Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 373: Sunday 3rd September 2017 22:56

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Day 373
Sunday 3rd September 2017 22:56

Today we spent most of the day talking about how we can infiltrate ACROBAT. Listen to me saying 'infiltrate' like I'm a f*cking Mi5 spy. I didn't even really know what 'infiltrate' meant until Naomi told me this morning.

We were all sat in the living room talking about the best way to get into the ACROBAT base and rescue Seth and Anne. "Anne!" exclaimed Trudy, "F*ck her. Why are we bothered about her? She'll probably just want to eat us." "Well she can eat a bit of you," TJ said to Trudy with a giggle, "There's enough fat on that arse to feed a small town for at least a week." "And there's enough manure that comes out of your mouth to spread across ten football pitches," Trudy snapped back. "Right," said a firm Naomi, "If we're going to do this can we do it without bickering like school children?" "We'll he started it,"' complained Trudy pointing at TJ. "Chill out moody Trudy," said TJ, "I was joking." "TJ you should be nice to Trudy," said Mike, "She's Primark and Aldi's Mum." "Wolverine and Hulk," said TJ. "We're not here to talk about baby names," said Naomi, "We're here to talk about getting into the ACROBAT base and getting Seth back." Look She-Ra," TJ said to Naomi, "I know that you want to find your husband. I get that, but if he's at this ACROBAT place what are the chances that he's still alive?" "TJ!" I exclaimed, sounding offended. "Come on Nanna," said TJ, "We're all thinking it. You don't even fully believe that this ex bible bashing Lara Croft b*tch is telling the truth, and even if she is - so what? We just walk up to this ACROBAT place, knock on the door and say 'Good day to you, we believe you're entertaining our good friend Seth. We've just popped by to pick him up, so if you could run along and get him for us that would be much appreciated and then we'll be on our way.' I mean come on!" "Seth might be dead," Naomi snapped at TJ, "But I won't rest until I know for sure. You sit there saying sh*t like that but if he is alive I'm sure you'd be the first in line to follow him when he gets us into City One." "I'm just saying that people like us going up against an organisation like ACROBAT is dangerous," said TJ, "Look what they did to the car plant and those freaky cannibals. What the Hell do you think they're going to do to us?" "If you're going to criticise everything and just come up with problems and no solutions I think you should shut up," Mary said to TJ, "We're here so we can come up with ideas on how to get into the base." "Well we don't even know where this base is," said TJ. "I do," said Mary, producing a piece of paper out of her pocket, "I made the soldiers I kidnapped draw me a map." "For f*cks sake" exclaimed TJ, "That map could lead anywhere. They probably knew you were going to kill them so they've drawn something that's going to lead you into the middle of nowhere." "I told them that if they drew me a map I'd keep them alive," said Mary, "They looked pretty scared so I think it's reasonable to believe this map's the real thing." "This whole thing's stupid," said TJ, "And we've haven't even decided how we're getting there yet." "If we stick with the back rural roads it'll take about an hour and half, maybe a bit longer to drive there," said Mary. "We don't know what's there," said Naomi. "I do," said Mary, "The soldiers told me it's this big obvious military base with air hangers and bunkers. You can't miss it." "These soldiers seemed to have given you a lot of information," I said with suspicion. "I was sticking matches under their fingers, Luke," said Mary, "They didn't really have a choice. Look, I've been thinking about this and I think I've got a plan that might work. We drive out to the base in one of the vans and then hide the van in some nearby bushes. We walk to the base, wait in the bushes and when we see some ACROBAT people driving up to the entrance we run out, waving our arms saying that we're being chased by infected." "And then what!?" I exclaimed. "Well hopefully, they'll take us on to the ACROBAT base thinking that they're rescuing us and then we can have a look around." "You said 'hopefully'," I said, "This plan's not full proof." "Not full proof!" exclaimed TJ, "It's got more f*cking holes in it that Trudy's knickers." "Oi my knickers don't have holes in you cheeky sod," snapped Trudy. "I'm not saying it's not without it's risks," said Mary. "Not without it's risks!" exclaimed TJ, "Are