Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

The Letter

All day, I think about Nillin, and then that night as I lie on my bed, I decide to send Nillin a message asking what he would like for me to do next.

Should I send him a simple letter? Encode it?

Do I want anyone else to know what I'm corresponding? If so, will Nillin be able to decode it?

So many questions floating around my head and instead of being answered, each floating question splits off to form two more questions and so on.

I reach over to Asahi and Arabret to feel if they have kicked their cover.

Luckily, Arabret is sound asleep, and Asahi is not so much.

Asahi wakes up and grabs my hand instantly, so I pick him up after I sit up against my flat pillow.

I push the window slightly open to let some light in.

When he sees me, he begins to gurgle and laugh trying to communicate his joy.

"Sh. You're too loud," I whisper with a smile. "We're not alone anymore. There are people sleeping."

His brows come together and I just know he's going to cry.

"No. No. Please don't cry," I lay his body flat against mine and slowly rub his back.

He is a little wimpy but at least Arabret isn't waking up.

"Do you think your father believe we can make it back? Or he is using this as an excuse to get rid of us?" I whisper to Asahi slowly. "But then why would he beg us to stay? Maybe we shouldn't return since we might just get kidnap again."

Asahi must hates how I always reflecting to him since it bored him to sleep.

I return him beside Arabret and I go to sleep myself.

It is not until I can feel the strong rays of light creeping through the wedge of the window that I am awake.

I push the casement window open letting some light in.

The sun is quite high and the sky is very blue... I overslept.

I turn to the side crib of the bed where Arabret and Asahi aren't found.

I rush out of the room and down the stairs to see Grandmama plays with the children.

"Is something wrong?" She asks me with her brows low above her eyes.

"No," I shake my head. "I'll start making breakfast."

I wash my face and rub salt on my teeth before gurgling some water in the washroom.

I grab the waste bucket before exiting the cottage and leaving it near my crops where I'll tend to later.

By the well, I carry some water back in the house and take the other waste bucket (I have two) into the washroom.

Once breakfast is made and we eat together in the living space, Grandmama looks at me and says, "Don't push yourself so hard. You're overworking yourself day in and day out."

I look at her confused, but nod with a smile on my face.

"So have you thought about returning?" She further asks me.

"Yes," I offer Arabret another bread bun. "I don't think Asahi and I should return yet b—"

"What is it this time?"

"Nillin has so many enemies around his inner circle, even if we return, someone else will try to take us away."

"And you don't think you should be the person he can trust the most in his inner circle?"

"Well," I begin after swallowing a piece of food. "I don't know if I'm a support or a burden, but he doesn't make it obvious or simply tell me. It's... It's complicated."

"I think you're just being dramatic," Grandmama stops eating altogether. "You should know because you're his wife."

"Grandmama, please try to understand your grandson and I don't know or see each other at all," I try to convey but it seems hopeless.

She pouts and carries Asahi back upstairs, and perhaps the room she slept in.

Arabret sighs sadly, "I think you should go back as well."

"You think so too?" I ask jokingly trying to cheer him up from the useless adult talk.

He nods his head and places his bread piece back with the rest.

"I didn't get to know my father as I'm growing up," Arabret looks at me with teary eyes. "Asahi is very small and he still get the chance to grow up with a father, I think you should give him that chance."

I pull the toddler into my arms, "I'm sorry. The problem with trying to live like a normal family is that your life has to be normal to begin with. It seems fate doesn't like us being normal."

"I would give anything to be with both my mother and father," his small voice cracks.

"I would too and especially right about now," I sigh.

"Then why wouldn't you do that for Asahi?"

"Because I don't know if his father would want us to return," I answer the boy.

"Why wouldn't he?"

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know. He said he loves me but just a few day before he said so... He called my son a bastard's son and killed my brother."

"Oh. Do you hate him then?"

"I don't know if I do—"

"Why don't you know?" Arabret pushes me away. "You're an adult. You should know."

My mouth opens about to say something but I smile, "Give me a day to think about it okay? I'll try to be a better adult. Thank you, Arabret."

"Okay," he squeaks. "Let me help you with tidying the dishes."

It is after lunch that Grandmama asks me, "What happened to your hair?"

I look up from my embroidery work and touch the ends of my hair, "I sold it. Is it a bad omen?"

"No?" She goes quiet for a while and then asks, "How much do you think I can get for my hair?"

"Oh. It's okay Grandmama. I can provide for us," I offer.

"I want to buy some books and tea with honey," she eyes my work. "I'm no longer the best in the nation so I might as well sell my hair for something."

"I'll buy them for you."

"No. It's not the same," she shakes her head. "I've burdened you enough by being here. I can't have you spending for my luxury."

"But I want to," I smile. "May I do that for you?"

She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily, and to Asahi, "Your mother is beautiful inside and out."

Blood rushes to my cheeks and my heart feels warm like it is where it is supposed to be.

"I want to see the town too!" Arabret grabs my arm. "Please?"

"Alright. How about we go right now?"

I gesture to Grandmama, "Would you like to come?"

She shakes her head.

After I put away my work and ready both Arabret and I, we leave for the town.

I talk with the bookstore keeper and he explains that as long as the book is kept in good condition, I can trade it for another in his bookstore.

We also stop by the express as I send a letter to Nillin telling him to not find us until he has the favor of our people.

Arabret isn't happy, so we send a different letter instead making sure Nillin knows I love him and I am Maeve, and among much more important matters.

We have a few more stops until we return to the cottage.