Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 287: Friday 9th June 2017 23:56

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Day 287
Friday 9th June 2017 23:56

There was a bit of drama today which ended up with infected getting inside Dumpville, which then lead to another surprising turn of events.

It all started after I'd had my first driving lesson. Seth has agreed to teach me how to drive which means if the sh*t hits the fan and we have to get out of here fast, I'll be able to grab some keys, get into a car and leave. Seth's a great teacher but the problem is that Mia has been sitting in the back as he gives me a lesson. She says she's too scared to get behind the wheel of a car. "I did it the other day," she said, "And it's a bit scary being in charge of one of these things so I'd rather sit in the back and watch for now, if that's OK?" she said. Seth said he was fine with it as long as I was. I wasn't but I couldn't say anything because I'd feel like a tw*t. I got to grips with the basics of the car and although I struggled at first, by the end of the lesson I was driving up and down the roads behind Triton's with ease. Mia, however, annoyed the sh*t out of me. Seth told me to make sure my hands were on the wheel at ten to two. "That's not until this afternoon," said Mia, "Shouldn't he keep his hands on the wheel all of the time?" Another annoying comment was "Why do you have to keep moving that stick thing?" she asked. "It's the gear stick," said Seth, "It makes the car go faster." "Isn't that what the engine thingy does?" asked Mia. "Well the engine is the car's brain," said Seth, "And it talks to the gear stick." "Do cars have brains?!" exclaimed Mia, "Do they talk? I didn't know that. I suppose that's what they mean when they say 'intelligent design', and you do see some cars do some pretty impressive stunts, don't you?" I was sat next to Seth rolling my eyes and feeling very impatient as Mia continued with her constant drivel. "Why do they say 'horse power'?" asked Mia, "The only horse I've ever known who had power was Swiftwind, She-Ra's horse. Mind you, he was a unicorn, so that doesn't really count. Or does it? Is a unicorn a type of a horse? Black Beauty was a horse, but I don't think he had magic powers? Was Black Beauty a he or a she? What was the name of the Lone Ranger's horse?" I'd had enough at this point. "Oh my God will you shut the f*ck up?!" I exclaimed. "What's wrong?" asked Mia. "What's wrong?!" I replied, "Seth's trying to teach me how to drive here and you're sitting in the back going through a fictional equestrian catalogue." "I was talking about horses not people," said Mia. "What?" I said. "Equestrians are people that walk on paths," said Mia. "Equestrian not pedestrian you dozy b*tch!" I yelled, "God, you're getting on my tits!" The frustration continued. She thought zebra crossings were called zebra crossings because they were first established in Africa to help zebras cross the road and she thought cat's eyes were called cat's eyes because they were made from the eyeballs of dead cats. Seth was impressively patient with her. I was getting ready to smash her face into the dashboard after the first stupid comment. I think I did OK considering it was my first lesson and I had Mia spouting sh*t in the back but I think I'll do better without her there. I just need to get better at starting the car and parking.

After the lesson Seth was getting ready to go out on a run. He was loading up his jeep near the main entrance while others were putting the ladder up against the wall next to the main gates. A couple of soldiers appeared out of nowhere, ran up to two of the men who were positioning the ladder, pointed their machine guns at them and shouted at them to freeze, not move and get their hands in the air. The two men (whose names I can't remember) looked terrified. They quickly stepped away from the ladder and raised their hands in a surrendering position. Seth and I ran over to try and calm things down. A few of the other residents watched the developing scene in the distance. "Well," said Seth with a cheery tone and a smile on his face, "You guys really need to improve your communication. Mr Dump and Sergeant Reed are fully aware of what we're doing." "Bullsh*t!" snapped one of the soldiers, "Dump has said he doesn't want anyone leaving this place." "Well," said Seth, "Dump does not own these people and he doesn't own this holiday park. I've had a word with him." "I don't care," said the soldier, "You take this ladder down and you take it down right now." Seth took a step back and maintained his cheery demeanour. "Are you going to shoot me?" asked Seth, "Shoot an innocent, unarmed man with his hands up who has witnesses seeing him trying to resolve a situation in a calm and cheery manner? You've got an audience over there, you could knock me about a bit and give them a bit of a show." The soldier frowned in frustration. "Now listen," said Seth, "I've spoken with Mr Dump and we've come to an agreement. He knows this ladder is going up but if you'd like us to wait to put the ladder up until you've confirmed it with him, we'd be happy to wait here until you return with confirmation but let me be VERY clear with you, this ladder IS going up and it's going up soon." Seth had made the soldiers look like a couple of muppets and they knew it. The ladder was quickly put up and Seth continued loading up his jeep ready for a run. Seth was with the two men (whose names I can't remember) and two other soldiers. The five of them were going to go out and look for food. Seth asked me if I wanted to go with him and I told him that I'd had enough infected excitement recently and that I was happy to leave it to him. That's when Trudy appeared wearing her coat all zipped up and with her backpack over her shoulders. "Right, I'm ready," said Trudy, "Come on, let's go." "You can't go," I said. "Who do you think you are, my Dad?" snapped Trudy. "Well no," I said, "But . . ." Trudy interrupted me. "Good," she assertively said, "Because if he said something like that to me I'd kick him in the b*llocks so unless you want a pair of swollen danglers you'd better get out of my way." "Are you serious?" I said, "You're the size of a house, you could drop at any minute and you want to go out with this lot on a run? You're usually the first to remind us that you're pregnant!" "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't take care of myself!" snapped Trudy, "I killed infected when I was there before, remember?" "Why do you want to leave?" I asked, "And why now when you're heavily pregnant?" "I've had enough of being cooped up in here," said Trudy, "Dump keeps rubbing my bump and telling me he can't wait for me to give birth. He keeps saying I'm going to give birth to one of the first babies of Dumpville. Creepy orange f*cker. I need a break from all this." Seth gently but clearly said he wasn't going to take Trudy out with him. "You can't stop me!" snapped Trudy, "I can do what the f*ck I want." "Of course you can," said Seth, "I'm not your boss, I can't control what you do, but I can control what I do and what I'm going to do is not let you in my jeep or help you leave this place when you're about to give birth. If you want to climb up the ladder and go it alone then that's up to you. I wouldn't advise it but I can't stop you. My advice, that you're of course free to ignore, is that you should focus on your baby rather than avoiding Dump. If you really do want to avoid Dump you don't have to leave to do that." Trudy adopted a p*ssed off expression and stormed off in a huff. "Right then," said Seth, "We'll be going in about twenty minutes. Just a quick one. All being well we'll be back later this afternoon." Seth gave me a walkie talkie and said he'd be in touch if they ran into serious trouble.