Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 313: Wednesday 5th July 2017 20:37

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Day 313
Wednesday 5th July 2017 20:37

I've spent most of the day keeping Dump and Mike apart from each other. 

I'm currently writing my diary looking out to sea, surrounded by ocean. It's actually quite peaceful and I feel rather safe. Mike's been giving Dump angry stares and disapproving looks all day. I told him to stop. There's been moments when you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

I told Mike about Seth and City One. "So is the plan that we get to the holiday park and then head to City One?" asked Mike. "We can only do that if they're still at Dumpville," said Dump interrupting by us, "If they're not there, God knows what we'll do." "Let's just worry about getting back," I said. "I just hope my Dumpville hasn't been overrun or neglected," said Dump. Mike gave a slight laugh. "Something funny?" asked Dump. "Dumpville?" said Mike, "Are you for real? I mean how egotistical and full of yourself can you be? Why didn't you just call it King Ronald's Wonderful Land of Magic and Miracles? Tosser." "And what is your experience of successfully running a small community?" asked a patronising Dump. "Ha," laughed Mike, "Successfully? You've got to be joking. After what Luke's told me it doesn't sound like you've done anything successful, apart from resembling a mahogany sideboard." "Well when the opinion of a deranged, deluded, discarded dunce is of use to me, I'll let you know," said Dump. I expected Mike to get violent with Dump but he hung his head and appeared sad. It was like he was upset at Dump calling him names. "Leave him alone," I said to Dump. "I apologise," he said with a sarcastic tone, "I forgot he was your pet." I looked at Dump and frowned. I then saw a self-righteous smile appear on Mike's face. "I wonder how my brother TJ is getting on shagging your wife?" he said with a large menacing grin, "I heard she shagged Hilary too. I mean you've got to wonder what sort of husband she's married to if she'd prefer to shag a d*ckhead like my brother and a sadist like Hilary. Mind you, if I was married to someone who looked like a rotting pumpkin, I think I'd rather have a wank with sandpaper." "Shut up," said Dump. "What's up?" asked Mike with a smirk, "Can't you get it up? Is that why your wife went looking for a f*ck elsewhere?" Dump stormed off. "Mike, don't wind him up," I said, "You don't know him like I do. He's a master manipulator who plays mind games." "Well I can play mind games too," said Mike. "I think you just need to focusing on resting," I said, "You don't like him and he doesn't like you so just avoid each other." "We're on a boat," Mike bluntly said. "I know but just try," I said.

I've spent most of the day trying to keep Dump and Mike apart from each other. It's been hard work but I managed it. The last thing I need is Mike losing it with Dump or Dump doing something sky. I thought Dump storming off like he did was interesting. It was like Mike touched a nerve. Dump says we should be back in England in a couple of days.