words from a broken soul

Afterlife

People fear what comes after death
I don't believe in heaven or hell
Nor in Christianity or catholicism
I've always been interested in old gods
Don't worship them for I don't know how
Even if I did I'm not deserving of their attention

There's things that I shoulder quietly
Stuff that truly sickens me knowing
They were my own actions when I die
I don't plan to beg forgiveness nor mercy
I deserve neither of them nor do I deserve pity
Whatever comes after death and where I go
Isn't important to me can't care anymore
Burn myself in a twisted ritual of repentance
Knowing it doesn't atone my actions
But reminds me of my self hatred
That drowns me in my own head
People fear what comes after death
I don't believe in heaven or hell

So who judges my soul in death
I worship no one but the fire that burns me
A twisted game in my mind questions
Of If I even deserve to be judged
By any of the pantheons that interest me
Deep down I know I don't but
The question is always there an itch
That I can't burn away when I see my hands
All I can think about is them being removed
So I can't hurt anyone ever again
Knowing that my mouth should be sown shut
This life of mine I don't deserve to live
The people I know deserve better yet
I'm too broken to care anymore
People fear what comes after death
I don't believe in heaven or hell

I just endure a life I don't care for
Purely out of spite but wish death
Would just claim me already for
Maybe then I can find peace I know
That I won't but a wish is simply that
Something that you want but won't have
I live yet as a corpse who's unsure if
They're alive or in a fever dream what's
The difference between the two to me
There is no difference just an existence
That I'm always regretting of actions
From the past to the present my blood
Is a curse my poison are words uttered
With reckless abandon no thoughts
Just said ignorant to the damage they cause
People fear what comes after death
I don't believe in heaven or hell