Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 359: Sunday 20th August 2017 23:46

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Day 359
Sunday 20th August 2017 23:46

An intense day. I found out that our visitor Shaun Taylor DOES indeed work for ACROBAT. The lying b*stard!

We spent most of the day thinking of more questions we could ask Shaun to try and figure out if he was lying to us. "Let's just kill him," said Mike, "I could stab him in the face right now." "Stop wanting to kill people, Mike," said Courtney. "Says the girl who killed her own parents," said TJ. "F*ck you, you tosser," said Courtney. "Please," I said, "Let's not fight. We need to think of something to do with Shaun." "I've said we should kill him," said Mike. "Don't call him Shaun," TJ said to me. "What do you want me to call him?" I said, "That's his name." "So," said TJ, "You're name's Luke but no one calls you that. It's either gay boy, or Nanna." "Or jelly belly," said Troy, "Or fatso; or baldi-locks; or Sir Flab-a-lot; or blackhead Barney; or mutton dressed as spam." "Yes, thank you!" I loudly said with an annoyed tone, "TJ, what do you want me to call him?" "Call him by his second name," said TJ, "Calling him Shaun makes it sound like we are all mates. The motherf*cker tried to kill us." "Yeah, but Taylor could be his first name," said Mike. "For f*cks sake," I said, "I'm not going to stand here and argue about what we're calling him, let's just decide what we're going to DO." "I think we should strip him naked," said Troy. "What for?" I asked. "He might have some concealed weapons on him or in him," said Troy, "If he's naked we could check every crevice and I'd be happy to do that." "I bet you would you dirty dog," said TJ. "Look," I firmly said, "Can we try and focus please? I don't think there's any need for anyone to get naked. We need to figure out if he's lying or not." "For f*cks sake Nanna," said TJ, "Of course he's lying."

All of a sudden we heard a slight beep emanating from where Shaun was sat. We all looked over with anxious intrigue. Mike ran over, aggressively inspected Shaun and discovered that he had an item, some sort of small black box with a beeping red light on it, attached to his belt. Mike quickly removed the item and showed it to us. "What is that?" I asked Shaun. He looked up and gave me an evil smug smile. "What is it!?" I loudly said. "It looks like some sort of electronic device," said Troy. "Well done Einstein," I said, "What gave you the clue, the beeping noise or the red light?" "Come on soldier boy," TJ snapped at Shaun, "What the f*ck is this?" There was a short pause as silence lingered. Mike then aggressively grabbed hold of Shaun by the scruff of the neck and looked him intimidatingly in the eye. "Answer the f*cking question you dirty little piggy," he snapped. Shaun gave a slight laugh which was followed by a self-righteous grin. "You're all going to die," he said. We all took a step back and exchanged shocked and anxious looks as another silence lingered. None of us knew what to say. "What do you mean?" I asked. "He means he can tell from your man boobs and beer belly that you're a heart attack waiting to happen," Troy said to me. "What do you mean we're all going to die!?" I snapped at Shaun. "You DO work for ACROBAT don't you?" said TJ to Shaun. He laughed and shook his head like we were all stupid. "I'm not going to tell you anything," said Shaun. I snatched the red beepy box thing off Mike. "What is this!?" I snapped at Shaun, "Tell me." I grabbed hold of Shaun by the scruff of his neck and started shaking him. I was getting very angry. "F*ck you," said Shaun with a smirk, "You're not getting any information out of me. Look at you all. A stroppy teenage girl, a mad old woman, a camp gay guy, two delinquent brothers and you. A weak, pathetic man." I looked at Shaun, frowned, clenched my fist and quickly punched him in the face.  "Go on Nanna!" said TJ gleefully. "How's that for weak?" I assertively said. I then took a step back and started shaking my hand about as I winced in pain. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" I cried, "That f*cking hurt." "You big pansy," said TJ, "When are you going to learn to punch properly?" I started waving the black beepy item about and getting angrier. "What the f*ck is this thing!?" I shouted, "I want to know what's going on!?" I was really angry and the smug look on Shaun's face was making me even angrier. "God, Luke," said Courtney, "Just calm down." "How can I be calm!?" I loudly snapped, "This tw*t's telling us we're all going to die and this beepy thing is getting on my nerves!" "What if it's a bomb?" said Troy, "Oh my God, if it's a bomb we're all going to blow up." Troy hid behind the sofa and Auntie Meryl gave him a confused look. "If it IS a bomb and it's going to go off then he's right when he says we're all going to die," said Courtney. "It has got a red flashing light," said TJ, "Maybe that means it's about to explode." TJ joined Troy behind the sofa. "Can we just calm down," I said, "We need to get a handle on this situation." "Luke, sweetie," said Troy from behind the sofa, "One, you can't stand there shouting, screaming and hitting people one minute and then tell us to calm down the next, and two, the only handles you know anything about are the flabby love handles just above your waist." I looked at Shaun and proffered the beepy box thing. "What is this thing?" I assertively said to him, "I want to know right now what it is. TELL ME!" "It might be a signal," said Courtney, "Maybe he's signalled the other ACROBAT people. Maybe they're coming for him. Maybe they're coming here right now?" "Your nine lives are running out," Shaun said to me with a smirk. "What the f*ck does that mean?" I asked. Mike then took a step forward. He grabbed the beepy box thing out of my hand and threw it on the floor. He lifted up his foot and was about to smash it to bits when we all screamed at him to stop. Mike ignored us and brought his foot down with a crack, smashing the little box to bits and relinquishing the red light. Shaun didn't look too bothered. "What have you got to say to that you filthy squealer?" Mike said. Shaun shrugged, Mike frowned and punched him hard in the face, rendering him unconscious. It was a much more impressive punch compared to the one I gave him. One, it managed to actually knock him out and two, it didn't seem to hurt Mike like mine hurt me. Troy and TJ re-joined us. "Now that's how you throw a punch," said TJ. "What would you know hiding behind the sofa?" I said.