Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 238: Friday 21st April 2017 21:09

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Day 238
Friday 21st April 2017 21:09

Another day where I've spent most of the day p*ssed off; mainly with Dump and Esther.

Naomi, DeShawn and I were on the football pitch running our infected safety class. We'd asked people to bring various knives, sharp objects, blunt items and anything that they thought could be used for a weapon. Some people turned up with ridiculous things. One man turned up with a f*cking shoe horn. "What the Hell are you going to do with that?" I asked, "Make sure the infected don't have ill-fitting shoes?" A woman had a cheese grater and said that she brought it because it was sharp. "Yeah it's sharp," I said, "But the infected aren't going to stand still until you've finished grating their face down to the brain." God, these people are so naive. We'd collected large items of fruit and we were using them to show people the best way to stab the infected. "If you've got the opportunity, take something sharp and long enough to reach the brain," I said, "And stab them in the eye and push the blade through to the brain." "I can't believe I'm stood here talking about stabbing people in the brain," said one of the women. "Not people," said DeShawn, "Infected. They're not people. They used to be, but not anymore." "DeShawn's right," said Naomi, "You've got to stop seeing them as people." "Yeah but stabbing someone in their brain," said the woman, "It's just awful." "Look, you've got to get over this," I said, "If those things get in here or a gang of psychos break through you need to be able to defend yourselves. Remember what we said yesterday. Kill or be killed." I grabbed a kitchen knife, quickly plunged it into a watermelon and retracted it just as quickly. "There," I said, "Don't muck about. In and out quickly. Like I said, it's easier to get to the brain through the eye but you might not always have time for that so if you don't have time, push the blade through the head and into the brain but do it quick and hard and fast. As soon as you feel the blade go through the brain, yank it out as quickly as you put it in." Everyone started practising on the watermelon and other large items of fruit and veg. Some of them were absolutely hopeless but some of them were quite good. As the lesson continued and we carried on giving useful tips we were suddenly interrupted by Dump. "Well now," he said with his usual fake and blinding smile, "What do we have here?" Everyone suddenly stopped, dropped their weapons, looked panicked and froze on the spot. I also felt slightly nervous; a bit like a naughty school boy who had been caught smoking at the back of the bike sheds. "We're teaching these people how to stay safe from the infected," said Naomi assertively. "Now why would you want to do that?" asked Dump with a cheery but intimidating tone. "We're scared," said one of the women. "You said those things wouldn't get in here," said one of the men. "We just want to be able to protect ourselves," said another man. "I see," said Dump, casting his eye over the group, "And is this how you all feel?" There was a moment of silence which kind of answered Dump's question. "The people have spoken," said Naomi. Dump didn't look happy. He gave Naomi an angry stare but then remembered everyone was looking at him so painted on his usual fake grin. "Well," said Dump, condescendingly, "If you think you can do a better job of keeping yourselves safe than my soldiers can, then I'd better tell them to come down off the walls." "What?!" exclaimed Naomi. Everyone looked really worried and more or less started begging Dump not to remove the soldiers. He was playing mind games and I didn't like this. "There's no need to remove the soldiers," I said, "Doing this just strengthens what we already have in place." "Well I'm sorry Mr. Warm," said Dump, "But that's not how I see it I'm afraid. I think doing this undermines what we already have in place. Why should my soldiers patrol these walls with guns 24/7 if people are going to start taking care of themselves? How do you think my soldiers will feel if they see you doing this? I think they'll feel undervalued and pretty unappreciated. I guess they'll be wondering what's the point in them doing what they're doing." "Let me speak to them," said Naomi, "I'll explain." "No," said Dump, "I will speak to them and then after I've spoken to them I will tell all of them they're relieved of duty." Again, everyone started panicking and begging Dump not to remove the soldiers. "For God's sake," said Naomi said to the others, "Stop begging him. Have some self-respect. He won't move the soldiers. That'll mean he'll be at the same level of risk as all of us." Dump took a step towards Naomi and gave her a creepy smile. "Try me," he said, "I think you need to be reminded of the little chat we had in my office the other day." I suddenly remembered that DeShawn had found a secret room with a gun in it inside Dump's house. This made me think there was a chance that Dump could actually move the guards and take shelter in his secret room if the sh*t hit the fan. "Besides which," Dump loudly said, as he continued to address everyone, "Being out in the open like this with such potentially dangerous weapons isn't safe. It's not safe for you or other people. You could get hurt and I wouldn't want that. It's also against the rules. I think if you're going to do this you need to be trained properly." "That's what we're doing," said DeShawn. "What's that you say, boy?" asked Dump, "You're training them how to use weapons? Well, I'm very sorry but I thought you were a cleaner not a weapons expert. The only people round here qualified to show anyone how to correctly use weapons and knives are the sergeants and their soldiers." "That's not a bad idea," said Naomi, "Why don't you get them doing this instead of us? If you're going to remove them from the walls, they'll have time won't they?" Dump paused, looked slightly angry for a second and then smiled. It was obvious he didn't like being challenged by Naomi. "Let's put a stop to this now," said Dump, "You don't need to be out here throwing knives about. You don't need to do this. We are all perfectly safe." Some of the others looked a bit defeated. It was like they were doing as they were told. "We weren't safe the other day when we had infected running around inside the walls and people ended up dead," said Naomi. "Most of those people ended up dead because of you," said Dump, "I'm very busy today but I think we should have a long and interesting talk tomorrow but right now let's stop this nonsense, go back to enjoying Dumpville and let the soldiers keep you safe." Everyone slowly started collecting their things and walking away. "You lot need to toughen up!" Naomi called after them, "You've got to stop relying on others to keep you safe and start learning how to keep yourself safe!" Naomi then turned and looked at Dump. "Those soldiers won't be able to keep us safe forever," she snapped at him. She then stormed off leaving me and DeShawn feeling deflated and quite angry at Dump. "I look forward to speaking to you three tomorrow," he said, trying to intimidate us. The man is an absolute moron. All he seems to care about is looking like he's in control.

Later in the day I returned to my office to catch up on some of the complaints paperwork but when I arrived at the office my clipboard had been moved. My pile of paperwork was still on my desk and so was the note saying 'don't move' but the clipboard and the paperwork attached to it had gone. This really p*ssed me off. I was still in a mood due to Dump being a pr*ck and now I was even more p*ssed off because my favourite, sturdy clipboard with important paper attached, that I wanted to catch up on, had been moved. "For f*cks sake!" I loudly moaned. I looked around the office but couldn't find anything. This is obviously Esther but why the Hell would she move my clipboard? I left a frigging sign saying 'don't move' and what does the b*tch go and do? She bl**dy moves it. I'm sure she's done it on purpose to p*ss me off. If I'd have left a note on my desk saying 'Don't do a sh*t on my desk' I bet I'd have walked into a massive turd sat there looking at me. I'm going to have to spend a lot longer than I wanted to in the office tomorrow now. I looked around for Esther but I couldn't find her. I'm going to have a right pop at her tomorrow.

So all in all, not a great day. The sergeants still aren't back and everyone has noticed. I know they're a bunch of cold army meat heads but I hope they come back safe.