Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 278: Wednesday 31st May 2017 21:21

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Day 278
Wednesday 31st May 2017 21:21

What a day!

Esther has gone! She's left Dumpville! Dump announced that he caught her in Triton's last night, where the polling station has been set up, removing votes for him from the ballot box. Dump said he gave Esther an ultimatum, be publicly unmasked as a cheat and deal with the consequences or leave Dumpville and avoid the shame. Dump said that Esther chose to leave and that Sergeant Reed escorted her from the park, provided her with a car and gave her some weapons and supplies. I'm in absolute shock! I don't believe for a second that Esther would leave. She spoke with such determination when I saw her yesterday. Mind you, so did I the day before. I think Dump has said something to her and made her leave. I have no idea what he could have said to her but that manipulative control freak is capable of anything. Maybe he threatened her like he did with me. This has obviously effected the election. It now means anyone who voted for Esther has to cast their vote again and that the result won't be announced until tomorrow evening or the morning of the day after. The whole thing is pointless now. Dump is obviously going to win. Mia is a nice girl but no one around here is going to vote for her.

Esther's departure is something we've been talking about all day. We were all gathered in one of the cafes discussing the situation. "I can't believe she was trying to fix the votes," said Troy, "She was obviously desperate to be leader and she must have thought Dump was going to win. What a sneaky b*tch. I never liked her." "Esther's a lot of things," I said, "But she's not a cheat. She prides herself on being moral and showing integrity. There's no way she tried to fix this election." "Well you would say that wouldn't you," sniped Troy. "What do you mean?"  I asked. "It means you won't hear a bad word said against your girlfriend," said Troy bitchily. "She's not my girlfriend," I said, "She was never my girlfriend." "Yeah but you were f*cking her weren't you?" said TJ with a smirk, "What was she like? I bet she's got a right dry f*nny." "You're disgusting," I said. "I'm disgusting?!" exclaimed TJ, "You're the one who's been sticking your little chipolata in Esther's fan oven. Did you do her up the bum? Stuck up cows like that love anal. Gwyneth Paltrow; she's proper stuck up. She couldn't get enough of my rod being shoved up her arse. Ha. She was stuck up and she liked it being stuck up her. Get it? Ha! She did. She got it good and hard." "TJ, shut up," I said, "You've never met Gwyneth Paltrow." "I have," he said, "I bumped into her in a Subway in Milton Keynes when she was over here filming an advert for Woolworths. She was trying to pay for a meatball sub with a fake tenner and complaining that they hadn't put enough meat in her baguette. Half an hour later she was touching her toes and spreading her cheeks in the loading bay behind HMV in Milton Keynes Central Shopping Centre. She might have been complaining about not getting enough meat before but I gave her enough of my meat to satisfy her, I can tell you." "God, you're so full of sh*t," I said, "Gwyneth Paltrow has never done an advert for f*cking Woolworths." "She had to do Jury service so she pulled out," said TJ, "I didn't pull out though. I squirted my juice right up the dirty b*tch." "Can we stop talking about made up sex sessions with celebrities," I said, "Esther has gone. Doesn't anyone care?" "Don't worry," said TJ, "I'm sure there's some saggy old slapper around here who's desperate to shag a fat old loser like you." "Are you upset that she's gone because you don't get to have sex?" asked Mia. "No!" I loudly exclaimed, "I'm worried about her just like I'd be worried about anyone of you if I woke up and were told you'd gone." "I don't like everyone leaving like this," said Mia, "Mike, Debra, Mary and now Esther. Who's next?" "Are none of you suspicious about all of this?" DeShawn calmly asked. We all looked at him with various expressions of curiosity. "First of all Luke drops out of the election," said DeShawn, "Despite previously being determined to win. Now, Dump's other competitor, Esther has disappeared without saying a word. It looks like Dump is trying to win the election by eliminating his competition." There was a pause. Naomi, who sat next to Deshawn gave me a brief but piercing stare. "The only person who has seen Esther apparently tampering with the votes, is Dump," said DeShawn. "You're making it sound like some big corruption," said Troy. "I think it is," said DeShawn. "Isn't that when a volcano goes bang?" asked Mia. "That's eruption," said DeShawn. "Dump is an evil monster," said Naomi, "I don't like him and I don't trust him and I'll be voting for Mia." Mia gave Naomi a hug. "You never know," said Mia, "I might win." We all exchanged awkward looks which highlighted that as sweet as Mia is, most of us don't think she'll win. "I agree with Nicola," said Trudy, "The man's a f*cking fat w*nker. I can't stand him." "What's he done to you?" I asked. "I see him all the time leering over the girls in the kitchen," said Trudy, "And he keeps touching my bump. Creepy weirdo." "Maybe Luke could re-enter the election?" said DeShawn. Naomi looked up, stared at me and raised her eyebrows. I suddenly felt a huge amount of pressure as everyone threw hopeful looks at me. "Sorry, guys," I said, "Me getting involved in this election was a mistake right from the word go. I haven't got what it takes to be leader and to be honest I don't want the hassle." Naomi looked angry and disappointed. "Sorry, Luke," said DeShawn, "But I think it's a bit odd that you go from being really keen to win the election one day, to having virtually no interest the next." "Yeah I thought that was strange," said Mia. "It does sound a bit weird," said Trudy. I looked at the body language between DeShawn and Naomi. It was obvious that she'd spoken to him and told him what happened between us yesterday. I asked DeShawn what he was trying to imply and he said that he thought Dump has intimidated and threatened me forcing me to drop out of the election. He also said that he thought Dump intimidated and threatened Esther in the same way forcing her to leave. I couldn't let anyone know about Dump threatening me in case it ended up in Amelia being taken from Naomi. "Look," I said, "I don't know what's gone on with Esther but I wouldn't be surprised if Dump did something to make her leave. As for me, well, I've already told you. Entering the election was a mistake, a big mistake. I know Dump's a nightmare of a leader but I just don't want the stress and hassle of running this place. Sorry guys but I don't. None of you do either, otherwise you would have stood in the election right at the start. Dump might have done something dodgy with Esther but he hasn't done anything dodgy with me." There was a moment of silence. "So you've just wasted loads of time and got our hopes up all for nothing," said DeShawn. I felt like he was telling me off. "I made a mistake," I bluntly said, "You've made mistakes. We all have. Instead of everyone putting the pressure on me, maybe you or someone else could have stood in the election." There was an uncomfortable silence. "I just hope Esther's going to be OK," said Mia. "Esther can take care of herself," said Naomi, "You never know, she might have bumped into Mary or Mike." "If they're still alive," said TJ.

