Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 369: Wednesday 30th August 2017 23:33

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Day 369
Wednesday 30th August 2017 23:33

Bit of a quiet day. Trudy hasn't let the twins out of her sight all day and as there's still a few infected scattered outside we've all been too scared to go outdoors.

I noticed Mike sat on his own earlier on looking a bit down. "What's up with you?" I asked him, "We got out of that tree and got back here alive with the twins. You should be really happy." "Suppose," said a depressed sounding Mike. "You looked after your little nephews and brought them back to their parents," I said, "You should be really proud of yourself." "Mary said some horrible stuff yesterday," said Mike, sulking. "I know," I said, "But it says more about her than it does about you. Anyway she's all on her own and you're surrounded by lots of people and your two little nephews who love you loads." "Do you think so?" Mike asked. "Course I am," I said with a smile, trying to help Mike feel a bit more positive, "Mary's been on her own for too long and it's changed her." "I was on my own for ages and I didn't end up like that," said Mike. "No," I said, "You changed for the better because you were surrounded by people and Mary's changed for the worse because she's been on her own." "Well maybe we should go back and get her," said Mike, "If she spends time with us she might go back to being nice." "Yeah and she might kill us and nick all our food," I said, "Do you really want someone like that around your nephews? A child sex offender who's quite comfortable killing people to get their stuff. I think we're better off without her." "She said she used me," said Mike. "Yeah, I know, mate," I said, "But I think she just wanted to come across as strong and tough. I think she cared about you more than she let on." "Really?" said Mike, "Do you think so?" "Yeah," I said, "Anyway, it doesn't matter, she' gone now." "She hasn't gone, Luke," said Mike, pointing to the window, "She's out there, just through those woods." "Well whether she's in the woods, on the roof or on the bl**dy moon she's nothing to do with us anymore. Just forget about her and focus on looking after your little nephews."

I spent most of the afternoon talking to Naomi downstairs in the bar. It felt a bit weird down there but it was nice and quiet. We could hear the infected shuffling about outside but thanks to the man I met yesterday who led most of them away there weren't too many of them out there and none of them were banging against the windows or doors. I asked Naomi how things had been here whilst I was stuck up the tree with Mike and the kids. "Is Trudy still chucking dirty looks at you?" I asked. "A bit," said Naomi, "But I reminded her that her kids were out there with an unstable man who killed his own sister, our friend and with another man who is a walking disaster. That's you. Sorry but you are. I asked her if she'd kill someone if it meant getting her kids back safe and sound. I saw the look on her face. She said she'd kill anyone to protect her kids but that she wouldn't want to be put in such a position. I told her that we sometimes find ourselves in positions that we don't want to be in and it sometimes means kill or be killed. Anyway she' got her kids back so her attentions on that now." Naomi could see the contemplative and frustrated expression on my face. "Come on then," she said, "There's obviously something on your mind. What's up?" "Mary," I said, "She really got to me yesterday. Is it our fault that Mary turned out like that?" "Why would it be our fault?" asked Naomi. "Well we sent her away," I said. "So," said Naomi, "You sent Mike away and he didn't turn into a cold hearted emotionless robot. We might have been responsible for sending Mary away but we're not responsible for how she turned out. That's all on her. Don't you dare go feeling guilty." "She said I manipulate people into looking after me," I said. "Ignore her," said Naomi, "She's a bitter, lonely middle aged woman who's got a chip on her shoulder the size of a football." "She said I surround myself with people who I know are stronger than me and that I get them to look after me," I said, "She said that's what I did with Mike." "Luke, just ignore her," said Naomi, "Don't let her wind you up." "Yeah but it's made me start questioning things," I said. "Well don't bother," said Naomi, "Mike looks after you because he wants to. He likes it. It's nothing to do with you manipulating him. He thinks you're great doesn't he? Anyway I don't think there's anything wrong with being surrounded by strong people." "She just really got to me," I said. "Yeah I can tell," said Naomi, "But try not to let her. The way I see it is that we need to be around people that we trust. We HELP each other to survive, we don't USE each other to survive. Maybe Mary's forgotten that." "It sounds like she's bee through Hell out there on her own," I said. "Don't make excuses for her, Luke," said Naomi, "We've all been through our own versions of Hell. We haven' ended up like her. This is about Mary, it's not about you or me." "Well that's not the only thing that p*ssed me off," I said, "Trudy implied that it's my fault Mary turned out the way she has, too." "Oh for God's sake, Luke," said Naomi, "Since when did you start listening to Trudy? She's got an opinion about everything. Ignore her, and ignore Mary too." "Should I have brought her back?" I asked Naomi. "Well I wasn't there yesterday," said Naomi, "Only you and Mike can really have an opinion." "Come off it," I said, "We can all have an opinion. Based on what I said yesterday do you think I should have brought her back?" "Well," said Naomi, "You sent Mike away and you let him come back." "Oh come on," I said, "That's not fair. That was totally different." "How was it different?" asked Naomi. "It just was," I emphasized, "You think I should have let her come back don't you?" "Look, Luke," said Naomi, "I can totally see why you don't want her here. I wasn't there. You and Mike were, and even though Mary's said stuff to p*ss you off I can see why she might be p*ssed off with you too." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well you sent Mike away and let him come back and he killed Alex and Kay. Mary knows that. She hasn't killed one of us and you've told her you don't want her back here. What's the difference between Mary and Mike? They were both sent away after doing stuff we didn't agree with." "Mike cares about us," I said, "Mary doesn't care about anyone now." "No, Luke," said Naomi, "Mike cares about the twins and he cares about you. He doesn't really care about anyone else. If you and those kids weren't here Mike wouldn't stick around with us." I felt a bit stumped. I wasn't sure what to say. "What do you want me to do?" I said to Naomi, "Do you want me to go back out there and fetch Mary?" "Oh Luke," said Naomi, sounding tired with it all, "It doesn't matter. Mary knows where we are. If she really wanted to come here and be with us then I'm sure she'd just make her own way over here with or without your permission." "So what are we going to do if she decides to come this way?" I asked. "Well let's cross that bridge when or if we come to it," said Naomi, "In the meantime we need to be looking for Seth, Amelia and Mia, and after all the drama with ACROBAT and the trails of dead human flesh they left so we could get killed by the infected, I think we need to have a chat about whether we stay here or whether we move on." There was a short pause and then Naomi changed the subject. "Anyway, what's all this about your penis being smaller than the national average?" she asked with a smile on her face, trying to lighten the mood.

I'm laid in bed now wondering if I should have brought Mary back with me. Naomi didn't seem that bothered but I got the feeling that she was trying to tell me that there's no difference between Mary and Mike and that I was treating them both differently. I can kind of see where Naomi's coming from but as far as I am concerned Mary's behaviour concerns me a lot more than Mike's.