck longing for your first ex
Thousands of questions in your head
None of them have a clear answer if any at all
Just a ghost in a shell of a corpse
A face of some forgotten martyr
Eyes that say to much yet nothing at the same time
Words that tumble out unclear of meaning and weight yet are said all the same
Things in your head screaming to escape but those are just thoughts
Stupid idiotic ones of if life is ever worth the experience
Not the meaning you force onto it to make oneself feel better no I mean
The bare bones of it the part you always detached

Always being told life is the meaning you put into living
Gave up explaining there isn't meaning if it's assigned from living
Your born and you die that's the end of it
So why does everyone say it's the in-between that was meaningful
What's meaningful of living a life
Stuck in my own head fighting a edge that begs for me to just drop
Into the abyss death can't be that bad
Mythology and religion aren't that different
Yet I feel I don't belong in any of the afterlife's that humanity is familiar with
Don't know why don't care to question it either just how my brain works
It's funny in a way I don't fear dying myself but can't find logic and reasoning on why
I don't belong to a single afterlife out of the multitude there are
And yet I just accept as if it was hard wired into me
Will it ever make sense maybe mayhaps not life never makes sense
So why should thoughts of the afterlife be any different