Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Hopelessness

It has been a few days since I talked with Trieu and I have been thinking about his words carefully.

I used to think a marriage is permanent and leaving one will scar me for life, but maybe I wasn't entirely right.

We all make mistakes, and it's my mistake thinking that Nillin wouldn't try to hurt my family if I'm married to him.

Clearly, nothing stops him in his tracks.

Enough of that, King Nir has surrendered his reign to Nillin after the secret war weapon was used-that is the metal Sihipe kept safe.

It is also the reason Nillin asked Cassiopeya for her alliance. She specializes in explosives, and with the special metal, she created an explosive so fierce it is only used once to display its power.

To realize this about her, makes me anxious.

I keep worrying about my family if I am to tick Nillin off once again. I most certainly can't bring up Xielle or Lexin.

Trieu's words are making more sense to me now.

"Milord, please stay focus," Carcyne warns me. "You'll regress back to pricking yourself."

I give her a nod and try to focus on the task at hand. I'm supposed to make Nillin something when he ascend the throne in a week-I'm not even close to the halfway point yet.

"Carcyne," I bite my bottom lip. "What do you feel about Prince Nillin and me?"

"In what way? Your sexual relationship? Your emotional stability? Your-"

"Yes. All of it," I interrupted her from further self hatred.

She sighs loudly, "Your relationship is toxic."

"I thought so," I drop the things I'm doing and go over to where Asahi is sleeping. "Should I leave? Run away? But what about Trieu?"

"And what about this child?" I poke Asahi's chubby cheek waking him up, "I don't want him to grow up like I did; but how will it be that different from it is now? His father has yet to pick him up and embrace him."

Carcyne stays silent as I continue to contemplate over the varied factors I'm putting into my decision: To leave or not to leave.

Then there's a knock at the doors.

But before Carcyne goes to answer it, the doors swing open by Nillin.

His brows knit as his eyes search for me. Once he does, he walks in and tears me away from Asahi.

"I have a request," his harsh attitude causes Asahi to cry loudly.

I pick the child up and comfort him, "Aw. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry for suddenly scaring you, my child."

Fortunately, Nillin waits for Asahi to stabilize before continuing with his request, "I would like for you to order Lady Carcyne to treat Xielle's infertility."

Time stops for a moment.

"I'm terribly sorry. If my L-His Majesty wouldn't mind repeating himself for me?" I swallow my saliva and feel it goes down my throat and esophagus then into my stomach.

My words seem to have irritated him, but he repeats himself, "I would like for you to order Lady Carcyne to treat Xielle's infertility."

What should I do? What should I do?

I can't piss him off or he'll probably murder my family with a gigantic explosion.

But I don't want to reply to him at all!