Turn It Up

Clear Your Head

The surprise party was a success for the most part. Pam was, well, surprised, and everyone seemed to have a damn good time. Pam on the other hand still knew there were some..not discussed issues still lingering on the surface with a few people, a few special people to her. Namely, Fergal, April, and Mercedes. They all had things going on in secret that they just didn't want to talk about, Fergal was the most frightening issue to be honest; mainly due to the fact that his issue directly both involved Pam and was caused by her. Pam began to grow somewhat sleepy, she walked over to Fergal and grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging on it lightly, "Babe, can we go? I'm really sleepy.." Pam had dark circles under her eyes, signifying her actual tired nature. Fergal smiled lightly over at her and nodded, turning now over to her, "Of course we can. Let's say our goodbyes and then we can go." Fergal meant that they were to say bye to everyone there, not..to each other. For a moment, Pam had a silent anxiety attack over her taking his words the wrong way. They walked over to Mercedes, "Hey lass, we're gonna get outta here." Mercedes spun around and nodded at them, embracing Fergal in a quick hug, then Pam in a more tender one. Mercedes saw the worry in Pam's little face and whispered subtly in her ear, "Please relax honey." Pam pulled back and nodded, "I'll see you later, dork." She winked at Mercedes and giggled quietly, they both walked over towards April and Lexi who were talking over by the little half empty fruit punch bowl. "Hey you two, we're leavin'." Fergal was leading Pam around now, she was definitely too tired to actually do this on her own, thank god Fergal was here to make sure that she didn't walk repeatedly into the wall. Lexi puffed out her bottom lip and her shoulders dropped. She definitely missed seeing Fergal and Pam a whole lot, it was hard to have two people she loved dearly removed from her life almost all together in the blink of an eye. "Okay, don't be strangers though, text me sometime." April was next to reluctantly say goodbye, Lexi walked over however and hugged Fergal tight, very tight. Then over to Pam and she hugged her as well. "I'm gonna miss you guys. This brand split kind of sucks.." Poor girl felt tears quickly build.

Lexi had to remove herself quickly, she felt like she was going to cry. It really weighed heavily on her that she had nobody to back her on Smackdown. It was a hard adjustment that she was struggling to even cling onto. April hugged Fergal quickly then hugged Pam. Inside Pam's mind she couldn't erase the thoughts of sad Lexi. It was so not okay to know, none the less see go down. "I'll call you when I'm back in Jersey.." April smiled weakly at Pam, who nodded in acceptance. Rebecca actually approached them, "Well I'm about spent, I've gotta get outta here." Becky looked over at Fergal and Pam who were clearly making their goodbye rounds, "I just figure I'd save you the walk and just come over to you." Fergal rolled his eyes playfully and sighed, "Yea Becks, cause two extra feet would absolutely kill me.." Rebecca chuckled and nudged his side, "Shut your face there boy." Fergal giggled and embraced Rebecca in a nice little hug, they held onto each other for quite some time. Pam awkwardly kind of stood there and remembered her nightmare..It was dawning on her right now and the feeling of her stomach being stomped on was growing in intensity. She felt the shadow of doubt and despair creep over top of her mind and wrap its disgusting tendrils around it. The hug broke and Pam looked like she just saw a ghost, Rebecca hugged her with the same emotion she just gave Fergal. It was during this hug that Pam felt her phone vibrate once, "I'll talk to you later, Pam, alright?" She nodded and walked off.

It was Leah, she had texted Pam, 'Sorry babes, I had a family emergency to go to. Please don't be mad at me and we'll get coffee soon! Xoxo'. Pam actually was sad over this, one of her best friends had to bounce out before they even got a chance to really say goodbye to each other. That was going to be something that Pam's already plagued mind would hold nice and close. As Fergal and Pam made their exit from the building, Fergal attempted to grab onto Pam's hand, but she hardly even held his back in return. It was an odd thing for her to do, but her mind was so dark and clouded with that image of them hugging..coupled with her nightmare that she has yet to get over and forget about. The feeling that Pam was having right now was an awful realization..The closer her and Fergal got to one another, the more she panicked over everything that could threaten her losing him. Whether it be a hug from Mercedes, Lexi, Rebecca, anybody..Anything that could threaten her relationship and replace her made her heart shrink in size.That isn't to say that Pam is jealous, she just is full of fear. Her confidence was wasting away into nothingness, she looked at people like Lexi, and Mercedes, and Rebecca and saw how pretty they were, and how they made him smile all the time..And Pam just felt like they were a hundred percent better as people than she was. It was a terrible, all consuming feeling of self doubt, as well as fear. This was the true meaning of fear. She felt like everyone was coming for her, it was becoming apparent that she was going to inevitably give in to her fear. The car ride back to Pam's apartment was quiet, and actually awkward as hell. "Are you feelin' okay?" Fergal tried to figure out what was wrong with her, but Pam refused to tear her walls down. "I'm okay. Just tired." The once happy woman lied through her teeth, she had so much on her mind that there was no way she would ever even be able to strike a smile out of her face.