Turn It Up

Never Forget

The things that went on inside the mind of an insecure person were always so dark and dangerous that they never should be spoken, even to those who claim to care oh so much. Fergal was gravitating towards that darkness now, he had seen his friends and even Pam at their absolute lowest points ever. He has seen what darkness and rage they can hold inside of them. It scared him to the point of wanting to never speak of things that scare him ever again. He has been in fights with Pam over her insecurities and when he answers her questions, all he gets is nothing but rage from the normally calm woman. For some reason, she feels that things pertaining to that should not be spoken, like he knows what should, and shouldn't be said.. That is really such a fine line to walk on and honestly it isn't fair to use that line on someone in that way. Fergal was scared to talk about how much he worried about Rebecca, or Shinsuke.. Especially Lexi. He knows how much Pam is not a fan of Lexi even though they are close friends. With Fergal not in the equation, Pam and Lexi are very close. With him? Ppsh. Forget about it. It was time for the Universal Champion to make his return to Monday Night RAW and Fergal was a thousand percent NOT ready for it. He wasn't ready to deal with any kind of promo he might have to cut, or any match he would have to convince people to be invested in. He wasn't even particularly invested in himself at the moment, how the shit was he expected to go out there and put on a five star match? Pam was not booked tonight, she had nothing lined up even though she is the Women's Champion. Perhaps it was due to the fact that this was Superstar Shakeup night. A silly little thing that WWE did where they simply moved Superstars from show to show in an attempt to 'shake up' the foundation of the show. Fergal sat in the locker room with the rest of the boys and all of them respected his space so much, they were really great to him at this moment. They all knew he was distraught, not a soul attempted to approach him, minding their space. Pam on the other hand got to wander aimlessly around the backstage area and hope she can find someone that can peak her interest for at least the time being. Pam bumped into none other than April, she was overjoyed to see the tiny skipper, embracing her in a big, warm hug. "April! Hey I really missed you, I keep hearing really bad rumors about you.. What's going on.."

April smiled briefly and then proceeded to hang her head low, "Well it depends on what everyone is saying. Cause some of them are just a tiny bit true." Her voice was quiet, she didn't wanna say this right now, she was having actual fun at work and now this? "Pam, I have to go again. When I retired the first time, a few years back? Yea part of the reason is because I felt like I accomplished all I could here.. But another HUGE portion of that was because of what the ring has done to my body. The WWE asked me if I could make a comeback and carry certain people with me to legitimize them.. But now? They ask me how my neck is doing. And yea I did have surgery after I retired to try and repair damage but the damage was permanent. So they knew my run wouldn't be long and to be honest with you? It lasted a helluva lot longer than I expected." Pam knew where this was going, she felt like crying but she had done so much crying over the last several days that her eyes physically couldn't make any more tears. "What I'm getting at Pam, is my in ring time? I have to walk away.. I need to thank you so much for WrestleMania, it was absolutely magical and I'm so happy I got to be beaten by one of my best friends ever in the whole wide world.." April bit the inside of her cheek very, very hard right now, she too almost cried..

"Aw, April.. Lovely don't cry.. It was special, and honestly you gave me my WrestleMania moment. I could never repay you for that.. I understand.. Your little neck got abused for your whole career, you don't need to feel bad about it. The fans will understand how much you REALLY don't wanna do this and I do too. I obviously am gonna miss sharing the ring with you, but maybe they can keep you around as like, a manager? Or potentially a future General Manager again? That April was so freaking funny.." Pam was being as warm and understanding as humanly possible, it really is so funny how life throws so many things at people all at once. A range array of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, regret, understanding. Emotions inside of Pam were like a twister and she didn't know which one would wind up having dominance over her. April inhaled deeply and then exhaled just as deep. "Congrats on the future Mrs. Devitt! That is so super cool babes, my unicorn is growing up so fast!" April needed to inject happiness into this somber, sad conversation. Pam smiled a little but knew that she was just trying to advert from the real issue. She appreciated it of course, it meant the world that April cared. "Aw, thank you. I'm still not exactly over being proposed to in front of millions of people to be honest. Still gives me butterflies just thinking about." Pam giggled and then April did just a bit, "I'm gonna go check on Fergal before his segment, okay love?" Pam smiled a little bit, she did wanna go make sure Fergal's head was fully in the game here. "Of course of course, wish him luck for me, okay?" April smiled a little and hugged Pam once more, "Thank you for everything, again.. Just thank you thank you.." April whispered into Pam's body, warming her heart almost instantly, Pam rubbed April's back very gently, "I'm always here, just call me or text me if you wanna talk. Okay?" April pulled her head back and nodded. It was time to separate. Pam pulled away and let her hands slide down April's arms. This sucked for her super badly and she definitely was not into it.. But nevertheless; she walked off and so did April. She walked towards where Fergal was setting up at and had to wait for him to walk out of the locker room of course, if she didn't then that would be somewhat embarrassing for her to walk into the men's locker room unannounced like that. A few minutes later, Fergal walked out and clearly was bothered, he wore that troubled look on his face as if it were a mask, or better yet.. His paint. "Oh. Hey Pam. I didn't expect you to be here.."

