words from a broken soul

"TW" Fool "TW"

I've lived my life as a fool pretending
The lies aren't my own poison
Things are always complicated yet that's all
My mind will focus on not peace nor
Silence just how I live as a chosen fool
Remembering things that hurt more
Than any burn I've given myself the small things
Complicated by larger ones I can't stomach
Everything reminds me how woefully
Under prepared and under skilled I am
Words that I force back down for they
Have no worth to me thoughts of
The macabre wondering when I'll die
Will the afterlife bring me comfort or
More suffering I've been dead since
I was young the greatest poison I drank
Was the lie that I'm still alive when
I see the face of martyr in the mirror
A corpse that is ignorant to their death
Controlled out of spite but for what
The thoughts are always there whispering
In the silence and noise snaking through cracks
Ignore them and you'll be fine, you're a fool
I've lived my life as a fool pretending
The lies aren't my own poison

So many thoughts never enough just
Lost in a life I've never wanted hide
From the things that unnerve me can't
Hide from myself do anything to feel real
Burns mean nothing anymore barely
Fucking register when they happen
Just mar the flesh I hate can't burn
Out the gods forsaken blood it's half dead
All cursed sins I know course through me
Can't put in the effort to look like I'm fine when I'm not
My heads a mess voices that are my own
And yet they aren't voices built from
The broken parts of my psyche real
Enough to not question something when
I already know the answer insane sanity
Two different sides yet one scarred coin
Begging for time to claim it and never return it
Lost in foreign voices and words
I've lived my life as a fool pretending
The lies aren't my own poison

Can't leave the past behind shadows
Lurking close reminding me of simpler times
Times I've fought a war to live in silence
Battles were always lost got up even
When I wished I wouldn't scars running deep
Pain coursing through a soul of ash
Fires always crackle yet die into cold
Embers even then they find a way to
Stay alight providing a warmth I don't deserve
Fear and mistakes grip my throat tight
Drowning out the words of others pulling
Me off the cliff I stand on hear the rope
Snapping taut only sound in my head
Envy seeping in my bones I'm to tired
To fight anymore yet to stubborn to die
An untimely death persistent for a cause
That's unknown but done for the martyr
Of my childhood and the dreams that died
The people who I lost the people I never met
I'm a fool but I'm a stubborn one
I've lived my life as a fool pretending
The lies aren't my own poison