Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 354: Tuesday 15th August 2017 21:14

https://www.facebook.com/lukesdiary/posts/332261183881528

Day 354
Tuesday 15th August 2017 21:14

Bit of an emotional and tense day.

When I woke up I saw Matt and the other gay guys sat in the communal area with Mike and Courtney with a wide range of sex toys and other equipment scattered all over the coffee table. "What's going on?" I asked. "Well you know because we like gay bum sex," said Mike, "Well Matt and the guys are showing us all of gay bum sex toys. Look. Don't they look colourful, and there's so many of them too." "That one's been up my arse," said Matt, pointing to the big black dildo in the middle of the table, "And I think those two have been up Panda's arse," he said, pointing to two other large dildos, "Probably both at the same time." Mike looked confused. "Why would you put them up your arse?" he asked, "Won't that hurt?" "Well you know what they say, Mike," said Matt, "No pain, no gain." "Well I thought you just played with them," said Mike, "You know, using them to play sword fighting or something whilst you're having gay bum sex." "Well I've usually got both hands holding on to the metal bars in front of me," said Matt. He then picked up a long dildo with two heads on both ends. "What's that?" asked Mike, "It looks like a weird slug." "It's called a double header," said Matt. "Oh I know all about double headers," said Mike, "Me and the lads at the football club I used to be in perfected the double header technique." "Well I'd LOVE to see you and your double header technique," said Matt, "Can I see it?" "Yeah OK," said Mike, "Can I see your balls?" "Wow you don't muck around do you?" said Matt. I interjected at this point. "Mike," I said, "I think Matt's talking about something else. You really don't want to show him your double header." "Oh, listen to Nanna being a Nanna," said Matt, "I can't believe how shy you are. We're all gay guys together." Matt looked confused as he glanced his eye across the table. "Panda," he said, "Where's the cock-o-matic 2000? I can't see it with the rest of the dildos?" Panda picked up a small remote control and pressed a button. A muffled buzzing sound started emanating from Matt's arse. He looked a bit confused. He reached underneath his towel, lifted his leg up and with a small amount of strain on his face he produced a sixteen inch fleshy coloured vibrating dildo out of his arse and plonked it in the middle of the table. I looked on in shock. I couldn't think of any words. "There it is," said Matt, "I've been looking for that for days. Honestly, I lost my bike when I was eighteen, that's probably up there somewhere too". There was a short pause. I felt very uncomfortable and I couldn't think of what to say. "What sort of bike was it?" asked Mike. I gave Mike a look of disbelief. I couldn't believe he was asking such stupid and meaningless questions.

I walked away shaking my head, feeling shocked at what I'd just seen. I walked over to TJ who was looking into one of the backrooms with a confused and perplexed look on his face. He was looking at some sort of sex apparatus. It was black and metal with bits hanging off it. "What do you reckon it is?" he asked me. "I've no idea," I said, "Looks like some sort of sex climbing frame." Matt then appeared. "You OK guys?" he said with his usual cheesy smile, "Checking out some of the equipment?" "Just trying to figure out what it is?" said TJ. "I can show you how to use it if you want," said Matt, "You need about four people to really appreciate its true potential. Your head goes here whilst someone else's arse goes here. This was one of Daz's favourites." "What's that?" I asked, pointing at some strange attachment on the wall. "Oh that's loads of fun," said Matt. "It's a bit like one of those baby bouncers, but if you put your legs in here, it puts your arse in the air and you can get drilled better." TJ shook his head. "I've gotta get out of here," he said, "This place is doing my head in."

Later on Mike was talking to me about being in the sauna. "I know all these guys are a bit weird in here," said Mike, "Walking around in nothing but towels and all that but they seem nice enough don't they?" "I suppose," I said. "They say stuff I don't understand though," said Mike, "I mean, what's a glory hole meant to be?" Matt then appeared. "What we chatting about?" he asked with his usual cheery smile. "Mike was just asking me what a glory hole is," I said. "Well I'll show you," said Matt with a happy grin. He took hold of Mike's hand and walked him over to the side of a cubical that had a small hole in it. "There you go," said Matt, pointing at the hole, "That's the glory hole." "Well what's it for?" asked Mike. "Well, put it this way," said Matt, "If you put your hand – or maybe something else – in through there, you'll get a nice warm feeling." "OK," said Mike, "I'll give it ago." "No, Mike," I said with urgency. But it was too late. He squatted on the floor and with a curious smile on his face he put his arm through the glory hole. Matt looked down at Mike with a cheeky smile. "Feel good?" he asked. Mike gave a confused but curious smile. "Hmm," he said, "It does feel warm. A bit like trying to unblock a clogged up drain pipe." "Mike, please just stop," I said. "It reminds me of that episode of Super Vet where the man tried to help the big farmyard cow give birth. Is there a big fat cow behind there?" "You could say that there's a big fat Panda behind there," giggled Matt. "Mike, please stop," I said, "Please." At that moment Courtney appeared and looked upon the scene with numbness. "I'm not even going to ask," she said. She then walked off. Mike removed his arm and stood up. "That was weird," said Mike, "It felt nice though. What's behind there?" "Mike," I said, "Please don't ask and please don't make me tell you. Just wash your arm and let's never talk about this again." "Do I need to wash my arm?" asked Mike. "Yes," I plainly said, "The smell of sweat mixed with internal bum juice is a bit pungent." "Bum juice?" said Mike. "Forget it," I said, "Just go and wash your arm." Mike walked off. "What's up, Nanna?" asked Matt, "You looked shocked. Haven't you used a glory hole before?" "Not really," I said, "I suppose you've tried loads." "Oh yeah," said Matt, "I've tried everything. I suppose I'm just a massive gay slag with an arsehole as wide as the equator and as deep as the Earth's core but it's all good gay fun isn't it? It hurts sometimes but I guess sacrifice is sometimes necessary." "I know a guy called Dump that used to say that," I said. "Well I'm a different kind of dump," said Matt with a cheeky smile, "A cum dump." At that moment Panda walked out of the cabin with the glory hole in it. He looked at me, smiled and winked and then walked off. "Oh no," I said with urgency, "It wasn't me. THAT wasn't me! It was Mike! It wasn't me, it was Mike!" Great! I thought to myself. Great!