In the distance Dump was walking down the road. "Well there's our great leader," said Naomi, "Let's see what he's got to say for himself." Naomi stood up and I quickly grabbed her hand. "What are you doing?!" I exclaimed. Naomi wrenched her hand out of my grasp. "I'm doing the same thing you are," she quietly but viciously snapped, "What the Hell I want." Naomi stormed over to Dump. "OI! DUMP!" she shouted, "I want to talk to you." Everyone stood up and we all ran after Naomi. "Oh it's all going to kick off," said TJ. "Let's go watch," said Troy, "I love a good drama." "Go on Nicola!" Trudy loudly said, "Kick the sh*t out of the fat w*nker." Everyone gathered round as Naomi confronted Dump. He looked surprised to see her aggressively approaching him but he started playing a clever game. "Well, good day to you," he said with a pleasant tone, "How can I be of assistance?" "Cut the cr*p," Naomi said firmly, "Did you have anything to do with Esther leaving, yes or no?" Dump could see that we were all watching the confrontation so he put on a good show. "I really don't know what you mean," he said. "I'll rephrase," said Naomi, "What did you do to make Esther leave?" Dump laughed. "I'm very sorry," he chortled, "Are you accusing me of something, because if you are, I suggest a) you are specific and b) you have proof." "Esther might be a bossy b*tch," said Naomi, "But she'd never leave." "Well she has," said Dump. "I think you made her leave," said Naomi. "Not at all," Dump calmly said, "I caught her tampering with votes and as current leader I gave her two choices; leave or stay. She choice to leave. It's as simple as that" "Well we've only got your word for all this," said Naomi. "Are you suggesting I'm lying?" asked Dump. "That's exactly what I'm suggesting," said Naomi. "Well that sounds like a very serious accusation," said Dump, "I hope you have some proof." "How can I have proof?" asked Naomi, "You do all of this sort of stuff sneakily to make sure there's no witnesses." "What sort of stuff are you referring to?" asked Dump, "Maybe you'd like to be more specific?" I noticed Dump raise his eyebrows which I thought was his way of telling Naomi to watch her mouth. "It does look like most of my competition has gone," said Dump. "Exactly," said Naomi, "What are you going to do to get rid of Mia? Throw her off the cliff? Bury her on the beach?" "There's no need for melodramatics," said Dump, "It was Esther's choice to leave just like it was Luke's choice to withdraw from the election. I hope you all vote tomorrow and I'd like to wish my fellow candidate, Mia, all the best of luck. Naomi, I understand that you may be upset because your friend has left so I will overlook your upsetting and slanderous accusations on this occasion. Now let's have no more talk of conspiracy, enjoy the rest of our day and look forward to a fair and honest election and result being announced tomorrow." Dump smiled and walked off. Naomi looked absolutely furious and she stormed off in the opposite direction. Emotions are running high.

I think the result tomorrow is going to mean Dump stays as leader. There's no way the majority are going to vote for Mia. She couldn't lead this place. She'd struggle to lead p*ss into a bucket. I just wish we'd had another strong candidate that could give Dump a run for his money. I've been thinking about Esther. I hope she's OK. I know she can look after herself but it's scary out there all on your own, even if you are tough. I'm worried about Naomi too. I know we're not really talking at the moment but she keeps going out of her way to p*ss Dump off. I think if she winds him up any more he'll snap and do something that she won't like. I wish she knew that I said what I said yesterday to keep her and Amelia together but if I say anything it'll just make things worse. I need to keep my mouth shut.