Turn It Up

Side Effect

Fergal's eyes were glassy looking. He had no idea where he was nor did he even have a remote thought of how he got there. Thank god nobody came in as he was having that..vivid nightmare. And on another note, thank god that it was a freaking nightmare. As much as it pissed him off that he couldn't shake this fear, it was just a dream. He picked himself up off the floor and looked around, he was filled with such..rage. And irritation. He looked down at his hands and was still in a sleepy haze, seeing red on his hands he quickly tried to brush them on his pants and shirt. Only to realize there was nothing there at all. Fergal's night terror's were awful, he never spoke of them to anyone ever. He had dreams of watching friends and family burning alive, drowning on his own blood..And most recently..being unable to aid his one true love. Fergal clenched his fist and felt a cold wave smother his body. It was the most uncomfortable feeling he has ever had, worse than when he had to push his shoulder back into place. He could still feel the cut on Pam's body and quickly slapped himself in the face to try and snap out of this..weird state. It was the worst thing ever, he was struggling to get out of dreamland and differentiate between real life, and dreams. Perhaps it was a side effect from his prescription to get rid of the pain in his shoulder..He didn't know, right now he was actually starting to hallucinate and it was frightening him to no end. He heard his phone buzz, and then buzz three more times. But he really wasn't in the correct state of mind to get to it. Where the fuck is Pam, my god if he ever needed her he did RIGHT NOW. Fergal felt his face tingle, and his hands began to shake at the sights he was seeing. The dream he had was manifesting itself in his mind. He felt like he was going to be sick, seeing the same things he did in his dream got his mind twisted so much and he felt..lost. Just simply lost. He felt like his own thoughts were betraying him and there was no coming back from this. He closed his eyes tight as he sat down on the bench, he honestly didn't even know if he would be able to make it to the bench, but in his mind that the the least of his worries. Primarily he was just trying to get himself to believe what he was seeing is NOT real. Not even remotely. He placed his head in his hands, hanging his head very, very low. He could feel a wave of depression and anxiety was tightly squeezing down on his heart. He felt like he was dying, his limit was being met..There was no helping him here. Nobody would be able to help him. Now his mind was praying that Pam actually didn't come back into the locker room to see him like this. He wanted to lock the door..

Fergal could feel his conscious tearing him down inch by inch..He looked up to see the door, he had to lock it. Fergal slowly got up, his knees were so weak right now it was as if he was going to pass out at any instant. He eventually lumbered over and locked the door, leaning against the door as he continued to hear his phone buzz like mad. He did NOT care who was trying to get a hold of him right now, he was felt as if he was LITERALLY slipping slowly into insanity. Fergal was in a war, a war with his own heart and mind. Was he really right for Pam? Was he always going to be able to piece her back together when she falls apart? Was he wasting her life by not being the perfect guy for her? These thoughts were demolishing his confidence now and it was all due to that goddamn dream. That stupid, stupid little dream has so much power over him, it was incredible actually, just a thought could hurt such a strong, independent person... He felt his blood rapidly flow through his veins as his heart pounded harder and harder, his forehead began to pour out with sweat, a very..cold..sweat... So..This is what an anxiety attack really feels like.

Pam just left Vince's office and felt incredible. The big man in charge just told her that she cut one of the best promos that he has ever seen..There was so much truth in her words, and so much fire behind each one that there was no ignoring her anymore. She was finally recognized for the prize that she is. And nothing could have made her happier. Vince had also told her that he knew she wasn't thrilled about the direction of her creatively. And he also informed her that he is very, very sorry. But for now that is the direction, the last thing he added about that issue was that there is always a possibility of the direction changing, it is the WWE after all. Things can change at a moment's notice. She felt a weird sense of relief, all that worrying and freaking out and if she had just spoken from the heart, then it would have all been avoided. She saw Ashley who was doing the joking bow down thing to Pam. "Alright alright stop.." Pam felt a proud sense of embarrassment set over her. "That was crazy awesome Pam! I'm so proud of you. You popped your promo cherry." Pam giggled and shivered at the raunchy joke, "What does that mean?" Ashley crossed her arms, "You broke out of your little shell of being the goody goody girl. You put your foot down and damn babe. That was awesome to see happen." Ashley praising her like this was incredible, especially coming from a 'Flair' who was bred on promos. "Holy crap dude, thank you so much. That really means like, literally everything coming from you..By the way, how is our little Becks?" Pam was still so worried about how Rebecca was doing and honestly couldn't get the image of her broken friend out of her mind. Ashley shrugged a bit, "She's doing okay. Missing work has her depressed, but I think she's doing really well. She actually said she was on FaceTime with Ferg while you ripped that incredible promo." Pam smiled a bit, but she felt that insecure sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh that's good, I'm glad she had company. I think even though she won't say it, she definitely needs someone to be there for her. After all, she is just a little bay bay." Pam made a silly face and Ashley giggled loudly, "Damn right she's just a little bay bay. She's too tough to admit things like that. But we know better, now don't we?" Pam nodded and giggled, "Yep. Becks is really just a little marshmellow." Ashley giggled yet again, "Perfectly put, doll face." Pam chuckled quietly and couldn't shake that insecure thought out of her mind..It was dwelling and nestling itself exactly where she didn't want it to be. "I'm gonna get back to Fergie Ferg. I'll text you later, buttface." Ashley pouted a bit, "Fine. Poopy head." The child names were hilarious to Pam, and Ashley both to be honest. Pam walked away and waved to Ashley as she peeled away, directioning herself towards the locker room.