you taking the p*ss? Why would those f*ckers want to rescue a bunch of strangers? They tried to kill us remember? You're sitting there talking about getting into ACROBAT, making it sound easy, like we can just get inside and have a look around. We're not browsing around Debenhams. It's a f*cking military base. The second we get there – if they don't just kill us first – they won't take their eyes off us. This is mental." "Well do you have any better ideas?" Mary snapped. TJ sat back and looked away from Mary. "Well that's helpful," Mary sarcastically said, "Slag everything but don't offer a solution." "I just think this is a battle we can't win," said TJ, "We're talking about a massive organisation with military tactics ad guns. It's not like we're going out there hacking away at the infected." "You're forgetting something," said Naomi, "The ACROBAT people asked me to bring you and Luke back. Now I don't know why, but I think if we do what Mary says the ACROBAT people will see you and Luke and they'll take us all on to the base." "They might take me and TJ on the base but they might just kill the rest of you," I said. "What do you mean 'the rest of you'?" asked Trudy, "I'm not going anywhere. I've got kids to look after and my arthritis has been playing up." "Just hang on a minute," said TJ, "These ACROBAT c*cks have told Naomi that they wanted me and Luke. We don't know why so instead of going in the opposite direction, away from them, you're saying we should go and hand ourselves over to them. Are you on acid?" "It'll help us get on to the base and look for Seth," said Naomi. "And it might just mean we all get shot and killed," said TJ, "They've already left loads of human flesh around trying to get the infected to kill us. Whatever they want me and Nanna for, it's not good. Sorry Naomi, I want to get to City One but I don't want to die trying." "We can't get to City One without Seth," said Naomi, "I would rather die trying to get Seth back than die not trying. Our best chance of long term survival is getting Seth back and getting to City One. Mary knows that. That's why she's here." "Well IF we get on to the base and IF we find Seth, then what?" said TJ, "They're not just going to let us stroll out of the front gates with him are they?" "I know what we should do," said Mike, "When we wave down the soldiers outside the base, we drag one of them out of the vehicle and take them hostage." "Oh for God's sake, Mike," I said. "They've got radios," said Mike, "You guys take one radio and I'll take the other. I'll wait outside holding one of the soldiers hostage and you lot can get into the base with the other soldiers. When you're inside you tell those ACROBAT f*ckers that if they don't release Seth you'll radio through to me and I'll kill my ACROBAT hostage." "I don't know if that's the best way of doing this," said Mary. "F*ck off!" exclaimed TJ, "I think it' the best way. It gives us some insurance. They don't want their soldiers dead. They sent Naomi to come and get Shaun. I think there's a good chance they'll release Seth in exchange for one of their soldiers."

As we continued to talk about the plan we eventually agreed on what we'd do. So, tomorrow morning Naomi, Mary, Mike a reluctant TJ and I are going to follow Mary's directions and make our way to the ACROBAT base. We're going to wait (I don't know for how long) until some ACROBAT soldiers appear, lie to them and tell them that we've been running from the infected and I guess we just hope that they don't shoot us on the spot. If they don't shoot us Mike's going to take one of the soldiers hostage and the rest of us are going to make the other(s) take us on to the ACROBAT base so we can force them into releasing Seth. It's a risky and dangerous plan but it might mean we end up with Seth back with us. Auntie Meryl thinks we're all going off to train to be acrobats. I really don't think I've got the energy to tell her what we're doing. I'll try and explain things to her tomorrow morning before we go.

I'm in bed now and I feel REALLY anxious thinking about tomorrow. God knows what ACROBAT want with me and TJ but I think TJ's right; it won't be for anything good. If we get taken on to the ACROBAT base tomorrow we might never get off. If a smart, tough guy like Seth has been there all this time without managing to get out then what hope do we have. I suppose we have to try though. We can't stay living above this pub like this for the rest of our lives. City One really is our best chance of a sustained future, I just hope that we don't all get killed tomorrow . . .