Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

How to Love

"Princess. Princess," I hear a faint calling.

The sun sure is blinding and yet it's so cold. I turn to my side and pull my knees closer to my chest.

"I finally found you, Princess." It's probably Aguano. Even though I told him to bathe often, I guess it's just how he is.

I try to get up, but my head is heavy and feels like it's about to explode. I must've have a fever.

"It's alright. I got you," Aguano lifts my body from the ground. My feet walk along as he drags me back to Boursic (that's the name of the castle) with my arm over his shoulder.

I manage to look up to see that Boursic is so far away. I don't recall walking that far from the castle.

Ugh. I hate having a fever. It's so cold.

People come to greet me in a haze. I hear voices of dispute over something so insignificant as me going missing.

"Stop it. I'm here ain't I?" My breaths are short due to the fever. "Arguing among ourselves at a time like this is what the enemies want. Have Prince Nillin chose a headquarter yet?"

"Y-yes. Yes, His Majesty have." Someone answers. I can't recognize the person but... I don't know.

"Then don't worry about me. Get things moving!"

The group before me disperse leaving only Aguano helping me stand upright and Sihipe, Caria, and Borscht.

Borscht walks up to his brother with a slap, "You're a Representative, not a 'servant' of Princess Maeve. Caria, please take the Princess back to his room."

"Didn't I just say to stop it?" I heave out a loud breath. "And who is my servant? I think all of you as my comrades!"

"Take Inajor to his room," Sihipe sounds. "This time, I'll order Bee, See, and Dee to guard Inajor. Sir Borscht, please find Lady Carcyne to see Inajor's health."

Caria already begins to take me away when I hear Sihipe asks, "And where is that son-in-law of mine when my son is like this?"

Come to think of it, where is Lexin as well?

When my body soundly rests on my bed, I lose consciousness again and it almost makes me believe the past night until right now is a dream.

A bad one at that.

What I fear most in the world is to be angry and what I want most is a big lovely family...

I know this now because of this road I chose a while back. I think one is not a grown as one think until one is married.

Yes. I truly think so.

But how does mother do it? She has twenty kids including me, and my father is so dense sometimes.

I guess she just endure. Right? Or is there magic used for having a 'good' family?

Damn. I need to wake up or these thoughts won't leave me.

"It's so hot! And I don't want to think about 'family' anymore," I turn my body over and I see someone sitting beside my bed.

"Good. I was starting to think you'll never get up." Oh, it's just Lexin.

Lexin? I get up instantly to see what face he is making.

His morning blond hair still falls on his shoulders and his morning blue eyes still smiles innocently.

He is awfully too normal.

"Have Nillin done anything to you?" I ask in panic.

Lexin's eyes widen in confusion, "I knew you failed to confront Xielle because I don't remember last night but to think you allowed them to talk."

"Last night?"

"Yes. You basically slept for a whole day," Lexin pouts. "Tell me. Why you asked me that question? What happened between Miss Xielle and Nillin?"

And so I tell Lexin what happened that night. At the end, I apologize a million times but I can't forgive myself.

Lexin tightens his fists as tears of anger form in his eyes with a frown on his face.

He takes a glance at me and his face softens a little. His head shakes, "Since he already refused to marry my sister, I will be leaving this Revolution and find another way to take Miss Xielle's soul out of my body."

At last. One of the things I fear has come fruition.

"Don't make that face," Lexin tells me. "You are enough for him. He couldn't touch Miss Xielle that night because he was smart enough to know that he can't lose you."

Am I going to lose this precious friend because my husband can't keep his pants up?

Lexin is a trusted friend because he doesn't see Nillin standing in front of me or my family behind me. He accepts my friendship because I am me. (Hopefully.)

Yet he sits there unable to comfort me because I'm a married man whether people see us or not.

"So you will be leaving 'me' then? When?"

He shakes his head, "You will be leaving for the headquarter with Nillin in the North in five days time while Lesly and I head South to Asandria."

"In five days?" I unconsciously take in a deep breath.

"What's wrong?"

"Since we don't have much time, I will like to discuss some things with you concerning Nillin," I pull the cover over my shoulders because suddenly it's cold again.

Lexin nods.

"What should we do if Nillin and Miss Xielle refuse to... You know?" I purse my lips making a nervous expression.

"But I'm lea-"

"I know. But what if we can't stop them before five days. In this sense, it is sort of a long time." Lexin's hands clap together and I continue, "Um. Sorry, never mind. Have you heard what happened with Nillin and Princess Cassiopeya?"

He looks around the room with a uncanny smile, "Yes. I have. Do you also fear that she might take 'your' husband away from you?"

I stay silent.

"If you truly don't like others trying to take your man away, tell them and Nillin."

"How can I?" I move my eyebrows together, "When he doesn't feel the same way toward me."

Lexin chuckles brilliantly, "I think you just need to show him this cute side of you. I'm sure he will fall for you."

Blood rushes to my cheeks, "How can you say that?"

But Lexin's words might be true. I have been so scared that Nillin might see me as useless that since our time at grandmother's place, I dare not show any weaknesses.

Although I fear most to be angry and lose my way, I also fear to be of no use to others.

It is not that I don't see my worth... It is just that even if I'm worth a lot but also useless, then I am nothing more than a hideaway gem. Like a trophy wife.

"I think it has been a while that you guys have been married (and have also gotten pregnant); so as a friend to you both, I want to remind you what a marriage is about. Don't treat Nillin like he is some god, he would appreciate it if you see him as your equal."

So it's my fault all this time? I thought I was trying to be a good "wife" by being submissive... Ugh, I'm so outdated.

Lexin continues, "Lean on him and talk to him about your worries and your joy. Nillin may not seem the type but he wants you to act on your jealousy sometime and he loves to cuddle. Reveal to him your affections and I'm sure he would turn your way."