Turn It Up

Lost And Alone

Well it looks like that little trip down perfect fucking relationship avenue is over and dead. They were right back to where they started, awkwardly avoiding each other and when they did have to interact with one another it was pathetic and quiet. Fergal lumbered around the backstage set for RAW and each chance he got he took two glances at Alexis.. He was growing quite fond of the little lass now and was not realizing it. He would stop near her, but not too closet so that his admiration of her was noted by anyone, and just see how peaceful she was, how adorable she made movements.. The thoughts that ran through his head were not that of the common man, who looked at her as just a sexual object. Existing only to pleasure him, no.. Fergal was better than that. He saw her as a human being, with thoughts, emotions, feelings, hopes and dreams.. He really was putting her high up on a perch that could not be touched by anyone.. Fergal continued to walk around backstage, seeing all of his friends having fun little interactions, jokes, and even hugging one another. He was beginning to understand the consequences of his actions. The consequences of isolating yourself during a relationship, ignoring friends for a girlfriend, allowing yourself to be treated like actual shit. It was all hitting him like a ton of bricks. He hated it as a matter of fact, Fergal was filled with regret and had nowhere left to turn. He had a match tonight, just something to set up his inevitable title loss to Colby, and he was so excited about it. Fergal was burning out mentally, and burning out fast. He needed to get away from this whole shit show of a lifestyle he was living and get away from all these garbage feelings that he kept inside. He never really lost feelings for Pam, he was just beginning to recognize that he deserved better, and that all the hardships he was forced to endure, were unnecessary at best. He began stretching, the typical pre-match ritual that he participated in in order to clear his head and get his mind on the task at hand. Colby knocked on his door and poked his head in, "Hey bud. You good?" He asked kindly. Colby has literally had a hundred and eighty degree turn around since his blow up on the girls. He didn't seem to hold any ill feelings towards Pam, Mercedes, Fergal. Or anyone else for that matter. Whatever happened in that time, wherever he went.. It worked in calming him down. A lot. Fergal shrugged, "I don't know." He then turned away from him and kept stretching his legs. Colby slowly entered the locker room and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "What do you mean? What's goin' on buddy?" Colby asked, again with kindness and concern for a friend. Fergal didn't wanna let him in on this little bag of worms regarding Alexis. He just couldn't and reaaaally shouldn't do that. So he didn't. "Just can't sleep at night, y'know. Typical shit. Nothing crazy."

    Colby sighed, "Yeah man I definitely know the feeling. You try like meditating? Or watching relaxing shit on YouTube? I do that, the second one of course. There's a lot of relaxing things on the internet that really can make boat loads of difference to your sleeping. Or maybe a new pillow, you think that could have you messed up? Wait, you don't bring your own do you?" Colby was really talkative.. Fergal laughed quietly, "Uh no. I don't bring my own pillow. Is that something a lot of people do?" Colby scoffed, "Ppsh. All the smart kids are doin' it. I'm tellin' you it's really gonna help you if you give it a shot." Fergal shrugged, "I'll do it next time I get to go home. I'll grab my pillow. Thanks buddy." Colby nodded at Fergal's words and proceeded to exit his locker room, "See you out there, champ!" Colby's last remark reminded Fergal of his match.

    Pam was back at work and it was time for her to get back in some kind of picture. The women of the WWE really suffered when it came to on screen time and match duration. Segments that were not matches? You can ALMOST forget about it entirely. They were few and far between. I mean, the talking lasted for two to three minutes typically. And that's really only if you were the champion. Alexis currently held that honor of being RAW Women's Champion, regardless of Pam's assassination attempt. She was reading the card for the evening and saw that she was working with Savelina. That typically is fun, Savelina is a different kind of woman to work with. She was never to be tossed around, or even really moved all that well. But she would move you around ALL the time. She demanded respect in the ring, and even though she's still relatively new to the world of professional wrestling? She got that respect. Pam was walking up to the staging area right before you walked through the curtains when she bumped into Team Rude. (Alexis and Savelina) "Oh, hey guys! Savei we're on next, love." Pam was being really kind, showing that she was back to the same old Pam that everyone grew to enjoy and become fond of. Alexis smiled, "I'm a little jealous I can't go out there with you guys! They really have no contender right now for me and it's SUPER depressing." Alexis scoffed and swung her feet off the box she sat on. Savelina looked over at Alexis, "Listen doll face, put that title on the line and we can wrestle anywhere." Alexis laughed a little bit and knew what her friend was doing, "Okay first off, rude. That isn't what I meant. And second off.. I mean you wouldn't wanna ACTUALLY wrestle me right, I mean we're good?" They all laughed a little bit and Pam began to slip away, "Oh Pam? Try not to kill me out there, girl." Pam laughed at Savelina's joke, Alexis did too. That was a good sign actually, if they still looked at that in a negative light, then heat would be developing between Pam and everybody else. Luckily for Pam that wasn't the case. She walked up to the staging prep area and began bouncing a little bit. The match that was on definitely was taking its sweet ass time to end and Pam was getting anxious. She began to think about Fergal. And how much of a fuck up she really is. She was doing that thing that people do when they're in a relationship where they take full blame on a problem when in reality they should definitely NOT do that. But hey here we are, and Pam is doing it. She was so lost in her own mind on why she basically went on a date with her ex boyfriend WHILE being on a break with Fergal. The only thing she could say about it is that they were technically broken up.. A break in a relationship means that you break up for a set amount of time, with INTENTIONS of getting back together. Assuming that old wounds can manage to close up, and heal, of course..

