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Day 394
Sunday 24th September 2017 21:11
A quiet day.
Still no Naomi.
Mike's been coming up with different ways of how he can kill Goyle. He's clearly still angry with him for killing Mary. I think he had a soft spot for her.
Lindon's spent most of the day sat in the corner eating tinned food, scratching his arse and staring into space with a gormless look on his face.
Courtney and Josh have been acting like they're joined at the hip, kissing and cuddling. "For f*cks sake," said Trudy, "Will you two get a room. It's a big enough house with enough bedrooms. I don't want to see you both sucking each other's tonsils." "You're just jealous," said Courtney. "I'm really not," said Trudy, "I've kissed more boys than I've had diarrhoea and believe me I've had diarrhoea a lot. Now f*ck off upstairs if you want to lick each other's gums. I don't want to see it."
Auntie Meryl's spent most of the day reading a couple of Mills and Boon books and TJ's been trying to tell me how he once went down on Cheryl Cole while she was sat on the X Factor panel. "You're so full of sh*t," I said. "It's true," said TJ, "She had the hairiest minge I have ever seen, which is weird because you think she'd be smooth down there, but no. I pulled down her knickers and it was like been hit the face with an air bag. I'm telling you, it was like Michael Jackson's afro down there." I walked away from TJ like I walked away from Auntie Meryl, feeling annoyed.
No one has even mentioned Naomi's name today. It's like they've all accepted she's not coming back and that makes me feel really angry and quite sad. . .
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Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400
HumorLuke Warm (yes his real name!) feels like he's the unluckiest man in the world. Recently divorced, facing redundancy and named after a disappointing temperature he finds himself stuck in a sexual health clinic, with a number of strangers on the day...
