Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Cowardice

His hands caress my shape and his smell engulfs my being.

My lust holds on to the sleeve of my garment, always pulling back into this state.

"You shouldn't," I whisper remembering my dream. "I shouldn't. We shouldn't."

Yet he ignores me, and as his large hands brush against me, my clothes come off like ripples on water's surface.

Now our warmth is touching one another like a fire continuing to grow, and I can no longer remember his face.

I hook my arms around his neck and pull him in closer.

"We shouldn't," I repeat it again, not entirely believing in my own words.

"Why not?" His breathless voice murmurs above my skin.

The touches of his lips against my skin can melt my ice kingdom.

"Every drop of energy you're wasting on me now can be put to better use of your pleasure with the person you love."

Nillin bites my neck fiercely like a child throwing a broken toy away, but it only fuels my lust.

What is wrong with me?

Without preparation like usual, he enters my sacred chamber—ew. That sounds disgusting.

"Don't tell me she wouldn't give it to you unless you make her fertile," I cruelly add to his anger. "You must be pent up for the past few days."

"Shut up!" His curse silents my tongue and seals my lips.

I don't know why I made him angry when I know I shouldn't. My ego might have grown too big.

He does what he wants to until the very end. I simply enjoy what I can.

Nillin leaves just as abruptly as he entered, and for the first time, I want to wash his stench from my insides.

There is no way I'm allowing my fruit to be taken away by that tree again... Nillin is the persimmon tree.

I try to get up to go get a wash, but my legs give out on me. They just shakes with no energy.

It may be possible, and I'll admit, there is no joy or satisfaction in sex without love; because I am sure it is the reason he proclaimed before: I wasn't enough.

So why is he making me stay?

If life is about the journey and not the destination, then how much can the treasures at the end be worth if the journey is so awful?

I'll say it's not worth it at all.

And yet Nillin insists on this 'destiny' of his. At the moment, I can't possibly relate.

My life feels so clouded like a foggy day in the mountains. I can no longer see the hand in front of my face.

Before long, the sun rises again and bring a new day. The rays through the tracery reveal the plethora of dust.

I am not ready to face today, for it is the day my brother will be executed by my husband.

There has been knocks on the doors for a while now—it's what woke me up in the first place; and if it's Carcyne with Asahi, she should've just come in.

With a deep breath, I say, "Come in."

The footsteps are heavy and fast, very unlike Carcyne who will never be fast even if her life depends on it, maybe.

The person stops right beside my bed and says, "Stop being such a coward!"

I turn to see a disgustingly irked Lesly. Her figure is tall and elegant especially with her arms crossed.

"I'm sorry. What is this about?" I try to get out of bed.

"My brother sees you as his equal like Prince Nillin, I can not let you belittle his judgement," Lesly uncrossed her arms and places her hands on her hips with gusto.

I bite my bottom lip and avert my eyes, "I'm sorry to disappoint both you and your brother, Lady Lesly. I simply don't see a way to fix anything. I'm s—"

"Quit apologizing!" She grabs my collar and whispers angrily to me, "If you can't fix it yourself, ask for help!"

Lesly lets go of me and sighs loudly, "How is someone as powerful as you who is able to organize a revolution, becomes so annoyingly pitiful?"

I can't give her a reply because she's right, and I'm angry and yet happy that it's Lesly who is giving me this confrontation.

"What is it exactly that you want from me?" I ask after remembering that Fagolan and Lesly are an item.

"I want you to return my brother to me and also save your brother in the process," She rolls her eyes. "I may be a brat sometimes, but I know how much it hurts to have a sibling forcefully taken from."

"What about Commander Fagolan?"

"He can choose me, or die trying to oppose me," Lesly purses her lips to the side.

I can't help but smile. Her energy is as brilliant as Lexin's.

"So are you going to do something about our brothers?" Her brows rise forming a helping hand from above.

I give her a nod; although I haven't entirely found my resolve yet.

"Okay." She takes a step back with a fierce look on her face.

"Maids!" Lesly heaves, and they come in a line of seven or eight.

"Help him look a little more like his status," Lesly gestures toward me before sitting on the chair beside my bed like she's watching a play.

A few of the maids go to prepare a bath while the others undresses me and look for a custom.

This is the first time in my life where maids help me with everything in preparing myself.

Usually it's just Carcyne and sometime Caria since Griflet won't allow anyone else.

It might be because I'm a man and they're women, and Carcyne and Caria are the only females he doesn't consider a threat.

When I'm almost ready, Carcyne brings Asahi in looking very confused as to what is going on.

I quickly take the infant into my arms having missed him a whole night. His baby smell soothes my chaos—sometimes, he adds to it.

The maids finish me up and work toward Asahi as Lesly fills Carcyne in.

I see Carcyne nods her head along but her face says she's not fully convinced.

"I don't see how that's possible. It's morning," Carcyne notes.

Lesly slaps her forehead, "You're a mage aren't you? A night spell wouldn't be that hard to do."

Carcyne's eyes widen and her mouth comes together forming a tiny opening.

"Is that why you recruited Milord to get to me?" Carcyne is very quick-witted at the moment.

"Yes! You got a problem with that?"

"Nope. None," Carcyne smiles like something has lifted inside her. Probably the thought of being together with Lexin again.

I move over to them and comment, "If Lady Lesly's intention is to talk Miss Xielle into leaving Master Lexin's body, I don't believe it'll work."

"Well," Lesly smacks her lips, then a smirk. "We'll be giving the future King himself a compromise he can't negotiate."