Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 277: Tuesday 30th May 2017 22:16

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Day 277
Tuesday 30th May 2017 22:16

I feel cr*p. Everyone has starting voting today. Tomorrow is when the result is revealed.

Dump has told everyone that I have dropped out of the election and he said the reason was because I couldn't handle the pressure and that I was becoming stressed. B*stard! This resulted in loads of people knocking on my door and expressing a keen desire to talk to me. The first person to see me was Mia. She asked if I was OK and if I was upset about anything. I said I wasn't but it was pretty obvious I was p*ssed off about something. I just told her exactly what Dump said and that running Dumpville would be stressful and that it's stress I can do without. "Well don't worry, Luke," said Mia, "If I win I'll make sure you're my deputy." I gave Mia a sympathetic smile. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was more chance of plaiting p*ss than there was of her becoming the next leader.

Esther was the next person to see me. She didn't beat about the bush. "Dump got to you didn't he?" she said. I really wasn't in the mood for her so I told her I didn't want to talk about it and that I wanted to be alone. "You don't want to talk about it?!" she exclaimed, "Well frankly, it's tough! Everyone knows we've shagged each other because of you!" "Because of me?!" I exclaimed, "How the Hell have you worked that out?" "You told Dump you were having sex with someone, and because of what happened between us last time, everyone has guessed it's with me," said Esther, "I've been getting weird looks all morning." "My heart bleeds," I replied sarcastically. "Everyone knows I had sex with man who sh*t himself on stage, flashed at school children and has a penis so small it's a medical mystery and a fascination to science," said Esther. "Well I didn't want anyone knowing I was shagging a woman who gave me crabs and who has a lump of coal where her heart should be," I said. "OK, let's stop this," said Esther, "I didn't come round here to fight. I want to know what's happened. Has Dump said something to you?" "Oh God," I said, sounding annoyed, "Does it matter? People out there are voting as we speak. You've got less competition now I've dropped out, I thought you'd be pleased." "It doesn't make sense," said Esther, "You were talking to me about having determination and not giving up and then all of a sudden YOU'RE the one giving it up." "Like Dump says, the thought of running this place stresses me out, and as you've seen, stress and I don't go well together," I said. "Well I don't believe you," said Esther, "I think there's something you're not telling me." "I don't care," I said, "Is this conversation over now?" "Why are you being like this?" Esther asked. "Because I want to be," I said in a stroppy tone. "Being like this just makes me feel even surer that there's something you're not telling me," said Esther. "I don't care," I said. "Do you REALLY want Dump to stay as leader?" asked Esther. "Well like I said, everyone's voting today and tomorrow so this time in forty-eight hours you might be the new leader." Esther eventually left and I was glad to be alone but not long after she'd left I had another visitor.

There was a knock at the door and when I answered Naomi barged in. "What the Hell do you think you're doing?! she yelled, "I didn't help you prepare for all those speeches just for you to drop out." "Oh, so you're talking to me now are you?" I asked. "Grow up, Luke," said Naomi, "This is serious. What do you think you're playing at? Dump's said something to you hasn't he?" "Dump hasn't said anything," I said, lying through my teeth, "I've just changed my mind, that's all. I don't want to be leader of this sh*t hole." "Well that's not what you said the other day," said Naomi, "In fact you were really excited. You thought you were in with a very real chance of winning. You WANTED to be leader." "Yeah, that's called changing your mind," I said. "Don't get funny with me," said Naomi, firmly, "Something's going on here. You were all up for this yesterday. You even got up on stage and talked about what happened with Robbie. You wouldn't do that if you really didn't want to be leader." "Are you deaf?" I said, "I've changed my mind. It happens. Get over it." "Why are you being such a pr*ck?" asked Naomi. "Haven't you heard?" I said, "I am a pr*ck. That's what you called me yesterday just after you slapped me across the face. Remember?" "Well I was worried about you," said Naomi, "Getting involved with Esther is going to end in tears." "You're worried about me, so you slap me?" I said, sounding confused and sarcastic, "Yeah, that makes sense. I don't care what you say, I reckon you're jealous. You don't like it when another woman is getting my attention." "You're being a f*cking arsehole," said Naomi. I shrugged and raised my eyebrows. "So what's new?" I asked, "If I want to be an arsehole, I'll be an arsehole. In fact if I want to shag Esther then I will shag Esther, and if you don't like it, well that's tough." "I didn't come round here to talk to you about Esther, I came here to talk about the election," said Naomi. "Well I don't want to talk about it," I said. "This is Dump," said Naomi, "He's obviously got to you. Tell me what's happened." I looked away and turned my back on Naomi. "Luke for God's sake," said Naomi, "It's obvious something's going on. It's me. Talk to me. Come on, please tell me. Has he threatened you or something? Has he said he'd do something to your Auntie or something?" I was feeling really upset. I hated myself for being controlled like this by Dump but I obviously didn't have a choice. I'm angry with Naomi for slapping me yesterday, and maybe some of that came out during me snapping at her, but I didn't like being so aggressive with her. "Naomi, just go away," I said, "I want to be on my own." "I'm not going anywhere until you start talking to me," said Naomi, "And I mean talking to me properly."

