words from a broken soul

"VHTW" Staccato "VHTW"

My head is full of noise a staccato rhythm
Beats in the back of my head thoughts
Telling me just slip off the mortal coil
Flatlining can't be that bad everyday
You wake up learn more of just how
Fucked humanity is or it could be your
Pessimism  in it's both you say
Easier pill to swallow down that's what
You tell yourself everyday staying informed
Feels like loading a cylinder of a revolver
Every chamber full but one spin till
You lost count  the trigger quick
See what nightmares come from the barrel
Let a disappointed sigh out hearing the click from the empty one
Guess you lucked out the nightmares are your own this time
Find solace in the fact your used to these nightmares
Endless questions so little answers
Who taught how to brake an arm
Why do you know so much of the human anatomy
Knowledge you have yet you don't know why
Subconsciously shadow box but why
You're not a fighter you're a ghost
You don't have a life you were meant
To be her trophy treated like a doll
Dressed in clothes that screamed alter boy snitch
Compliments felt hollow the sound was there
The feelings was disgusting to point the
Handsome became a wound that'll
Always be reopened other don't know
The feelings one world will can bring
You nor do they need to know it's not a big deal

But it is for you easier to pretend to be fine
Than it is to explain why you hate one specific compliment
Easier to ignore the urge to find away
To slip away from everything joy
Isn't possible in this world anymore
Only distractions from the horrors humanity wrought on itself
There's good people in the world
Fuck off I'm tired of hearing that fucking saying
The good amount people are a pinprick of sand in a giant volcano
It's to make you have hope you say
You mean the thing I haven't felt since my childhood?
How about you go through what I have?
Then tell me if you have hope afterwards
Hope is for idealistic I'm a pessimist
Two conflicting ideas the pessimism
Will always win in my case tired of this shit man
Tired of acting like I care about this shit hole
I'm being honest my therapist and shrink say
No I just don't have the will to keep acting everything fine
The gods biggest mistake was making mankind
Every issue is born of humanities nature
The deadly sins lurk beneath everyone's skin
Whispering sickly sweet encouragement
Some act on them from desperation
Some simply because they can and have the power to clean their shit
Others do it because it's fun for them
Fuck humanity shit just cruelty dressed up with fake smiles
That's why you want to die is it not

You can't see the good in the world
There's so much negativity it just reinforces
That damn staccato rhythm it beats louder every day growing louder even more frantic now
You know of ways to do it you're a smart person after
That what you hear everyday yet something keeps you here
Ya ain't got a damn clue what it is
Yet you keep living even when you only recognize yourself as a corpse
Death doesn't scare you, run through fake scenarios in head
Even then you hope to die in them
Bite you lip taste of copper sickly sweet addicted to your own blood
It's a half dead curse but the best made poisons
Are the sweetest nektars so many
Dreams unachievable because you
Know yourself to well botany degree
You'd minor in toxicity mix some extracts you get a clean death
Blacksmithing you're a firebug through and through
You'd probably find a way to burn the forge down to see pretty flames
Auto technician you hate cars they're too small too unpredictable because humanity behind others wheels, no style all the same generic looking death traps
Music just because you're decent on a guitar doesn't mean anyone would want to listen to your depressive musings
The staccato rhythm is always beating in back of your head just
Give into it surely you be fine no worries
nothing but peace that's all