Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 397: Wednesday 27th September 2017 20:55

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Day 397
Wednesday 27th September 2017 20:55

Bit of a quiet day (apart from Trudy saying she's been struggling to get the taste of badger out of her mouth). You'd think she's eaten elephant sh*t the way she's been carrying on. Mind you, I can't really say anything after all the fuss I made yesterday.

I did manage to speak to Mike. He's back on speaking terms with me again but that didn't come about without a long chat which made me feel like I was his Dad. He was laid on his bed with his head in his pillow sulking like a moody child. "You were mean to me," complained Mike in a moaning tone. "I know I was," I said, "I'm sorry. It was just a shock you know? When I knew we were going to be eating meat beginning with B, I assumed it was beef. You and Mary used to go around killing cows remember?" "There aren't any cows around here," sulked Mike. "Yeah well I thought you must have gone out and found one," I said, "I never thought you'd have killed a badger. Like I said, it was just a bit of a shock. Anyway I spoke to TJ and he made me see that I'd gone a bit over the top. I'm sorry. I think you went to a lot of effort and I shouldn't have said what I said." "You were really mean," said Mike sounding like a stroppy child. "I know I was," I said, "And I shouldn't have been. I never thought I'd end up eating badger." "You said it tasted OK," said Mike. "And it did," I said. "So what does it matter if it was badger or beef?" asked Mike. "Well I suppose as long as it feeds us, tastes alright and doesn't poison us, I don't suppose it does matter." "Well then," said Mike. "Yeah OK," I said, "You've got a point and I'm sorry I had a go." "I nearly called you a selfish, ungrateful, naughty little piggie," said Mike. Well, I'm sorry," I said, "I suppose I'm still feeling angry about Naomi not being here. I suppose you got some of that anger." "It's OK," said Mike, with a gentle smile, "I guess I'm still angry about Goyle killing Mary. Maybe you got some of that anger." I smiled at Mike and held out my hand offering a handshake. Mike gave me a beaming smile, ignored my handshake, flung his arms around me and gave me a huge and also inappropriately close hug, as we fell back on the bed. "Oh I'm glad we're friends again," said Mike, "I love you. I really, really love you." TJ appeared in the doorway and looked on at the strange scene before him. Mike was hurting my broken arm. "MIKE IT HURTS!" I shouted, "IT HURTS! "For God's sake," said TJ, "If you two are going to bum each other at least close the door first. I don't want to see my big brother sticking his c*ck up your arse and you saying how much it hurts.

I asked Mike to get off as the tight and intimate hug was making it hard for me to breathe, not to mentioning hurting my broken arm. Mike sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at TJ. "Me and Luke are friends again," said Mike, "Isn't that great?" "Whoopty f*cking doo," TJ said, "What you going to do now big brother? Roast us a raccoon for lunch?" "I'm not sure about raccoons," said Mike, "But I could have a look for pigeon? Or a rabbit?" "You could cook some of Nanna's arse," said TJ, "There's more meat on that there is in a butcher's freezer." "Talking about my arse again, TJ?" I said, "I think you need to just come out of the closet and be done with it."

I am glad Mike is talking to me again. His unpredictable behaviour unnerves me at times but he can be useful in a crisis and I have lost count of how many times he's saved my life. I guess I've also learned that eating meat I wouldn't usually eat isn't that bad, and as it's the end of the world I might have to stop being such a stuck up snob and accept that I might have to get used to eating badger and pigeon rather than salmon and chicken. Mind you, if we're going to be staying here (and it looks like we are!) it would be good to try and find some chickens; not only would that give us some poultry to eat it would also give us some eggs.