Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 356: Thursday 17th August 2017 23:23

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Day 356
Thursday 17th August 2017 23:23

What a tense and action packed day. There's been an unsuspected but useful death and we're now out of the sauna – FINALLY!

The day started with me and the gay guys sat in the communal area talking about the fireworks Matt had found. "There's this little hatch in the main entrance," said Matt, "If we shoot the fireworks through the hatch then all of the infected will be drawn towards the noise and the bright lights." "Yeah but then what?" I said, "We can't all run outside without a place of safety to go to or a car to get in." I heard a jingling noise, looked to my right and saw Panda with a bunch of car keys in his hand. "These are to my jeep," he said. "You've got a jeep?" I said, "Why didn't you tell us before?" "Well it didn't matter did it?" said Matt, "A few of us have got cars but they're all over the road in the multi-story car park. We couldn't just walk outside with all the infected about could we?" "OK, so let's think about this," I said, "We let the fireworks off, wait for the infected to be distracted and then we all run to the car park and drive out of here." "Well not all of us," said Matt, "We're going to stay here." "What do you mean?" I said, "You can't stay here." "Nanna, it's safe in here," said Matt, "The infected haven't gotten in here once. Why would we go outside?" "Because you can't live like this," I said, "This is awful." "Twenty four hour c*ck action, it doesn't seem that bad to me," said Matt, "If I'm going to die, I'd rather die down here shagging, than out there running for my life." "So what exactly are you proposing?" I asked. "Well if you guys can go out there and bring back some food and water for us we'd be really grateful," said Matt, "And if you find Daz we'd be even more grateful. Then you can go and look for your friends." "I need to speak to the others," I said. Panda gave me the keys to his jeep, winked at me and told me to look after his car.

I left the guys in the communal area and went to look for the others to see what their views were on what Matt had said. Courtney approached me and told me she'd told TJ that I'd told Panda that TJ was my boyfriend. "What!?" I exclaimed, "What have you said that for? He's already p*ssed off with me and now you've gone and made things worse." "Look, I know he's a bit of as knob," said Courtney, "But he's got a right to know that you're going round telling people he's your boyfriend. You should have just told Panda to back off." "And you should have kept your mouth shut," I snapped, "This is none of your business." "Well maybe you shouldn't have told me," said Courtney. "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't," I said, "Next time I won't tell you anything blabbermouth. Does Mike know?" "Not as far as I'm aware," said Courtney. Mike suddenly appeared. "What don't I know?" he asked. I stuttered over my words and eventually came out with a coherent sentence. "Fireworks," I said, "Matt's found some fireworks and we've been talking about letting them off through the hatch in the main door, distracting the infected and getting out of here." "Well that's stupid," said Courtney, "Where are we going to run to?" "Over the road to the back of the multi-storey car park," I said, "Panda's got a big jeep there. He's given me the keys." "I bet he'd like to give you a lot more," giggled Courtney. "What's she on about?" asked Mike. "Nothing," I said, "Ignore her. She's just been a stupid kid." "Well I'm up for it," said Mike, "I want to get out of here and get back to those little nephews of mine." "I've had enough of this place too," said Courtney. "Matt wants us to bring back some food though," I said. "You what?" said Courtney, "We're going to leave here and then come back just to make sure these homos have got something to eat." "They've helped us out," I said, "And we did kill their mate remember. The least we can do is bring them back a bit of food." "Err . . . correction;" said Courtney, "You and TJ killed their mate. It had nowt to do with me." "Don't start being a stroppy madam," I said, "We're bringing them back some food and that's that. If you don't like it, it's tough."

I walked back towards the communal area where Matt and the others were sat. I saw TJ looking over at me from near the reception desk. He was giving me a very smug look, as if he was overly happy with himself and about to start winding me up. What's he playing at, I asked myself. As I walked over to TJ he walked across to me and we met in the middle of the communal area. All of a sudden TJ slapped me hard across the face causing me to lose my balance for a moment. "You b*stard!" he shouted. Matt and the others looked on with intrigue. "What the f*ck was that for!?" I exclaimed. TJ leaned in towards me with a mischievous look on his face. "This is called getting your own back," he whispered with a naughty grin. TJ took a step back and then slapped me hard again, this time on the other cheek. "You cheating two timing scumbag!" snapped TJ, "I came out of the closet for you. I went from being straight to gay for you. I gave you my heart – I gave you my all, and then I find out you've been cheating on me with him!" TJ pointed over at Panda who was sat next to Matt. "What the f*ck are you talking about!?" I loudly snapped. "I saw you," said TJ, pointing at Panda, "In the steam room with him, wearing nothing but a towel. Rubbing yourself up against each other b*llock to b*llock. You said you loved me." "Shut up you idiot," I snapped, "Nothing happened with me and Panda. Panda tell him. Tell him nothing went on." "I'm not blind," snapped TJ continuing with the charade, "You were all over each other like psoriasis. I was never enough for you was I? My Mum warned me off you. I should have listened to her. It's because you like it hard and deep and rough isn't it? I'm too much of a gentle flower for you aren't I?" "Nothing happened!" I loudly exclaimed, "Panda will you bl**dy tell him." "I don't want to hear anymore," snapped TJ, "If I am not good enough for you, then you can f*ck off. That's right. You're dumped! Consider yourself chucked. Panda – if you want him, you can have him. He's all yours." A big smile appeared on Panda's face. I was worried now. This meant I had no excuse to quash Panda's sexual advances. "TJ," I said, giving TJ a direct and determined look and trying to get through to him, "I'm sorry if I've said or done anything to p*ss you off but you can't dump me." "I just have," said TJ, "It's over. Panda can have you. I hope you enjoy all your hard, rough sex, and I'm sorry I wasn't good enough." "You ARE good enough." I said, "Really you are, and I'm REALLY, REALLY sorry. Please don't dump me TJ. PLEEEEEASE." "Well," said TJ, revelling in every moment, "Let me think. Why don't you tell me why I shouldn't dump you and how much you do love me? Tell me how amazing I am." I frowned at TJ and gave him an angry look which he responded to with a smug grin. He knew what he was doing, the b*stard. "Fine," I said through gritted teeth, "TJ, I love you and you are amazing. Please don't dump me." "I think you can do better than that," said TJ with a smirk. I turned round and saw Matt, Panda and the others looking on in fascination. "TJ," I said, "You are the love of my life and I really don't want you to dump me." "How much do you not want me to dump you?" TJ asked. "Loads," I said, "Come on TJ. What do you want me to do? Beg?" TJ looked at me and raised his eyebrows, signalling that I should beg. I rolled my eyes and felt annoyed. I got down on my knees, grasped my hands together and looked up at TJ who was looking down at me with a big smile on his face. "TJ," I said, "I am begging you. Please don't dump me." "I think you should tell me how amazing I am and how much you love me," said TJ. "I love you TJ," I said through gritted teeth. "Tell me how much," said TJ. "Loads," I said, starting to get very annoyed, "I'm deeply in love with you, I think you're amazing and I'm asking you, I'm begging you, please don't dump me." There was a short pause. "Eeeeeer, well," said TJ, "Let me think." There was a lingering silence as we all waited with anticipation for TJ's answer. A few more silent moments lingered until TJ spoke. "No," he said, "You're dumped Nanna. Panda, he's all yours. Happy shagging." TJ lowered his head and whispered in my ear "Enjoy getting your arse filled gay boy," he said with a smirk. TJ then walked over, leaving Panda looking at me with a loving smile. "You're like a living drama series, Nanna," said Matt.