Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 281: Saturday 3rd June 2017 19:45

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Day 281
Saturday 3rd June 2017 19:45

I'm not in Dumpville. I recently regained consciousness to find that I'm in a cell in young offender's institute, being guarded by someone who seems friendly but is a mysterious and unknown character.

The drama started just before I was due to go on my first run since arriving at Dumpville. Sergeant Reed's ankle is still causing him some pain meaning he couldn't go, so the run was led by two soldiers called Private Smith and Private Jones. Smith and Jones! DeShawn and I were at the main entrance with Dump, Smith, Jones and Reed, who was still limping. "Luke!" exclaimed Dump, "You're not going out on this run are you? You won't last two minutes." "Yes, I am," I plainly said, "I've made it clear I want to go out on some runs. I went on plenty of runs before I got here, you know?" "Well there is one main rule," said Dump, "Privates Smith and Jones are in charge." I tried not to laugh but I struggled to contain myself. "Is something funny, Luke?" asked Dump. "Oh come on," I said, "Smith and Jones." Nothing. "Smith and Jones!" I exclaimed. Again, nothing. "Oh come on," I sad, "That's funny." Dump, Reed, Smith and Jones just stared at me with blank expressions. Dump looked at me and DeShawn. "As I say, you both do what Privates Smith and Jones say, when they say it," continued Dump, "Don't argue with them and don't leave their sight. They ARE in charge." "We're not children," I said. "It's for your own safety," said Dump, "It's best that you amateurs are protected by a trained soldiers." "Amateurs?" I said to Dump, frowning, "I think you're more of an amateur than me." Dump smiled. "You should know by now that I'm anything but an amateur, Luke" he said. Dump then looked at DeShawn and gave him a weird smirk. "DeShawn, boy," he said, "I'd like to say thank you for last night's entertainment. I'm glad you strange, unnatural, sinful cross dressing folk can find some humour in your sordid way of life." I turned to DeShawn and curiously waited for him to respond. He smiled at Dump and said "Well I'm glad I entertained you in a similar way to how you entertain me," said DeShawn, calmly and with a smile. Dump frowned and looked unimpressed. Inside I was smiling. Good on you DeShawn, I thought. Mia, Naomi, Trudy, Auntie Meryl, Troy, TJ and Lindon then appeared. We all hugged and said our goodbyes. "You just make sure you stay safe and look after yourself," said Mia, "I want you back here in one piece." I gave Auntie Meryl a kiss on the cheek. "Knock all that off," she said, "You're off out for a jar of jam not going to war." People started putting in specific orders. "I want some Toni and Guy hair dye so I can bleach my hair," said Troy. "I want a sh*t load of condoms," said TJ, "Because I plan to do a monumental amount of shagging." "We're going out to get food and supplies," I said, "Not shopping items linked to vanity and sex." "Well I could do with a recent newspaper," said Auntie Meryl, "I haven't had an up to date copy since we got here." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I noticed Naomi stood at the back of everyone. We exchanged silent but serious glances. She gave me a brief but sincere smile and then nodded her head. It's a shame I didn't get a hug off her but I was glad she gave me some sort of nice acknowledgement.

I took one final look around Dumpville and saw other soldiers teaching people how to defend themselves using guns and knives, whilst other residents were being shown how to drive cars. It looked quite positive but I couldn't help but feel suspicious. "Having a good look around eh, Luke?" asked Dump, "Pretty impressive isn't?" "Let's just get out of here," I said.  Privates Smith and Jones handed me and DeShawn a hand gun and a sharp knife each. I noticed they still had their hand held machine guns which I thought would clearly do a lot more damage than our smaller and frankly inferior guns but I guess being given some sort of weapon was better than not being given any. I would have preferred my own bag with my 'knush' but I've learned to pick when I start arguments. DeShawn and I said our final goodbyes and exited through the main gates with Smith and Jones where we looked out on to a long, wide, and quiet road. It felt really weird but kind of refreshing to be outside Dumpville. I knew it was more dangerous outside but I felt free and in control. DeShawn and I smiled at each other. The four of us climbed into a large Army Jeep driven by Smith and drove off.