Fergal was not into anything right now, everything it seemed like he was passionate about was wrong, according to one person or another it felt like that. Wrestling even felt like it was ass backwards right now. But more so his relationship with his friends, the care he gave LITERALLY everyone was being specified to just a few people who Pam is 'threatened' by. If Fergal really wanted to pursuit one of them? Wouldn't he oh, I don't know.. DO IT!? "Why do you say that, babe? Of course I'm gonna come check up on you.." Pam mumbled quietly as the two walked towards catering. It never hurt to have a bite to eat before you went out, NOT A LOT! Just, a little. Being hungry and in a match are two things that don't exactly mesh well together. Fergal knows exactly what that's like. Fatigue gripping your muscles and every single thing you do hurts and just plain old sucks. "Well I don't know.. I wasn't sure if you'd have more important things to go do and all that. I'm sorry I asked." Fergal was on the defensive, clearly and it just sucked so badly to know how close they were, but for some reason, a reason that Pam couldn't figure out, they were drifting. Sigh, this was just typical. Arriving at catering, Fergal grabbed just a few things and sat down at a table with Pam. "What's on your mind, Fergal. Why are you acting like this with me..?"

There it is, the million dollar question. Problem is that Fergal really didn't have the answer to. It was a complicated answer, drenched in anger and sadness. But how does one address such an issue without causing a fuss? You don't, that's how you do it. Fergal just started eating and was making an effort to stuff all these unnecessary emotions into his heart and staple it shut. "Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired. It's been a long week." In reality it felt like his heart was in the clutches of an icy monster, enjoying the way that his body reacted with each squeeze of the important organ. Fergal looked over at her and he wasn't sure if her eyes were screaming for help, or if they were saying he was a liar. Whether or not she believed him or not, it mattered little at this point. Fergal had his thoughts and feelings, and so did she. It was really hard for her to sit there and know he was full of shit and not call him out on it. But perhaps that was where some of their fighting had begun, with her doing things like that. Who knows honestly, certainly Pam didn't. Fergal looked back at his food and everything began to tighten on his body. Each of his muscles did their own spastic twitch as he struggled to conceal them, it felt like each part of his body was individually struck by lightning, all coming one after the other. His brain was having to process all of this at a rapid pace, too fast actually. The pressure was getting to him now and it was beginning to take control over his body. Pam reached over and rubbed his back gently, as she pushed her hand down onto his body he felt it, it felt like if you had extremely bad sunburn and someone went to touch you, just flaming the entire area up like wild fire. "It's okay Fergal. I know something is going on inside that head of yours and if you don't wanna tell me? That's fine.. I understand and respect your space. But remember that things will always go the way that fate has intended. How many times has that been true? Rhetorical question.." Pam's implications were that whenever shit got bad, it always got bad for a reason, but Fergal found no peace in this. For in reality there was no reason why Lexi lay in a hospital bed LITERALLY fighting for her life with each passing second. If someone were to try and justify why they got into that accident, Fergal would absolutely not even pay attention to it.. How could he? Any reason would be false and stupid in his opinion. But he didn't want to argue. He finished his food and looked over at her, she saw the paleness that used to be his colorful face look right at her, his dark brown eyes almost pierced a hole into her spirit. "I gotta get out there." Fergal stood, "Thank you Pam. Honestly, means alot." He tossed his plate out and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, after he did, "I love you. I'll be back."

"I love you too baby. Be safe." Fergal walked off and within minutes, Pam saw him out there ready for his match and soon after it began. Fergal wrestled almost like it was business as usual, not a care in the world but to people who knew him? It was so obvious that he was literally dying inside. Pam hated it, but she was powerless to stop it. The fans welcomed their Universal Champion back with open arms and loud cheers. After a solid ten or so minute match, Fergal got the pinfall and the match concluded. He thanked the fans with his classic bow and waved them down as he walked up the ramp. Pam wanted to meet him there, so she did, she darted over to the curtain/prep area and waited for her triumphant man to walk through. It was so surreal for Fergal, he made his return, got engaged, and yet.. Sorrow was still all he felt. He couldn't comprehend the severity of the problem that was in that hospital. Two of his friends are beat the shit up, and one of them is fighting for her life. Fergal was welcomed by the crew in back with an applause, and thank you's from them.. Pam hugged him and he whispered, "Can we go now?"