Ephemeral Affairs [MXM]

Weakness

"And stop squeezing me!" I barely holding onto myself with anger already leaking out. "Kill your child if you want, but I still have a life to live."

Nillin finally put a little distance before himself and I. His face makes it seem like he already forgotten I'm pregnant.

But I KNOW that I carry his blood inside of me every waking (and dreaming) second of my life!

He chuckles to himself as if he never seen me getting this angry. Which he hasn't.

"What funny is so?"

"What you said," Nillin boops my nose.

"And?"

"You can't kill our child. It's perhaps your one and only weakness?" He smiles warming.

What's wrong with this dude! Is this what they call a personality disorder? No. He's probably worst.

Nillin gets up, "Now that I know that, it means you probably won't divorce me either. It's not your nature, am I right?"

"Are you daring me to?" My brows knit together.

He walks away and his physical beauty still engulfs me, but he answers, "No. But I don't plan on letting you leave me that easily. You are my undesirable yet indispensable destiny, whereas Miss Xielle is my content life."

With that, he leaves. There are still things I want to normally discuss with him about. Like Cassiopeya and the Revolution.

However, my anger got the best of me and I chased him away.

I fall back onto the bed without the cover because it's hot again. My mind is thinking about the event from the previous night and just now; but I don't want to.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

Ugh! Should I ask Sihipe for help? Or perhaps Trieu? No. No. I can't. I need to learn how to deal and fix my personal problems or I will forever be... I don't want to admit it- useless.

The child kicks me again.

"Oh, hi there little guy," I rub my stomach. "You sure are lively today. Well, you were so quiet before ever only wanting me to eat camellias and not persimmons."

I realize how the child is taking my mind off of all things associate with Nillin. So I continue.

"Mommy wonders if you'll be a baby boy or girl." A deep breath relaxes my stiff shoulders. "Mommy hopes you're a girl so that your father will learn to know how your grandparents will if they knew how he's treating me."

"But if that's so, it'll hurt mommy's heart too much so. Then if you're a boy, mommy hopes that you'll never treat your wife albeit man or woman like how your father is treating me." I should be tearing up, but instead I'm giggle just imagining the future of my child.

I go to the small table in the room and grab the treats that were left for me, "Don't judge mommy, okay? Mommy is eating for you too."

"Isn't it funny how when mommy talks to you, mommy speaks in third person," I laugh by myself.

Have food ever taste so good!

Next to the treats is a jar of orange juice and a mug, and so you already know what's happening. I'm going to drink that heaven!

Only when I'm full do I realize how sticky my fingers are. Then further remember that I probably have not taken a bath.

I open one of the doors, "Caria? Carcyne? Anyone at all?"

"Yes, Milord?" Carcyne answers. I open the door for her to come in, but Caria also follows.

"What is it? Lord Maeve?" Caria smiles awkwardly.

They must be uneasy because I was 'lost' for a morning to just be sick all day. I smile hoping to ease their uncomfortableness, "I would like a bath and would like to ask if you both would please help me."

"Of course!" They blush charmingly.

As they begin boiling and pouring water, Carcyne comments, "I beg that Milord never leave our side again. I worry for Milord and the child's health and safety."

"I also worry Lord Maeve," Caria quickly adds. They are adorable.

"I can't say," I tease them and see if they know about Lexin's departure. "After all, Carcyne might leave with Master Lexin and Caria might leave to fight on the front line soon. It won't be me leaving you, but you will be leaving me."

They shake their heads. Caria says, "Even if Carcyne leave because Master Lexin is her lover, I will beg Prince Nillin to let me stay beside you."

"No! I won't leave. I promise my Queen so even if," Carcyne is hesitating to continue, but she somehow find the will to, "Even if I want to be with Master Lexin, I will stay by Milord's side."

Her words are so sincere that I can't help but feel my heart burns trying to mimic her loyalty.

They leave me and go to stand on the other side of the screens that divide us.

"Carcyne. Caria," I whisper just soft enough for them to hear as I slip into the tub. "Thank you for being so kind to me."

I have nothing that is of my own to give as gifts, so the only thing I can do is be genuinely graceful with my words and actions toward them. Although no words escape their lips, but I know they accept my unworthy gratitude.

For the next few days, I ignore Nillin while Lexin avoids me for reasons I do not know. I also don't want to know.

I spend my days talking to my child, Sihipe, Caria, and Carcyne (who no longer treats Lesly's infertility), and sometime with Trieu, Kay and Borscht always avoiding the topics of Nillin, Lexin, Lesly, Cassiopeya, and Xielle.

I don't attend any of the meetings with or without the representatives of Lords and Masters.

It's because I don't want to see or talk with Nillin until he has firmly pull himself out of the hole he dig with Xielle; but he acts oblivious toward it as if he doesn't know both Lexin and I disapprove of him asking us to sacrifice ourselves so he can be with Xielle.

The days go by quickly and the five days are a blink of an eye.