Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 339: Monday 31st July 2017 19:49

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Day 339
Monday 31st July 2017 19:49

A quiet day apart from putting up with Troy's b*tchiness.

Earlier in the day we were all in the living room. Auntie Meryl was reading an old magazine as the rest of us started speaking about what we were going to do about our situation. "What situation?" asked Troy. "What do you mean, what situation?" I asked, "THIS situation. The one we're in now." "Well we don't need to do anything do we?" said Troy, "We've got comfortable beds, a bit of food, shelter, there's no infected about. What's the problem?" "The problem is that we were a big group of people and now there's only four adults, two kids and four dogs. We have to find everyone else," I snapped. "What for?" asked Troy, "We spent most of the time fighting and arguing. TJ's a big bullsh*tter, Lindon's a creep weirdo, Seth's a know it all and Trudy's a gobby chav." "And you're a b*tchy queen," I snapped, "For God's sake Troy, we've been together for ages, and Trudy might be many things but she's the twin's Mum and they need their Mum, so shut up." Troy sat back and folded his arms in a strop. "Anyway," I said, "Mike and I are the only ones who can drive." "Exactly," said Troy, "So us lot can stay here while you two go out looking for food. I think we've got it pretty sweet." "No," I said to Troy, "YOU think YOU'VE got it pretty sweet here. Why should Mike and I go out there risking our lives bringing back food for you? Auntie Meryl can't go out there, we can't take the kids or the dogs, but what's your excuse?" "Me?" exclaimed Troy, "You don't expect me to go out there fighting and looking around for food like a gypo?" "Why not?" I asked, "You're expecting me and Mike to do it. It's OK for us to forage around like gypos but not you? Is that what you're saying?" "Well, yeah," said Troy, "Obviously. You two have done this sort of thing for ages. I haven't, and to be honest. . . well, look at you. You look like a pair of gypos, especially you, Luke. You might not care about going out there, running around and getting covered in blood and icky bits, but I do. No, I think I'll leave it to you to bring back the food." Mike walked over to Troy and gave him an intimidating look. "It sounds to me like you think you have a choice," said Mike. Troy looked a bit scared. "I ripped off Dump's boll*cks and shoved them down his throat," continued Mike, "So I'm not the sort of person you want to upset." I tried to calm down Mike as he was clearly scaring Troy. "Troy," I said, "You ARE coming out with us." "You can't leave your Auntie and the kids here alone," said Troy, "Someone needs to look after them." "And that's you is it?" I asked Troy, "The infected could break in here and you'd be too busy doing your hair. Look, Auntie Meryl can look after the babies. We'll leave her with some sort of a weapon. You can help me and Mike bring back food and supplies." "I am not going out there," said a firm Troy. "I can't believe how selfish you're being," I said. "That's disgusting," said an outraged Auntie Meryl. "Exactly," I said, "See Troy, even Auntie Meryl thinks you're out of order." Auntie Meryl proffered the magazine she was reading. "It's horrible," she said, "This man here from Stoke on Trent's been sticking his wife's toothbrush up his bum for the last two years. Mind you she is a tax inspector." I rolled my eyes and ignored Auntie Meryl. "Look Troy," I said, "You're coming with us and if you don't come with us, you won't get any food that we bring back." "What?" exclaimed Troy, "You'd let me just starve to death?" "You're not a child, Troy," I snapped, "And I'm not responsible for you. It's about time you got off your stuck up arse and started pulling your weight." "You've got more weight than me to pull," said Troy. "B*tchy comments like that don't help," I said, "Alex started doing that and look what happened to him." "Yeah," exclaimed Troy pointing at Mike, "He killed him! Are you saying you're going to kill me if I don't come out and help you? Is that what you're saying? That's horrible. It's because I'm gay isn't it? Homophobic tossers." "No one gives a toss if you like c*ck or clunge," said Mike, "We just need all the help we can get, and do you know what? If I think you're hindering rather than helping I think I might just kill you." Troy, again looked scared. "Troy," I said, "I know it's scary out there. I get scared every time I go out but if we don't go out and bring back food we'll die." "Yeah but if something bad happens to you it doesn't matter does it?" said Troy, "I mean no offence but I'm better looking than you are, so if I got killed it's a tragic loss to the world. We need to keep and protect as many beautiful people as possible don't we? I mean no offence Luke, but you're a podgy, balding old man. I'm a young, funky, gay guy. I mean no offence, but I think most people would prefer you to risk your life rather than me. I mean no offence but not many people really like you." "Troy," I firmly said, "Saying 'no offence' before saying something offensive doesn't make it less offensive." He's such a b*tchy queen. He's a gay, camp version of Alex.

Mike spent a lot of the day teaching Troy how to use various weapon and sharp knives. My 'knush' and sword were left at Dumpville so while Mike was showing Troy the best way to kill the infected I looked around the pub and gathered anything I could use as a weapon. I collected various knives and sharp objects. I also found an old curtain pole and sharpened both edges creating a sharp spike at each end.

I've hardly said a word all day to Auntie Meryl. She's been reading loads of old magazines. Every time I've tried to speak to her she's told me to shush and that she's reading something or doing a puzzle. Mind you, she has been amazing with the twins. She's been looking after them, changing their nappies and feeding them. I think she's secretly enjoyed it. Mike's enjoyed spending time with his nephews too. He really adores them and it's kind of nice to see the look on his face when he's cradling them. He was holding them both in his arms and he looked up at me and smiled. "They're literally the most beautiful things in the world," said Mike, "I can't understand why TJ wouldn't want to spend time with them." Mike looked down at the twins. "It's OK," he said to them, "Your Uncle Mike and your Uncle Luke will always look after you. We'll take care of you. We will love you forever and ever and ever and ever. Yes we will. Yes we will. You're both so cute. Yes you are. Yes you are." Mike having two little nephews has had a lovely and meaningful impact on him.

The twins do spend a lot of time screaming and crying and I'm worried that the noise might attract the infected but so far they've kept their distance and Mike's done a great job of barricading the doors and windows which I think has helped keep the sound in.

Tomorrow me, Mike and Troy are going to go out, go back to the cash n carry (if we can find it from here) and hopefully bring back food and stuff for the dogs and the babies. I know Troy's not looking forward to it but I'm sick of being the one that goes out on runs and does all the donkey work while people like Troy stay behind, relax and do their hair. I'll make him pull his weight tomorrow whether he likes it or not.

I've been thinking about Anne and The Traders and wondering if we should try and get to them. As we haven't radioed Anne in a while I am sure she'd be worried about us. Maybe she and her people will go to Dumpville, find the place destroyed and then go around looking for us. Tomorrow I'm going to try and draw a map and figure out where we are in relation to the cash n carry, Dumpville and the car plant.