Pam was getting better with her insecurity, but at the same time it still tore her apart, she hated the fact that she was just utterly helpless feeling no matter what was going on..It really really sucked ass. But she hung her head, trying to raise her own spirits. She thought that Fergal was getting sick and tired of hearing how insecure she really was. It killed her to know that she couldn't be confident like him..It really dug deep into her heart. Making her almost hate herself when it came to Fergal. Pam exhaled deeply and got back to the locker room, grabbing the handle, she thought for a moment..Thinking on how to not look completely ridiculous in front of Fergal. She took a solid minute to figure out how to smile in front of him so Fergal didn't freak out and worry like he always did about her..But as Pam went to open the door, she felt that it was locked. Which was entirely out of the ordinary, "Fergal? Are you in there baby?" She knocked gently on the door, placing her hand up against it very, very gently. "It's me darling, open up.."

As she waited, a few seconds passed and she heard no word. She was growing more and more worried as the moments peeled onward. "Fergal? Are you even in there baby?" She knocked again, and as she did, she felt the doorknob jiggle and she took a step back. It literally took thirty seconds before the door opened..But when it did she was met with a horrible sight. Fergal was visibly shaken, his forehead was very, very red, and he was clearly still sweating. "Holy..Fergal what happened??" She darted in and wrapped her arms around him, Fergal weakly hugged her back and nestled his head deep into her shoulder. He closed his eyes..tightly gripping them closed. Pam was immediately in concerned mother mode. She held onto him tight and grunted as she helped him over to the bench, setting him down and sitting right next to him. "What happened baby? Did you hit your head? It looks horrible..and why are you sweating so much?" Fergal was shaking periodically, and he shook his head, "Can't take those painkillers anymore..I-They messed with me.." He shook again and Pam glanced over to see the painkiller bottle that was given to him by his doctor, glancing at it and studying the name for a minute. She grabbed her phone and googled it, very curious as to what the hell the doctor had prescribed him..She was growing increasingly more and more angry with the thought of them giving him something that would mess him up this badly. She found out that the pill he had been taking for about a week now had severe side effects of hallucinations and increased levels of anxiety. She furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed the bottle. Scanning it more she took note of how many Fergal had actually taken, she got so worried..And so angry. She squeezed the bottle before throwing it right at the trash. Not noticing if she made it or not, she really didn't care at this point. She now turned her full attention to Fergal and wrapped her arms around him again. "I'm right here baby boy. I'm right here." She held onto her man gently, but firmly..In Fergal's mind he was beginning to regain his sense of everything and it was such a warm, overwhelming feeling of..good. That is the only way to describe it. The fear that previously gripped him was being washed away the longer that Pam held onto him. He finally felt like himself again..It took quite some time to get there. But he was here now. And he was so freaking thankful for that..

"Such a bad dream Pam..I rolled off the bench..Bonked my head on the ground. That..that is why my head is red like this..Hey that rhymed.." Fergal chuckled quietly, and Pam let out a concerned giggle. She still feared for him, especially right now? Goodness gracious this was not okay whatsoever. "Yea? We'll talk about it later..I don't want you even remotely thinking of anything like that. Okay babe? I've got you." Pam meant it, she really didn't want his mind venturing back out into the desolate wasteland that was Fergal's thoughts and fears. "Sounds..sounds like a plan..Hey you smell good.." His hand ran up and down Pam's side gently, she felt good. She loved the sensation of Fergal touching her. It just warmed her entire body to be grabbed by him, it reminded her that her insecurity was just that. Her own insecurity. Fergal needed her, he would be nothing without her, and that wasn't being arrogant or anything. It was just a fact. She needed him, and he needed her. Fergal continued to rub her side, "You know I'd do anything for you, right babe?" Fergal whispered..he was still fearful, needing to remind her that he was ALWAYS there for her. "Of course baby. And I'd do anything for you. I mean anything.." Pam whispered to him and softly kissed him on the top of his head. Fergal eventually sat up on his own strength, looking over at her and smiling. He leaned in and softly kissed her and smiled.