    But Pam may have opened up a new wound with this Aaron thing. She may have made a boo-boo and she doesn't know how to make up for it. She thought that spending time with Fergal would do the trick, but it was clear that nowadays? Even spending precious time with one another was NOT enough to get bad feelings to go away. Pam was realizing this, and it was hitting her that unless these problems can go away? Then she has just got to face the reality that her relationship with Fergal might just not work.. It might just be toxic, it might have devolved into something that they never wanted it to be.. The wedding the both dreamt about.. Their nice house with the white fence.. All of that might just stick in Pam's brain, as the life she could have had, the life she wanted to have, and the life that she absolutely one hundred and fifty percent fucking ruined by being an oblivious moron.. Of course this isn't true afterall..

    Fergal left the confines of his locker room to explore? Or just walk around, he wasn't sure why he decided to do this but something inside his body compelled him to do it. He yet again, saw his old crew of friends enjoying themselves, laughing and having a great fucking time. Literally pissing him off internally. He was growing jealous of happy people.. The thought was always, 'What have I done so wrong in life to deserve this unhappiness? This never ending feeling of dissatisfaction?' Fergal didn't know, he never did. He often asked those close to him, such as Kevin, Joe, Alexis, April.. Nobody knew what happened and what went wrong with things in his life to show such shit. He walked passed Savelina and Alexis who were still in the same spot and Savelina grabbed his attention. "Hey! Devitt. C'mere a second bud." Fergal spun around, acting like he didn't see them and walked over. Goodness, Alexis made his heart do back flips inside of his chest right now. This feeling must have been there the whole time, but he just now is seeing it. The reason why he is feeling this way can possibly be attributed to how much damage Pam has inflicted upon him emotionally. You can only take so much damage as a person before you just start to stray away from your abuser. "What's up? Hi, Lexi." Fergal smiled and waved slightly at Alexis, who waved back. "Hey!" Savelina got in the middle of this little meet and greet. "Hey Lex, do you mind giving me a minute with him? I gotta talk to him about something." Alexis was initially put off by this, "What can't you say in front of me? I thought we were friends.." Alexis pouted in a silly manner, "It's.. for your birthday. Now scram!" Savelina laughed and Alexis' eyes widened. She hopped down and walked off quickly. "It totally isn't about her birthday, but I do need to talk to you Fergal." Fergal nodded slowly, "Kinda figured it wasn't. But what's up? What can I help ya with?" Fergal asked curiously, he didn't know really what she wanted and was curious as to what she would need of him. "Well. it isn't really much of helping me. But it's a matter of what I'm seeing and I need someone to confirm this to me. Someone being you and only you." Savelina was getting cryptic, which was unlike her in every single way. She never spoke like this. "Well. I'll do what I can to help." Fergal added quietly, still trying to decipher this code before she got it out. "I.. I don't know the nicest way to say this, or even the smartest way to get this out in the open. Are you and Pam not doing okay?" Fergal hung his head low, of course this is what it was about. "Um.. No. We uh, we are definitely not doing okay at all." Savelina cringed slightly.. "I kind of figured that.. Because there's something you're doing and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Please don't get mad that for saying this."

    Fergal was unsure now, his previous assumption as to what she was talking about was now scrapped and tossed away.. "Well what is it? I won't get mad.." Fergal was getting nervous, what was she about to tell him.. "Well. I just. I see the way you're starting to look at Lexi. And how you act around her.." Fergal felt his heart sink as she spoke, he thought that the things he was doing was quiet enough to go unseen or noticed by anyone.. Guess he assumed wrong. "O-oh.. What.. Do you mean?" Fergal asked. Perhaps if he knew what she meant, he could work on killing it. "There's a special little twinkle you get in your eye when you see her.. You smile a lot more.. You laugh a lot more.. You get antsy. I think it's adorable honestly, but Lexi is kind of set to be married as of now.. You know that.. Why are you basically developing feelings for a girl who is unobtainable? And I thought you were happy with Pam? Is there something about that that I don't know?" Fergal looked at the ground for a while.. "I-I'm just so lost and alone.."