Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

First Love

When I arrive in front of Lexin's chamber, I realize that one of the doors is slightly open.

I don't think this is right. Also, where are the guards? There are always guards for Xielle.

I gently pushes the door open without making a single sound. I prepare my heart before I enters.

Of course, I fear a possible enemy, but saving the body of my friend is much more important to me. I'm sure Lexin would do the same for me.

Inside, the room is dark and there are five screens dividing the bed and the doors.

"Who's there?" I hear Xielle's calm voice. Good. Nothing happened.

I turn to the right going around the dividers to confront Xielle.

"I said, 'Who's there?'"

"It's me," I turn to my left and see a silhouette of a tall man whose back is burn by the light from the hall. His hand reach back to tightly close the door. "I was told you asked for me?"

It's Nillin. What-Why is he here? Why didn't Trieu keep him company?

My heart drops and I find comfort against the corner behind me.

It's complete dark since the moonlight that comes through the window couldn't pierce through the dividers I hide behind.

Nillin begins to walk and I pray that he turns left. However, he turns right and he walks right past me.

What am I doing? I can't let them meet. Come on heart. Quit beating so fast. I can't let them talk to one another!

I clench my hands near my heart to cover up the loud beating to only realize my whole body is shaking.

Am I scared? Why? Is it because I don't want Nillin to know that 'I' don't want him to speak with Xielle?

But this is something I have to do. Come on body. Work with me.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Nillin faces the moonlight at the only window in the room. Xielle kneels against the bed in prayer.

Maeve! Are you going to let your husband be taken by his dead ex?

"Do you know what Miss Xielle is doing nowadays?" Xielle asks Nillin like how Lexin might've.

Nillin turns away from the moonlight, and with an angry voice, "You're not Lexin, so who are you!"

"I don't ask you about Miss Xielle? Well of course not," she chuckles to herself.

Come on! Go stop them!

"What's so funny?"

Xielle stops giggly to just give out a hysterical laughter.

"I miss you, Nillin. I miss you so much that it hurts right here," she grabs her chest. "Although this isn't my heart, it still hurts here. I am but now a soul trapped in the shell of another."

"Lexin, it's not funny alright," Nillin unties and redoes his ponytail. "We both know Miss Xielle left me to marry a wealthy Lord in the East. All women are selfish creatures."

"Is that what they tell you? Is that what Master Lexin told you?" Xielle begins to bewail and sob.

I know I should stop them, but I want to know if Nillin will believe her.

Nillin, can and will you still love her, a ghost in a shell? Or will you choose to move forward with me and our child?

"You're so mean Nillin. You trusted their words without ever searching for me. To ask me: Miss Xielle, what's your side of the story?" Xielle's sobbing isn't slowing down, and as a man myself, it pangs me to see a girl like this albeit through another man's body.

Nillin walks over to Xielle and sings, "You are the brightest star-"

"That leads me home," Xielle joins in with hope shimmering through her eyes. "That leads me home. The moment I found you, I turn to foam. You are the one I love and I can't even hide my secrets."

A small yet sincere smile appears on Nillin's face and Xielle begins chuckling adorably. He's making her hopeful again (and unintentionally tearing my heart apart).

"Thank you for teaching me this song for Miss Xielle, but don't use it against me, Lexin."

"You're so mean!" Xielle pouts and wipes her tears, "If you don't really care, then I'll leave tomorrow."

There is silence, but my heart rebuild itself warming my whole body. I'm glad this work out well.

"Is there anything we've done that you haven't told Master Lexin about?" Xielle's head rests on the bed staring at Nillin.

"If I tell you, then isn't it the same as me telling Lexin right now?" I feel like Nillin is staring straight at me, "Miss Xielle would know how to let me know that it's her."

Wait. Nillin, I just praised you in my heart. Don't step on my praises.

"Then you must know that there is no way I ran off to marry some rich dude when I gave you my first time. And Master Lexin wouldn't know that you love me whether or not I was the little girl you saved at Bethany's Hope."

"You're right. There is no way Miss Xielle would run off to marry some rich lord (because no lord marries pauper), and I'm pretty sure you knew that Miss Xielle wasn't that little girl. You were only being a good friend," Nillin crosses his arms.

"Why are you like this?" Xielle gets up with tears forming in her eyes and walks over to Nillin. "I miss you so much and when I finally get to be alone with you again... I love you so much that it breaks my heart to just... Nillin, I hope you know that I love y-"

Nillin cups her face and kisses her gently and deeply.

I stand in my corner watching in awe...

Did Nillin knew all along that it was Xielle? Was he only teasing her? Or does Nillin have this kind of relationship with Lexin too!

"Lexin knew I love you regardless."

Why is it like this? Why has it come to this? This can't be it because this is what Lexin feared.

And before I'm able to breathe again, it is Nillin who's on top of Lexin's body doing the kind of foreplay I didn't have the right to experience.

I dared Nillin and unintentionally made him choose between Xielle and my child and I.

This is all my fault. I overlook Nillin's affection toward his first love.