There was a moment of silence. "Fine," Said Naomi, "I'll go speak to Dump myself. I'll have it out with him and ask him to his face what he's done to cause all this?" This worried me. I thought if Naomi spoke to Dump it would make things worse and possibly result in Dump carrying out his threat and taking Amelia off Naomi. I needed to make sure Naomi kept away from Dump so I decided to tell more lies. I turned round, walked right up to Naomi, frowned, adopted an angry expression and aggressively grabbed her by the arms. "Will you just shut up?!" I shouted, causing Naomi to look shocked, "God, you just go on and on and on don't you? This hasn't got anything to do with Dump you dumb idiot. I never wanted to be in this bl**dy election in the first place. You were the one that pushed me into it. I only went along with it because I thought there'd be a chance of me getting into your knickers. That's it. That's all it was ever about; me trying to get you into bed, and now that it's getting close to the votes being counted, it's getting a bit real for me so I've dropped out. You've made it obvious you're not going to shag me and I don't want to run this f*cking dump so I quit. I'm done with this election." Naomi looked absolutely horrified and kind of upset. "Well come on," I said, "This is the part where you slap me isn't it?" Naomi maintained her shocked expression and shook her head. "I don't even want to touch you," she said, "You did all of this just to try and get me into bed?" I casually shrugged my shoulders. "All that help and support I gave you," said Naomi, "All those speeches I helped you prepare and you weren't even interested in being leader. We could end up with Dump or Esther being in charge of this place." I again, casually shrugged. "Don't care," I said. Naomi shook her head in anger and disappointment as she walked towards the front door. "I knew you were a bit clumsy and a bit thoughtless at times," she said, "But I never knew you could be so manipulative and so selfish. Just stay away from me." Naomi then left, leaving me feeling very angry and upset. Part of me was glad that she believed what I'd said as it meant she'd avoid Dump, and that's exactly what I wanted but now she's so angry with me that she doesn't want to be around me. I guess it all boiled down to two choices; one, have Naomi on speaking terms with me and risk Dump taking Amelia from her or two, have Naomi NOT on speaking terms with me and have the risk of Dump taking Amelia from Naomi significantly reduced. I think I've done the right thing but I'm left feeling really down and fed up.

A few other people came to see me. Troy asked if he would still get his gay night at Triton's and TJ asked if I'd still be organising a wet T Shirt competition. Trudy and Lindon didn't turn up asking if I was going to keep the promise I'd made to them. I presume they know that there's no point in asking. I told TJ and Troy that as I was no longer in the election and that they should forget about what I said. Troy made some bitchy comments and TJ made some childish jokes about me having sex with Esther and then I got rid of them.

I still don't know who has told Dump our secrets, although I still think it's TJ. Right now, I just don't care. It's the big day tomorrow. Tomorrow evening the votes will be counted and the leader will be announced. I obviously don't want Dump to be leader and I don't really want Esther to be leader (especially after she was such a nightmare in the Safety Zone) and Mia hasn't got what it takes to be leader, so who do I vote for? Maybe I shouldn't vote at all. What's the point? If Dump can get to me like he has maybe he can also get to Esther and Mia? Maybe I should vote for the best of a bad bunch, I'm just not sure who that is right now.