Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 388: Monday 18th September 2017 23:47

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Day 388
Monday 18th September 2017 23:47

Matt and the bears left us today.

Part of me felt a bit sad but another part of me was relieved. There's a lot more room in the house now they've gone. The lot of them got on their bikes this morning and said goodbye. Me, Mike and TJ went outside to wave them off. "Are you going to be safe out on the road?" I asked. "We'll be fine," said Matt, "No offence, but hanging around with you lot comes with too much stress." "You could still come with us to City One," I said. "Get a grip Nanna," said TJ, "Now that Seth's brown bread it doesn't look like anyone's going to be able to get to City One, including us." "I think TJ's right, Luke," said Matt, "Look, you guys do what you need to do. I think we'll be better off on our own. After all the drama with you lot I think we're a bit tougher than we used to be." "Where will you go?" I asked. "I dunno, Nanna, love," said Matt, "We might go South and see if we can set up a base there. We've got the bikes so we'll be OK." "Are you sure you won't stay?" I asked. "We're sure," said Matt, "Anyway I think your Auntie Meryl would prefer to see the back of us, and I don't mean in a kinky way. Me and the guys are in the room next to her so the sound of me and the boys having a slutty sub sandwich is something she's probably fed up with by now; that's the impression I got when she banged on the wall anyway." Matt turned round and finished loading up his bike. He was wearing the trousers with the arse cut out so we were once again treated to the sight of his pasty white fluffy bum. "For f*cks sake," said TJ.

Matt and I hugged each other and he told me to look after myself to which I reciprocated. He then went to hug TJ who quickly took a step back and instead offered a manly handshake. Matt and Mike hugged each other and with that final manly embrace, Matt and the bears were off. They started their engines, lowered the visors on their helmets and rode off.  "God he's so gay," said TJ, as he looked at Matt's hairy bare arse, squashed on the bike seat, driving off into the distance, "How many c*cks do you reckon he's had up his arse? I'm surprised his bike didn't disappear when he sat on it."

We returned into the house and walked back into the living room. "Have they gone?" asked Auntie Meryl. I nodded. "Good," she firmly said, "At least we've got more room now. Bl**dy sweaty Betties. It stank like a German sauna up on that landing, oh, and the squelching sounds coming from their room! It was like someone was putting their feet into a pair of wellies filled with thick custard." I told Auntie Meryl that Matt and the bears had gone and that we wouldn't be seeing them again (mind you, you never know).

I managed to catch up with Josh today. He told me that after Ian went crazy and ate baby Olivia he legged it. "What about your Mum, Sally?" I asked. Josh shrugged. "I'm glad she's dead," he said, "She was a sh*t Mum anyway." "She's not dead," I said, "Well she wasn't when I last saw her." I started to tell Josh about us finding out how he and Courtney were Amelia's parents but he interrupted me and told me Courtney had brought him up to speed. "So Mum's out there with Sophie somewhere?" asked Josh. I nodded. "I'm just glad I'm back with Courtney," said Josh, "We belong together, and I'd rather be here than serving chips to those ACROBAT melts." "Melts?" I said sounding confused. "Yeah, it's what you say when you want to call someone an idiot," said Josh. "Well why don't you just call them an idiot?" I asked. "God you're such a Nanna," said Josh. I asked Josh what he knew about ACROBAT and if he'd seen or heard anything that might be useful to us. "Like what?" said a stroppy Josh. "I don't know," I said, "Did you hear anyone saying why they wanted me, TJ, Trudy and Naomi?" "No," said Josh, "I heard them mention your names but from what I heard the soldiers don't even know why they're supposed to be looking for you." "Well what about their mission priority?" I asked, "Did they say anything about that?" "Look old man," said Josh, "All I was doing was serving chips. I'm not some secret under cover spy." "Did you hear anything or not?" I firmly asked. "No," snapped Josh, "Now quit hassling me." Josh walked off leaving me with more questions than answers.

In the afternoon me, Mike and TJ buried Seth in the back yard. We simply couldn't leave him out there on the ground. Not only did it feel cruel, we were worried about the ACROBAT drones seeing him. We tried to talk to Naomi about doing some sort of funeral but she didn't respond to any of our efforts. She continued looking blankly into space. I told Naomi we'd bury Seth and say a few words if she wanted to join us but again, she remained silent.

As we placed Seth in the ground I noticed that there was a couple of gunshot wounds in his chest. "Someone shot him," I said. "So what?" said TJ, "Bullets were flying everywhere. I'm surprised none of us got shot." "Yeah but did he get shot before or after the infected got to him?" I asked. "It doesn't matter," said TJ, "He's still dead." "But it might mean it's not Courtney's fault," I said. "Get a grip Nanna," said TJ, "This was definitely her fault. Naomi's going to rip her head off when she comes back down to Earth."

Once we'd buried Seth, everyone excluding Naomi came outside to pay their respects. "Why haven't you made a grave for Mary?" asked Courtney. "Are you kidding?" snapped TJ, "After the hairy lipped b*tch told Goyle and his troops where we were." "You don't know Mary said anything," snapped Courtney. "Goyle told us she grassed us up," said TJ. "No," said Courtney, "He told us to ASK her if she'd grassed us up." "Look just shut up Wednesday Addams," snapped TJ, "Don't you think you've caused enough trouble?" "I haven't done anything," snapped Courtney. "Yeah, not much," said a sarcastic TJ, "If it wasn't for you letting all the infected out of the garage like some crazy b*tch, Seth might still be alive." "TJ, just shut up," I said. "Yeah shut up you w*nker," snapped Courtney. "Courtney you need to shut up too," I firmly said. "Well tell him," snapped Courtney, pointing at TJ, "I didn't kill Seth." "You might as well have done," said TJ. "God, will you all shut up," snapped Trudy, "This is meant to be a frigging funeral." "Well it's a sh*t funeral," snapped Courtney, "I'm off back inside. I didn't even know him." Courtney stormed back into the house followed by Josh. An awkward and silent atmosphere lingered for a while. Auntie Meryl then leaned over to me. "Whose funeral is it?" she asked. I rolled my eyes and what followed was a short ceremony of sorts where we said a few words about Seth and even fewer about Mary. I don't care what Courtney says; I'm certain Hairy Mary told Goyle where we all were.  It was weird having a funeral for Seth without Naomi being involved.

Later on a few of us started talking about City One. "Well I think we should come up with a new plan," said TJ, "There's no point going there now." "What do you mean?" I said, "We've still got Naomi's map." "We might as well forget about that," said TJ, "Seth said himself he wasn't too sure if they'd let us all in. Now that he's dead these GRID f*ckers aren't going to let a bunch of strangers in to their futuristic underground city are they? I reckon we should get in the vans and drive as far away from here as possible." "And go where?" I asked. "I don't know," said TJ, "I just know that if those ACROBAT arseholes have still got their drones following us, then I reckon they know we're on our way to City One so to put them off the scent I think we should go in the opposite direction."

For once I agree with TJ and I can see his point but I'm not totally comfortable with the idea of just abandoning the plan to go to City One. Once Naomi's properly back with us we can include her in the conversations and decide what we want to do.