Turn It Up

Open Up

Four days have passed by since the failure that was the meeting took place. And it was hard for Alexis to comprehend how such a good, pure idea could have yielded such pitiful results. She avoided Fergal for the first few days, feeling responsible for only making the situation worse between him and Pam. But in reality? There was no getting worse than this right now, and Fergal was empty. Emptier than he has ever been before. He was in full depression mode now, for his relationship was actually over. The ring he wore proudly on his finger was removed, all emotion that even remotely resembled positivity was gone. Anything and everything that he once held close he has lost, miserably. He was beginning to think that turning Mercedes down was a bad idea. For the outcome couldn't have possibly been worse than this honestly. Let's face facts here; Fergal did the 'right' thing, and the only thing that came out of it was Mercedes attempted suicide, and Pam basically forced the relationship down the tubes, grinding it into an unrecognizable mess. Fergal requested time off of work for a few days to clear his head. Paul knew what this was about. He knew that Fergal was the hardest worker since.. Probably John Cena, and if he needed time to get his head back on straight? How can he even try to say no. Fergal sat on his couch, doing literally nothing. His old Dell laptop sat on the coffee table, he didn't remember why it was there but he decided to open it up, and possibly browse the internet for things. Perhaps buying shit would make him forget about the fact that he's dying on the inside. As he opened the older laptop up and woke it up from sleep mode, he saw something that instantly made his body quiver in rage. It was houses. Houses that him and Pam were looking into going to see.. Actually today as a matter of fact. Fergal grinded his teeth so hard it was almost guaranteed that he would crack one. He lunged forward, grabbing the laptop with both hands and lifted it up. He then threw it to the side as hard as he possibly could. The laptop spun and crashed into the wall, luckily the corners didn't hit the wall, otherwise he would have put a hole through it. Nope, it hit the wall with the screen side and then crashed into the ground, shattering into pieces. He sat there, his mind so clouded with chaos, and pain that it didn't even register what he had just done. Fergal just sat there in a quiet rage as his body shook from his uncontrollable frustration. He put his hands to his face and pushed his finger into his eyes, trying to slowly stop the aching that he felt behind them. For the first time all week, the pain had finally caught up to him. He kind of knew that it was coming, he hoped it never came..

    Fergal heard knocking at his door, he didn't want a fucking guest right now. But the knocking persisted and a tiny voice was heard from the other side. "Fergal? Open the damn door dude I just heard that noise. Don't act like you're not in there.." Fergal was caught. And he knew who it was, but he didn't want to deal with her bullshit right now. He rose to his feet and walked towards the door, opening it and then quickly walking away from it. "Well hello to you too. No, get back here." Leah was the one who decided to check up on Fergal. She was not afraid of anyone or anything at this point. Two friends of hers were crumbling into ash right in front of her, what kind of a person would she be if she just ignored them? She walked up from behind Fergal and grabbed him gently by the wrist, stopping him in place. From there; she hugged the hurting Irishman and refused to let go. It took a few moments, but ultimately he turned around and embraced the woman in that hug. His weak arms wrapped around her..

    Leah could actually feel the level of strength he possessed, and it was barely there anymore, not like it used to. Fergal hugged like he shook hands, firm and to the point. A person can tell a lot about someone else through handshakes. And right now Leah was doing the same thing via a hug. She rubbed his back softly, whispering to him, "It's okay Fergal. You don't need this isolated macho bullshit right now. I can see through that. Just let it all bleed out. Okay? I'm right here.." Leah instructed him as Fergal's head lowered onto her shoulder. She held him for a few moments and almost thought that he didn't have it in him to cry, crying typically helped get some emotion that you don't want out of your system.. But it was just about time to break the hug until she felt something wet on her shoulder. And she could feel his heartbeat coming from his chest. She realized that he was silently crying and that actually crushed her. The reason why it did is because that's the kind of crying where you're so hurting, and you have no other emotions left but sadness.. You can't make a scene, you for some reason just shut down. "Hey.. I'm her Ferg.. Okay? I may not be everybody's favorite person from time to time but I have a freakin' heart. And we're all so worried about you." Leah tried to reassure him, Fergal mumbled, "What about Pam." Taken or not, married or not, Fergal still cared about Pam. And that was obvious with his concern about her. "Pam has been more vocal than you. She's actually reached out to Rami, me, and April. You? You've been like a ghost. Lexi is scared to come near you right now. April is a little bit as well." Fergal closed his eyes tight after she spoke. Two of his best friends in the world are.. Too scared to come make sure he isn't dead? "They're.. Scared of me." Fergal was having a hard time comprehending why they would be frightened by him, but at the same time he kind of figured this is how it was going to go down. Fergal is desperate for help, desperate for someone to make sure he is indeed okay.. And not a soul shows up. Not until Leah did, of course. "They're only scared because they're the ones who set up that little meeting between you and Pam that fell on its face.." All the while mind you that they were still hugging, after this? Leah needed to ensure Fergal that there was someone for him, and that someone was her. Fergal didn't speak after this, he couldn't believe that it had gotten so bad that they were too scared to even come see him. "Rami was going to come with me today, but he had to go overseas literally last minute. Lexi and AJ said they're gonna come by, I don't know about together or not but.. They did promise me." Fergal's hands slid down Leah and then ultimately off, "I'm fine. I don't need checkups." He was migrating to that stage where he denied help..

