Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Let it be.

When I exit my room officially for the first time ever since Asahi was born, I am greeted by two rows of Lords' and Masters' representatives.

Their faces are stoic as they place their hope onto Lesly and I. This makes my heart shrink.

It hurts knowing that I'm not good enough for them and that's why we're in this situation, and yet they still believe in me.

I don't know what I will do to myself if I fail to meet their expectations.

As I walk pass by them leading the group to our battlefield, my stomach twists and turns.

I can't be a hero because I'm not one. I strive for greatness and yet I seek modesty.

Each step is getting harder to take. Breathing also becomes nearly impossible.

Then the last task toward redemption presents itself to me as a push on the doors of Xielle's chamber.

Doubt further temps me:

What if Nillin doesn't accept the compromise?

What if he threatens to explode every city that oppose him that is the synonymous with the Lords and Masters?

What if he kill grandma, father, mother, or my entire adopted family?

What if he also kills Sihipe?

What if he decides to kill Asahi?

Lesly goes around me and pushes the doors open. She walks inside and announces, "I am here to represent myself and everyone else in this Kingdom!"

Carcyne pushes me inside too.

I see a sight I wish I haven't. It's completely normal: Nillin sits on a chair looking through papers and Lexin is asleep on the bed chained up.

Nillin gets up once he finishes what's at hand for him to welcome Lesly and I into his room.

I insist that Carcyne leaves Asahi to me before she and the other representatives wait outside.

Nillin himself offers us seats before seating himself before us, "Although I can guess what this is about, please entertain me."

"With all due respect Your Highness," Lesly begins without a hint of fear in her voice, while I can't even lift my head to see what Nillin is wearing.

"Your words are laws at times, but there is a limit to how selfish you can be," her fists clench on her laps. "Return my brother to me, and return Commander Trieu to Prince Maeve. We will also like for you to 'really' focus on your soon to be duties."

"Or?"

"Asandria and other cities shall declare independence," Lesly's tone is powerful like a true leader of the people. "Your Highness has strayed from what we expected when we joined your revolution."

Lesly looks my way to tell me to add something to the table but I just can't.

It's not that I want to comply to the ground rules Nillin and I forge, but I fear for my family.

She places a hand on my shoulder, "Prince Maeve will also take the rest of Dawerilium metals, which he owns, and returns to his adopted parents with Prince Asahi."

"Maeve, is what Lady Lesly said is true?" Nillin sounds calm and composed, "Are you leaving me?"

My whole body tenses up.

I'm so stupid. Why am I here when I'm not resolved? My presence is weakening Lesly's argument rather than strengthening it.

Do something Maeve! Think about your family! Think about Trieu...

His words ring in my ears once again.

'Nothing. That was my choice. Yours is to hold out as long as you can; and when you can no longer, return to father and mother. It's for you to decide because it's not really about my death, but your marriage that is causing you the most pain.'

"If I must, I shall," I answer Nillin at last. "Even if it means Asahi will have to grow up without a father like us."

"Are you making it my fault that my son will relive my childhood?" Nillin doesn't sound hurt, rather he wants me to feel guilty.

"No. It will be 'my' fault entirely. I couldn't be the giving tree, I'm sorry, Nillin. This is as far as I'll walk with you, unless..." A knot form in my throat stopping my message.

Don't cry Maeve. Especially not here.

"Unless I do as you addressed?" Nillin finishes for me instead.

We sit in silence for a while waiting for Nillin's answer.

"Will you two listen to why I can't agree to your address," Nillin stops to let us breathe.

I nod and Lesly follows my example.

"Miss Xielle loves me for who I am, need not handsome nor powerful. However, her soul is now inside Master Lexin's body," he tightens his loose morning hair.

"Whether you two accepts what I'm about to say next or not, you'll know it in your hearts it's true:"

"Lady Lesly, remember how you treated Maeve after learning his is my wife? You couldn't accept my wife who you don't agree with. You needn't like him, just accept that he is my wife, the other half of me in accordance to the law."

He is using what I said about 'trust' against Lesly. Does he not have an idea of his own?

"Maeve, you are my wife in the eyes of the law—my equal, but you only see the crown on my head. You fear me without a challenge even when I repeatedly treated you like my equal. I gave you impossible requests and yet you met them all because you fear me."

Do you truly see us as equal?

"In this lifetime, I want a companion who doesn't treat me more or less than who I am. That comes in the form of Miss Xielle."

"And to live in a life where I don't belong by giving her up a second time? I can't do that even if I 'must' let go of my closest friend or my spouse."

"What about your child? Your flesh and blood?" I ask him because his argument is terrible, but I'm to shakened by emotions to pick out the flaws.

Before Nillin can answer me, I already burst into tears.

I try to hold in my voice, but beside me lies a louder cry. Lesly brawls like a child.

In which the child in my arms also cries in empathy.

"Is he really my son?" Nillin says with a straight face and I just can't believe my ears.

"I—I'm sorry?" I try to catch my breath, "Are you asking if the child I carried and gave birth to, yours? Or are you trying to make me hate you and therefore leave you?"

I turn Asahi toward Nillin's, "Silver hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. This child looks more like you than me. It's more relevant to question my motherhood than your fatherhood!"

"He can be my uncle's, or his son's," Nillin continues his bluntness.

"This is not a curse, but there will come a time when my Lord wishes he had never said those words to the man who is carrying his second child in the man's womb." I gather myself with Asahi and leave every love I ever had for Nillin behind me.

I don't know if I am pregnant, but if I will, then it can't be anyone else's but his.

Carcyne follows me ever so laborful.

Once we reach my room, I go through all my things and tell Carcyne, "We're leaving. Get the rest of our things while I'm going to bail Trieu out."

She is lost but comply. I almost leave Asahi in her care, but recall that she's not very good with multiple tasks.

I needn't go to the dungeons, I know where Trieu is. He is in the square of the fortress.

Although it is still morning, and therefore not executing time yet, when I get there with Asahi, Nillin is also there.

Nillin holds a bloody sword in one hand, and in the other, the head of a Zummarian Dragon Prince.