Turn It Up

Healing

There were endless possibilities for why Colby did what he did. No reason ever dawned on Pam, it always burned a hole into her heart and mind that someone she thought that she knew quite well was capable of being such a monster so quickly. The problem with this is that Pam knew that she wasn't the only one affected, Mercedes was equally, if not more, banged up both physically and emotionally. Both ladies were given time off and both of them thought it best to be with each other during this difficult time. Any kind of yelling would trigger them both, Mercedes winced at the sound of a voice becoming louder in an angry tone and immediately braced for impact. Pam on the other hand closed her eyes and hoped that everything would pass her by. At one point, Pam's neighbors were arguing over something and the two ladies clung onto each other for support, leading to Pam nudging Mercedes' fractured ribs and hurting her. It was funny and sad at the same time. It appears that they reignited their friendship and Pam was moving on away from her insecurity. At least for the most part. In dark, quiet moments she still thought about how much prettier Mercedes is, and she always thought about how Fergal deserves better than her. Those thoughts would probably never go away. See, the problem with Pam's thought process is that.. Everyone was prettier than her. Of course she works in a place where she feels as if all the women are drop dead gorgeous, and talented.. Not helping her thinking at all. But she saw the damage her insecurity caused, she saw what the results of her annoyance towards Fergal can do to her entire life. Affecting all aspects of it, she had to work as hard as possible to prevent further outbursts and start to consider damage control. Bonding with Mercedes again after the conflict with Colby was a good start for her to wind up getting over said insecurity, or at least containing it to a manageable level. Pam and the pink haired woman sat on Pam's sofa and were watching Mercedes' favorite Korean Horror movie. To be a hundred percent honest? Pam had NO idea what was really going on, Mercedes was just so gung-ho about watching the movie that she would feel horrible if she denied it to her. "Sooo.. The little boy is a monster..? Or..?"

Mercedes giggled at Pam's cute attempt to understand the movie. "Well that's the whole point, dude. The little boy might be a monster, or he might be a product of what's happening around him. See, if his father didn't do the things he did to him, and push the mother away.. The boy wouldn't have built up so much like, resentment towards him. And that translated to I guess having supernatural, kill everyone, powers." Mercedes tried her best to make sure that the movie was bottom-lined for her friend. It was a little confusing, even with subtitles. Pam nodded slowly, "Oh okay. That actually totally makes sense to be honest. I just wasn't sure if it was a movie that like, pointed out what happens when people are exposed to too much stress, or if certain things are taken from them and they lash out on everything. Or maybe it was-" Pam's phone buzzed and it interrupted her speaking and thought process. Mercedes took that comment a little more to heart than she should have, it felt like Pam was secretly letting out how she felt about.. Every other girl who she felt threatened by. Pam looked at her phone and was soon making a stupid face in it. "Fergal?" Mercedes whispered, Pam nodded. "Let's do the face swap thing on Snapchat. It'll scare the crap out of him!" Mercedes suggested, "Dude, that is an amazing idea." Pam smiled and so did Mercedes, soon, Pam squirmed over to her injured friend and nestled right next to her as close as she could. The face swap thing was horrifying, just as Mercedes thought.

Tons of giggling was happening, and Mercedes soon found herself in a lot of pain as a result of it. Broken ribs plus laughing equals a LOT of pain, anything you do would hurt.. Moving, laughing, coughing, heaven forbid you sneeze.. Pam sent it and looked over at Mercedes who appeared to still have a frightened look in her eyes. "You still think I hate you, don't you.." Pam had to ask, it was really bothering her now at this point, for she honestly tried everything in her power to prevent this time together from turning into a bad experience. Mercedes bit down on her bottom lip and nodded, looking down slowly. It was almost as if she was ashamed to admit she had fear in her heart, but after recent events? How could ANYONE talk shit about her for having fear in her. Pam sighed softly and Mercedes felt really bad, "No no don't sigh, I'm sorry Pam I just. You got so heated with me and I just. I don't wanna piss you off again, dude.." Mercedes backtracked so far she figuratively was falling over. Pam grabbed her hand softly, "Stop.. I'm really not some big bad wolf coming to blow you over.. I want to fix this, slap some bandages on this and make things right again.. With everyone. Starting with you." She raised her hand up and booped Mercedes on the tip of her nose. It warmed Mercedes' heart to know that her friend was so determined to help this and fix what damage she may or may not have caused. "Okay.. Well. We need to talk about it, now that we're both calm and collected.. I need to know.." Mercedes' curiosity had gotten the better of her at this point in time. She was dying to know what was REALLY going on inside the mind of the Hugger. Pam was not entirely ready to talk about what was happening, but at the end of the day? This is exactly why she built up resentment for Mercedes in the first place. Piss poor communication is a deadly thing in a relationship, whether it be friendship, or dating. Bad communication and not believing in one another about things like this were sure ways of fighting every single day about things that really shouldn't be fought over. Pam sat back in her seat, thinking of how to word this, of how she can explain herself that won't make her sound so super duper crazy. Pam looked back down at Mercedes who still wore fear as if it were a mask..

