Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 291: Tuesday 13th June 2017 23:58

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Day 291
Tuesday 13th June 2017 23:58

I thought yesterday was tense after we killed the soldiers but that's nothing compared to what happened today.

Still curious as to who the mystery figure was running around the exercise yard last night, we packed up our things, gathered a few supplies from the Young Offender's Institute and left the building. We agreed that we'd continue to drive around the area and when (or if) we found the Traders we'd say Dump sent us to hand over three people. DeShawn pointed out that if Verrilli – Parini, Gotobed and Hard have delivered other residents to The Traders before, then the Traders will know what they look like, meaning we couldn't pretend to impersonate them. "They'll think something's wrong when they see the three blood covered soldiers sat dead in the back of the jeep," said DeShawn. "Let's just chop their heads off then," said TJ, casually. DeShawn shrugged and raised his eyebrows. "It's a plan," he said. "It's a bit of a violent plan isn't it?" I said. "Yeah but it's foolproof," said DeShawn, "We can lop off their heads and tell these cannibal people that they got mouthy so we had to kill them." "Don't worry gay boy," said TJ, "Me and DeShawn can do it. We don't want you getting your period do we?" "F*ck off!" I loudly snapped, "I'll chop off one of their heads. I'll do whatever needs to be done." "OK hard man," said TJ, "Chill out. Don't want you to get a nose bleed."

We walked down to the parking area, up to the Army jeep and opened the rear doors. We looked upon the bloody mess of the three dead soldiers. "How do we chop their heads off?" I asked, "We could do with my sword." "Don't sweat it He-Man," said TJ, "We've got their army knives." "Well don't you think it would be easier just to lop their heads off in one fell swoop rather than hack away at their necks with an army knife," I said. "Ooow," said TJ, taking the p*ss, "Frightened you're going to get a bit of blood on your dress?" "I'm not wearing a dress you pr*ck," I said. "You might as well be you big girl," said TJ, "You couldn't kill Gotobed or an infected yesterday. I bet you make a mess of chopping off someone's head, even when they're already dead." "I dropped the knife!" I shouted at TJ, "And I would have killed the infected but DeShawn got there before me." "Whatever you big wuss," said TJ. TJ was really annoying me. A surge of anger took over me and I grabbed Gotobed from the jeep, threw him to the ground, straddled him, produced the army knife from my pocket and rapidly and repeatedly started stabbing him aggressively in the neck. Now I think about it, I'm surprised the feel of the neck muscles, the squelch of the blood and the snap of the neck bones didn't make me vomit, but I guess I was being fuelled by sheer adrenaline and a stupid determination to prove to TJ that I was a real man. After a few moments of struggling to break the bones I eventually succeeded, used the knife to clear away all of the lose muscles and stray bits of tissue, picked up Gotobed's decapitated head and presented it to DeShawn and TJ. "There!" I loudly said, "Who's a wuss now." There was a short pause. "Very dignified," said DeShawn. I threw Gotobed's head across the parking area and then stood up and walked over to the loading bay and sat on the concrete ledge. I was absolutely covered in blood. You couldn't see the colour of my skin on my hands; they were drenched in dark red. Deshawn came over and asked if I was OK. I told him that TJ was just winding me up and that I'd be OK once I'd calmed down a bit. I used a bottle of water to get the blood off me and clean myself up. I took a deep breath, and after DeShawn and TJ removed the heads of Privates Hard and Verrilli – Parini (in a much less chaotic way than I removed Gotobed's) we got in the jeep and were on our way. TJ didn't let us leave until he finished kicking the soldier's heads around like he was playing football. I was loading the jeep up and I turned round and gasped when I saw Hard's head starring me in the face. TJ was holding it right in front of me and making silly cheap jokes. "Oh, Luke," he said, putting on a silly voice and trying to sound like Private Hard, "I've got a head ache. Have you got any Nurofen?" Stupid pr*t!