Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 271: Wednesday 24th May 2017 21:36

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Day 271
Wednesday 24th May 2017 21:36

I spent the day doing a bit more canvassing, and I was also told something by Esther that made me feel really angry.

I saw Lindon today. It was the first time I'd seen him in a while. "You going to vote for me, Lindon?" I asked. He raised his head, gave me a weird and nervous look then returned to eating his bag of prawn cocktail crisps. I rolled my eyes, feeling slightly dismayed that I was even considering trying to have a conversation with him. I walked over to him and smiled. "Are you going to be voting for anyone?" I asked. Lindon shrugged. "I didn't see you at the Q&A debate," I said, "Do you know anything that happened? What was said?" "I heard that you sh*t yourself," said Lindon with a gormless tone. "Yeah, forget about that," I said, "Do you know who else apart from me is running for leader?" Again, Lindon shrugged. "Come on Lindon," I said, "You've got to show an interest. It's important you vote. You don't want Dump or Esther to be in charge do you?" "Do YOU want to be in charge?" asked Lindon. "Yeah, that's why I'm standing," I said, "And I want you and everyone else to vote for me. What do you say?" Once again, Lindon shrugged. "For God's sake Lindon," I said, "What do I have to do to get a conversation out of you? Come on, there must be something you want. Do you want to do some different work?" "I want to work in a morgue," said Lindon. My face dropped. I wasn't sure exactly what to say to this. Lindon obviously wanted to work in a morgue so he could shag all the dead bodies. Dirty weirdo. "We don't have a morgue," I said. "If I can work in a morgue I'll vote for you," said Lindon. It went against my better judgement and I still can't believe I did it but I agreed to let Lindon work in a morgue if he voted for me. I don't think it's THAT bad. Any dead bodies will probably be infected and even Lindon doesn't want to shag them and even if he does shag a corpse, I know it's creepy, but if they're dead they're not going to know about it. "Will you help me make sure we all stay together too?" asked Lindon. I frowned, intrigued. "What do you mean?" I asked. "We all need to stay together," said Lindon. "Look, Lindon," I said, "I know you were on your own for a long time out there but you don't need to worry. No one's going to leave you." "We've got to stay together," said Lindon. "Well if you vote for me," I said, "I promise I'll do my best to keep us all together." I think that's another vote I've secured.

Later on I was doing a bit more canvassing when Esther stormed up to me. She looked very angry. What have I done now? I thought to myself. It turned out she wasn't angry at me, she was angry with Dump. "He's stolen our ideas," she snapped. "What?" I asked, "What are you on about?" "Dump!" exclaimed Esther, "He's taken our ideas – the things we talked about on stage the other day –  and he's going to use them in his next speech and say he came up with them first!"  "What?!" I replied in outrage, "How did you find out about all of this?" "I've just seen DeShawn," said Esther, "He was cleaning Dump's house and overheard him rehearsing his next speech. It's full of the ideas me and you came up with." "The two faced thieving b*stard," I vented, "That man is unbelievable. What are we going to do?" "We're going to show him up at the next Q&A debate," said Esther, "We'll show everyone what a cheating underhanded weasel he really is!" I haven't seen Esther that angry in such a long time but I didn't blame her. Dump is behaving like a corrupt dictator and he needs bringing down. Esther and I spoke a bit more about what we'd say at the next Q&A session and we agreed to publicly accuse him of stealing our ideas in front of everyone at the next debate.

I hope this idea doesn't backfire....