Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Running Low

Early in the morning when the sun hasn't wake up, I wake unusually early but I'm full of energy.

I look over to my right where Asahi sounds asleep, then down to his feet where the stole is holding up an unlight oil lamp.

After lighting it, now its flame flickers and brings light into the room, I continue to lie on my bed and collect my thoughts.

My heart sinks as I reflect back to the tiny moments that Nillin and I understood each other.

My stomach churns as I recall our terrible sex life.

My body burns with sadness for the child we lost and for all of our people who starved and died because of us.

It's doesn't matter if we're dealt a good or bad hand, the responsibilities are still ours even if we're young.

Why can't we just—be good leaders?

If I can tell Nillin now, I'll say that he should trust the people who take responsibility!

So can he even trust himself?

Of course he can't trust me anymore... I ran away from 'my' responsibilities by not returning. I am not allowed to be by his side.

He chose the wrong person, and I regret that he chose me of all people.

My hand caress Asahi's visage, "But I don't regret giving birth to you because you're my precious baby, my entire world."

I pull closer to him and kiss his chubby cheek waking him up with a smile showing his bottom two teeth—the only teeth he has.

Asahi begins speaking to me in gibberish.

"I love you too," I whisper. "Asahi, I love you too."

He grabs my fingers with his tiny hands and talks more gibberish.

And I make baby sounds back waking up the elderly in the next room.

I place a finger on my lips but Asahi only laughs louder.

Then Grandmama gets out of her bed and goes downstairs.

"Ah Asahi," I sigh happily. "You woke Grandmama."

I pick up the child and smell his bottom, "You didn't poop, but let's change it still."

Asahi lies on the bed while I go to the drawer and take out a new diaper cloth.

I tease him with raspberry kisses to distract him from the process.

"What a good child," I declare. "You're officially my favorite."

"If you can have siblings, I want them all to be like you," I pick him up and we also head downstairs.

Grandmama has already boiled water for her tea when we comes out of the washroom after washing our faces and our mouths.

"Come join me," she says.

When we sit with her and she begins, "What a loud baby?"

"I'm sorry. I woke him up—"

"If possible, I would love to wake up to my great-grandson's laughter every morning," she smiles and sips her tea calmly.

"Isn't he already seven months?" Grandmama begins, "I have yet to see him crawl since you're always carrying him."

I want to say Adahi spends more time with his great-grandmother than he does with me, but I keep my mouth shut about it.

"He does crawl when we're in bed," I answer her.

"Sounds like a sexual joke to me," the old woman laughs hysterically.

Blood rushes to my cheeks, "I didn't mean it like that."

"Oh you didn't? Does my grandson also only crawl in bed?"

I want to slap myself.

"Give him here," she places her cup down and holds out her hands for the child.

"Grandmama, I have a question about the curse." I give Asahi to her and continue with, "If Asahi and I are gone, can a new wife bear a child?"

Her brows lower, "Are you planning to kill yourself and my great-grandson now that you know Nillin probably has another wife?"

"No. No," I shake my head. "I—I'll go make us breakfast."

I start off with baking the bread and realize we're low in flour. I check a few more things which are also low.

The hair falling on my shoulders are still too short to be sold again.

I'm almost done with the second embroidery work, so if I finish it up before noon, I can go into town and buy more necessities.

Or I should find some times to forage some in the small yet very dense woods behind my cottage.

I really need to learn how to forage and grow and preserve food before winter comes.

While the bread are baking, I go out in the yard and gather some eggs, pull out some potatoes, pick some greens and cherry tomatoes.

I boiled the potatoes with salt, slightly scald the greens, take out the bread to rest and use the remaining heat to char the tomatoes; then smash and fry the potatoes, cook silky omelettes fill with leftover mashed potatoes and decorate the plates.

We sit in the living room for breakfast.

Grandmama says, "Aren't you going to feed my child?"

"Yes," I answer and begin to breastfeed Asahi before touching my breakfast.

"When will we have meat in our dishes?" Grandmama complains.

"I'll kill a chicken for dinner," I answer her.

While breastfeeding Asahi, I begin to eat my breakfast as well. I learned to double task.

"Do you plan to wean Asahi soon?" Grandmama asks randomly.

"I'll wean him completely after he turns two years old, but I'll slowly transition after his upper teeth show," I offer a smile.

Then she makes a confused look, "Isn't it odd that your nipples are still so small even after breastfeeding Asahi for seven months?"

Now she's just asking me questions I don't know the answer to.

"But your breast certainly have grown in sizes," she further comments.

"Yeah. Nillin doesn't like them either," I joke around.

She thinks about it and then rolls her eyes, "And a woman breastfed him too."

I laugh at her comment. She certainly doesn't have a filter anymore.

I clean up after we eat and seriously work hard on the embroidery. I want to finish this soon.

However, Asahi decides he is more needy than usual today.

It is not until late in the afternoon when I actually finish with the embroidering.

I pack the finish product and whisper to Grandmama since Asahi is napping, "I'll be home to make supper."

"Be sure to be home soon. I don't know what I'll do if Asahi wakes up and you're not here."

I chuckle a little bit and say my goodbye before leaving for the town.