    The boiling pot of water that was inside of Fergal's heart about how they didn't come to see him due to 'fear', was simmering down. He didn't care anymore. They had their own lives, their own precious fucking relationships to worry about. He was beginning to think that the only reason Leah came was because her relationship had ended. Fergal slid over to his sofa and sat down, Leah was frustrated now, "Don't be like that Fergal. C'mon now buddy. People care, I freakin' care. You gonna sit there all bummin' around and tell me that I don't care now?" Leah popped her hip out in her attitudinal way, and Fergal shrugged. "I don't know what anyone really thinks anymore Leah. I've had best friends try to sabotage my relationship, I've had my fiancé literally dictate my life on who I can be friends with and who I can speak to. I don't know what you really think. For all I know you can be doing just what Mercedes did and not really care, you just want something out of me. People have done that to me for years.. Finally I see it."

    Leah knew he was right about most of that. Mercedes was one of his most trusted and beloved friends until she betrayed that trust and tried to sleep with him. Pam is his most serious relationship ever and she did basically take control of his life.. What he liked, who he liked, who he spoke to, who he spoke about. It was all true. Pam did become judge, jury, and executioner for Fergal and all of the things that were even in his life. But what was wrong is that Leah wanted something out of him, she wanted nothing but to make sure he was okay. And she was going to prove it. She got down on her knees next to the empty seat on the couch and looked over at him. "Look. I know Pam has been a shithead, and I know Mercedes is basically a whore for what she did to you. But look at me. I am here FOR you. Not because I need something out of you, or because I want to get with you. Dude you practically are my brother. This really is not Game Of Thrones. I'm here because I love you, because you're such a great person who needs to be told that sometimes. I'm here because you're one of my best friends Fergal Devitt. Now damn it, listen to me and believe what I'm saying. Things will be okay. If it is destiny for you and Pam to be together? Then you will be. If that's something that is meant to happen it'll happen. If not? Then whatever man, life is life. But I promise that life, your life.. Will be okay. It sucks right now but hey, that's what friends are for. To pick you up when you fall down. You've done that for literally everyone you've met and befriended. Now let us help you." Leah's little speech put it into perspective what she really felt. And it made him feel only a little better. Fergal knew all that destiny stuff was probably true, and even though his life was filled with shit right now. The show must go on. Fergal inhaled deeply, and exhaled longer. "Thank you, for that. You are a very sweet person, Leah. Thank you for coming here. Sit, please I can't imagine how much your knee caps must hurt now.." Fergal patted the seat next to him, his eyes were so not inviting right now. Black bags underneath them, so bloodshot there was no more space in his eyes that were white, just red.. But he was being genuine. He really was appreciative over all of this and he was curious as to what she thought.. Leah made her way to the seat and plopped her butt down. "I need to know though, Leah.." She looked at him, "What makes more sense to you. What Pam said? Or what I have said." This question he asked her was a difficult little cookie to crack. She bit down on her bottom lip gently, trying to think very carefully. "Well, as much as I love the girl, I really think you've done nothing wrong here. Sure she's insecure and you could have been more sensitive and aware.. But to warrant that kind of behavior? I don't know.. It doesn't seem right. April and Lexi think the same thing as well.. They recognize the insecurity.. But.."

    Fergal stopped her, "Say no more.. I understand. Thank you for your honesty. Definitely means a lot." Leah nodded, this little meet up was a good idea on her part, Fergal was reminded that his friends do indeed love him a lot. And he found out that he truly was not doing anything wrong, and that he was not after all crazy as fuck. "So you guys really are technically not a thing anymore.. Right?" Leah had to ask, she was so curious and Fergal hadn't made mention of it just yet.. He had no words, all he did was look over at her, his eyes filled with pain and sorrow.. She looked down slowly, "I'm sorry.." She whispered. Several tense moments passed and eventually Leah looked over at the television yet again. Fergal then looked over at Leah, she didn't see him look at her, but he just looked for a moment to see how she was doing, breathing normally, her eyes weren't darting around in fear. After that question, he was sure that she would be scared. But she was not.. and she really was telling the truth about, 'who's side are you on'. "So, tell me.." Fergal quietly began to speak again, Leah turned her little head and looked at Fergal with curiosity filling her eyes. "How did it go?" Leah cocked her head to the side, "How did what go Ferg?" He needed to be more clear, silly Fergal. She doesn't know what you think.. "How did you going to check up on Pam go.. I just want to know." Leah inhaled and exhaled deep. "Well.. This is what happened.."