Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Ground Rules

Once I'm inside my tent again, I go to the other side of the screen dividers where Nillin is still sleeping.

I place a hand on his forehead to only notice that his temperature is pretty high but not severely.

"Come on. Why are you like this in time of crisis for me?" I whisper. Then I call, "Caria, please bring in some food for Prince Nillin and I. Carcyne, please bring in a bowl, a towel, and a jug of water for me."

Carcyne's items come in first, so I pour water from the jug into the bowl. Then dip and squeeze the water from the towel.

I wipe Nillin's face and his eyes slowly open. His expression is weak and tired.

"Just rest. I'll tell Caria to inform Fagolan and Trieu that we shall stay here until you're a little better," I try to be gentle with my words but I can't seem to smile.

I loosen his clothing and re-dip and re-squeeze the towel before wiping the rest of his body parts.

Nillin snatches the towel away, "If you're dissatisfied by your job description, just stop. I'll have someone else does it in your stead."

"I don't mind," I snatch the towel back. "I know what my job is. I chose it."

"Then don't show that attitude," Nillin retorts. "How am I supposed to get better if MY wife takes care of me with a frown?"

"Oh poor you," I make a sarcastic sorrowful sound. Then with a smile, "Please get well soon alright?"

He rolls his eyes and turns his face away from me.

We continue our silence until I finish wiping him and Caria brings in our food. I instruct her to inform Fagolan and Trieu of Nillin's poor health and so forth.

Nillin sits up on the bed as I feed him a spoon and then myself a spoon. This happens for quite a while until he starts, "I'm not hungry. Just eat the rest for yourself and the child."

"But I want you to eat so that you can get better sooner," I pout sarcastically and he isn't too happy but chooses to ignore me.

I sigh a little because I still need to ask Nillin about Lexin.

Maybe the attitude I'm giving him won't do me any good.

"I am sorry," I apologetically heave. "I know that I have not been on my best behavior and I am disgusted with myself."

Nillin finally looks my way a little.

"However, all of this is not my fault and I can only hope that you also take responsibility in our relationship even if it is simply political," I fidget my fingers because it's nerve racking being truthful.

It's hard being honest and treat him like an equal when I'm not even treated like one.

"OUR child will be born soon," I persist, "Even if it's just fabricated, I want our child to be surrounded by family. Therefore, please forgive me and let us try not to..."

"I understand." He nods with a loud gesture with bones popping. "I think it will also be good to lay down the ground rules."

Ground rules? What he is planning?

"We will take turn naming things we want and don't want to see in this relationship and also the consequences for whoever breaks it." His rosy cheeks are returning to their normal pale color.

I nod in agreement and for Nillin to start.

But he gestures for me instead. This makes me a little hopeful that these 'ground rules' might just be what I needed.

However, I will leave the part where I don't him to... have other people-I don't know. Am I expecting too much?

Why do I just know that he will reject it?

It hurts just thinking about it. I feel like I'm losing the will to live because what is the point in this marriage if he will always have someone else?

After choosing to marry Nillin so that the Zummarians won't be like the Enzumin, this marriage is my last stand in life.

"I want us to have meals together," I begin. "And as often as it is convenient for you."

Nillin smiles in relief as if something weighing down on his chest has levitated away.

So he was thinking the same thing. He doesn't want me to bring up his other love lives.

"I can do that." Nillin reaches for my hands and rubs his thumbs against my wrists. "Now, I want you to be sweet like this and waiting for me."

I force myself to grin sweetly, "Yes, my Lord."

He kisses my hands, "Thank you, Maeve."

This doesn't feel right, and yet I can't bring myself to purposely identify it.

Nillin gestures for me to lay down the next ground rule.

"I am terrified of childbirths, so can we not have many children?" I lied on the second half.

He chuckles and pulls me onto the bed with him. He leans down and kisses my swollen stomach.

"This one is enough for me regardless of gender." And his arms wrap around me and I can't help be see this glimmer of hope lingering in the air.

I refuse to interrupt this anymore than exactly the words in which Nillin agrees with my lie.

"Then it's my turn again," Nillin speaks. "I want you to alway stay by my side even when I may seem out of my mind."

"Yes, my Lord." Again, I'm trying not to read into his intentions.

"I mean it, Maeve," he cups my face and looks deeply into my soul. "I want 'you' to always stay by my side."

"Yes!" I smile as I answer him although a part of myself has died. "Yes! Yes! Yes! I will stay by my Lord's side always."

"You will?" I nod. He continues with, "Don't go back on your words, alright?"

I nod once more for his assurance sake.

"And your next one?"

"I don't have anymore," I answer him. "The way we are now is good enough for me."

Nillin moves in to kiss my lips, "I was right. These lips are especially sweet today."

His actions make me lose focus and sit still but my heart beats like raindrops in a rainstorm.

"But I think I better taste it again," he kisses me again and again and again. "Hmmm... I want them to be sweet like this forever."

"For my Lord, they will always be sweet," I mumble quietly in my short breaths.

Life is short. I will forgive and forget everything else.

This is the temporary love I am given and I will treasure it. I know there will be others behind my back, but as long as he returns to me like this then I shall be the giving tree.

Nevertheless, the question of where is Lexin lingers at the back of my mind haunting me.