"Well, as dumb as it sounds. You're better than I am. No don't disagree, just let me kind of.. Go here. You see, Fergal is a great guy.. You know that, I know that, the freakin' world knows that. I mean, you don't know how many people at me on Twitter saying how he deserves better or that he's perfect. Holy moly dude if I had a dime for every time someone did.. I could have ALREADY retired. But, you are so pretty. And so funny, and so nice.. Like, honestly I was jealous of you for like a week. Jealousy turned to fear very, very fast. I thought he was interested in you.." Pam paused, feeling her eyes well up with tears. Mercedes reached now and was the one who grabbed Pam's hand, softly stroking her thumb over top of it. "You can say it.." Mercedes whispered softly, feeling tears of her own build now. The typically emotional Mercedes had a reputation to consider here, she needed to cry. All kidding aside, Pam swallowed hard, "I thought he was only interested in you because of your looks.. Because there was a part of him that would rather take you to bed every night than me.. I thought.. I-I thought he wanted to get into your pants so badly just because of you.." Pam looked down now, feeling completely ashamed of herself, this was her fear though, she really, truthfully thought that Fergal wanted to have sex with Mercedes and that was his motivator to why he held interest in her. "Is it just me? Or is other people you think this way too?" Mercedes needed to know if she was being singled out or if this thought was across the board for, well, any female in Fergal's life at this stage in the game.

Pam had a feeling this question would be asked. She almost had an answer but felt it was not good enough for Mercedes. But nevertheless, this was the time to get the gunk out of her system about this entire screwed up issue. "It wasn't just you.. Lexi.. Becks.. Nicole.. Leah.." Mercedes shook her head almost in disbelief.. "But, Pammy girl, Lexi is almost married.. And Becky is lesbian.. Nicole is getting back together with Cena.. Leah? Aren't her and Will (Big Cass) married already??" Mercedes had genuine confusion about this, the real life situation that was happening shouldn't have happened.. Pam nodded, "All of that I think is true. I haven't talked to Nicole in a long long time. But honestly I think you're right and I'm sorry.." Pam exhaled deeply, "And you? Like I said.. You really are everything I'm not, Mercedes.. Whether you realize it or not that is really the truth and I know, you and Colby were a thing at the time but have you seen Colby? He has an awful track record and this crap with Saraya? I couldn't.. I couldn't weed out the possibility of you guys being together when I thought of this.. So that's who, and that's why.." Mercedes didn't feel satisfied, but she felt better knowing the actual truth and what had happened for these feelings to begin in the first place. Mercedes squeezed Pam's little hand, "Look.. I completely understand why other girls can threaten you, even when they don't intend to do so.. But you have to realize, Fergal is an honest guy. If he were to say he loves you and wants you every single day? Then that IS what he wants. There is no such thing as a hidden agenda with that guy, seriously dude. I remember once he said he was gonna go and like, get a coffee and a donut with only like sixty percent glaze on it. And didn't he come back with the EXACT thing he set out for? It just is how he is.. And caring about other people? His heart is massive.. Don't forget, Fergal is thirty five.. Right? Yea, so he's seen wrestling go from the baby face era, to the Attitude Era, where women were objects and used as just boob show and shaking their butts around. Fergal wants professional wrestling to be a better place for everybody and that includes us.. Ever think of that might be why originally he helped each and every one of us so much?" These words never occurred to Pam, she never thought about the very real possibility that maybe Fergal just.. Cared.

It really made a lot of sense, what Mercedes was saying. It almost hit Pam like a truck.. Fergal just cared about everybody. He didn't need to always talk about, well, everything in order for that to be true. It was just Pam's selective thinking that made her think he only cared about the women because he was attracted to them. There was always another layer to Fergal's thought process that never was exposed, or at least Pam didn't care to expose it sometimes. She shook her head and Mercedes grew.. Worried. "What's a matter sweetheart?" Mercedes loosened the grip on her friend's hand. "I just.. I never thought of it that way.. You like. Goodness have I really not been paying attention to things around me? I just think I know everything and honestly I know less than ever.. I didn't. I.." Pam felt helpless, she felt like the cause of all of these recent issues between Fergal, and Mercedes. The reason why there was no conflict between her and the other girls is because they weren't on the same show.. Pam's rage would have carried over to them too if the opportunity presented itself.. "Pam, you aren't causing anything like that. You are the sweetest lady I have ever met and I ADORE you as a friend. I still think we're related somewhere along the line.. Look, just, let's finish the movie, eat buttery popcorn and relax. Deal?" Pam felt a little better when Mercedes said that, she smiled warmly, "Deal, buddy." Pam inched closer to Mercedes and leaned on her friend for support, figuratively.. And literally.