Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

When Anger Rises

I can't believe I have been so blind! So backward! I definitely should've talk to Lexin so much earlier.

"Thank you," I sincerely smile. "I will change myself."

"Yup. I can't believe I get to see this genuine happy face before Nillin." Lexin sighs loudly, "Nillin sure is dumb."

The doors swing open before a hand knocks.

"Speak of the devil," Lexin mumbles, but I feel like he knew Nillin was outside my doors otherwise his voice wouldn't be extra harsh and loud.

Nillin strides pass Lexin and sits on the bed with me, "I was going to knock, but I heard I was dumb? What's this about?"

He looks to me for answers first but there is no way (in hell) am I going to speak first. I glance to Lexin who simply make an aloof face gesturing back at me.

I guess this is where I lean on Nillin and talk to him about my worries.

And so I move closer to Nillin placing my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around his muscular body.

Come on Maeve. You can do this. Just tell him that you don't want him to be taken away.

"What have you done to my shy wife?" Nillin's tone is definitely directed toward Lexin, but it makes me feel as if I have done something wrong.

My heart pounds in embarrassment. I lift myself off of Nillin, but he simply places an arm around me.

I look up to see him finally looking back at me; and once more, I can see my green eyes on his blue ones.

More blood rushes everywhere causing a rise in my body temperature.

Nillin moves in and kisses my forehead, "Is your fever not gone yet? Your face is so red."

Nevermind. It's not a kiss to the forehead, he just want to feel my temperature. I'm expecting too much, huh?

What do I expect from a man whose heart already belong to someone else? Why am I feeling this way? I shouldn't expect anything from him, he has yet to tell me about the elves when he definitely saw my likeliness to the elf in the paintings all over the Boursic.

Maeve! It is this exact way of thinking that is creating distance between Nillin and you.

But if I choose Nillin, then it must mean that I care not for my heritage that Nillin erased; however, if I choose not Nillin, then that means I care not for the child inside me, right?

Is it right of me to see things this way? Or am I being unfair to Nillin?

My heart can't decide, but if Nillin is willing to hand this momentarily kindnesses, then I'll accept them without questions.

I fasten my arms around his body, "I don't know if it's gone yet, but I'm glad to know you're worried about me."

Then I feel a sudden push from the inside of my stomach, "The baby just kicked me."

Nillin places a hand on top of my stomach with a soft look on his face; whereas Lexin smirks, "Then I shall lea-"

"No."

A shift in atmosphere reveals itself from the prior calming mood. The warmth from before is melt away with the wind screaming out the coming storm.

My skin is now covered by goosebumps like how it would on a rainy day. Something I've been avoiding is going to surface.

"Lexin, you are my best friend," Nillin still holds onto me. "And you will always be."

"What do you 'really' want?" Lexin is also stiff and pale like he can also forebody this 'something' slowly surfacing.

And yet we go along with it, because sooner or later it will surface.

"Do you love me?"

My heart drops not because of what the words imply but of how the words can imply.

It has become so quiet, I hear Lexin swallow before I even consider answering instead.

"Nillin, shouldn't you be asking me that instead?" I did it. I will steer this conversation elsewhere.

"I know what you're planning and I won't let you," Lexin firmly proclaims. "Miss Xielle is no longer part of this world. It's better for you to move on than fantasizing about what you can take from the past."

Oh come on! Fuck you both!

"How am I fantasizing about what I can take from the past if she is still here! Without her, there is no point in me fulfilling my destiny or pretending that I will die with a content life."

I fasten my heart keeping my anger in check.

"Then do you want me to abandon my short life so that you can be with her in your also short lifespan?" Lexin grips his hands in frustration, "Sorry, but if this is how you define friendship and platonic love, then... We are no longer friends or accomplices."

Lexin stands and walks to the door, "However, I will give you until the time we all leave to change yourself because I 'love' the Nillin that I know is still inside of you."

Nillin is about to follow Lexin but I grab his wrist and pull him back. He tears my grip, but when he reaches the doors, he returns to sit on the bed with me.

"I'm sorry. My actions must've hurt you a lot, but this is who I am," Nillin gently wipes my tears of frustration.

His actions are all so confusing that really make me angry. He may care about me, but his heart is with Xielle. He said himself that he has a destiny to fulfill and yet also a content life to live.

But why can't he see that everyone sacrifice somethings to even have the Will to take in another breath or take the next step forward.

Nillin leans in to kiss my lips, "We're stuck together because of politics. We know you're not the one I want and I'm sure I'm not the one you want."

Who ever said you're not the one I want? You're my rich boy for fuck sake! I'm just the one you don't want because I don't carry the personifications of beauty...

"Maeve, you're a very sweet and smart person," he hugs me tightly. "I'm not asking for permission, but forgive me because a divorce won't stop me from loving my girl, Miss Xielle. You get me right? You're a man too."

"Are you implying that sex with a man isn't good?" I suck my bottom lips as I hold back my anger. "Because Lexin's body is of a man too."

"No. Just you." Nillin squeezes me even tighter and I couldn't raise a hand against him. "Listen to me. What I meant is the desire to protect the one I couldn't before due to my own weaknesses."

"Then it's everyone," I try pushing him away. "Even a little 'girl' know that desire."