Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 217: Friday 31st March 2017 21:42

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Day 217
Friday 31st March 2017 21:42

What a day! Full of interesting revelations. I found out why Dump wanted to speak to Esther and I found out who Troy had been sucking off but this occurred in the most disgusting way.

I was at work and of course, Auntie Meryl turned up to talk about the heater. "I still don't have one," she said, "You've left me in that little second-hand air raid shelter, freezing to death. I'm expecting the Germans to fly over and bomb me at any minute," she said. "Auntie Meryl," I said, "You're in a cosy chalet that's perfectly warm." "It's not warm enough for me," she moaned, "It's a disgrace how I've been treated. Left alone, freezing to death at my time of life. If I had an MP, I'd complain."

I stood up, frankly feeling fed up with the whole heater fiasco and marched down the corridor into Esther's office. She wasn't happy that I just barged in again but I really didn't care. "Right then," I loudly said, "This is getting beyond a joke now. My Auntie Meryl is STILL waiting for this f*cking heater. I mean, come on. Why is this difficult? All she wants is a heater. A f*cking heater, not a b*stard dinosaur egg." Esther apologised but said I needed to understand she was really busy. "P*ss off," I said, "You need to understand that I've got an old lady down the corridor who is now moaning to me on a daily basis because you're too busy to pull your finger out. Maybe if you weren't having all these secret meetings with Ronald, Auntie Meryl might have got her heater days ago." "She'll get it tomorrow," said Esther, "I promise." "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Dump or not?" I bluntly asked. "Fine," replied Esther, "I'll tell you. He's thinking of making me a senior adviser like Adrian." Silence fell. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Well, you're not interested are you?" I asked. "Of course I'm interested," said Esther, "It's a step up. One day when this place gets more established and currency is reintroduced I'll be on a great salary and it will be a great job." "I don't believe this," I said, "Esther Tibbs, head strong, independent feminist is taking a step closer to Ronald Dump, a sexist, ignorant bigot." "Well sometimes we all have to work with and hang around with people we don't really like," said Esther, giving me a piercingly insinuating look. "I don't know what's worse," I said, "You being on the same level as Adrian or you actually considering it." Esther and I bickered for a while but it's clear her mind's made up. I returned to Auntie Meryl and relayed the message from Esther that she would definitely get the heater tomorrow. Auntie Meryl wasn't happy and I don't blame her. "Well I won't hold my bl**dy breath," she said, "That's if I've got any breath left to hold on to this time tomorrow. If you find me dead in my bed I want you to sing 'Candle in the Wind' at my funeral.'" In a weird way I feel sorry for Esther and kind of disappointed in her. Yes, she's a pain in the arse but it feel like she's selling her soul and compromising her values and principles just so she can say she has a good job with status.

Later in the day was when I discovered the next shocking and disgusting revelation. I was walking past the kitchens hoping to find Trudy to see if she knew where Naomi was. I wanted to tell her all about Esther's news. As I entered the large industrial kitchen I discovered the place was empty, however some of the worktops were a mess. "Anyone about?" I loudly asked, "Trudy?" Nothing. I was feeling a bit peckish so I decided to make myself a sandwich. Some freshly made bread was on the counter. I cut some slices and gathered some fresh tomatoes and lettuce, and some sliced chicken from the fridge. I prepared my sandwich and all I needed now was some salad cream to finish it. I squeezed the bottle, only to discover it was empty. This was disappointing I thought. You can't have a chicken salad sandwich without salad cream. I notice that some smears and spatters of salad cream were splattered all over the kitchen worktops. Someone's done a rubbish job of cleaning up I thought. I grabbed a spoon and scooped the forgotten salad cream off the work tops and piled generous dollops on to my chicken and tomatoes. With my filling now ready I placed the final piece of bread on it and squashed both slices together. Licking my lips, I grabbed hold of the sandwich, took a big bite and started eating.