Turn It Up

Short Drop

Speaking from experience, chronic headaches are one of the actual worst things a person can ever experience. And I cannot imagine what it must be like to be a professional wrestler and STILL have said headaches that make it hard to even raise your head off of your pillow. Luckily, doctors are a thing, and Fergal was ready to see one right now. He sat on the little table like a ten year old, waiting for the doctor to burst into the door so this shit show can officially get on the road. Fergal basically knew that these nasty headaches were a direct result of stress; the silent killer. Well let's face facts here; after the last few weeks going down the way that they did? How can he not be overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. It was already impressive enough that he didn't just lose his shit and have a breakdown.. But Fergal knew how to quell those thoughts and feelings. He knew how to get himself under control.. To an extent. The doctor emerged into the room and the two greeted each other warmly. It was not said to be a long appointment, just a follow-up to a previous one that saw Fergal get his head thoroughly examined. The doctor flipped through some pages and sure enough the only cause they both could come up with was the amount of immense stress that Fergal was under. There was nothing wrong neurologically with his brain and there was no sign of damage. Even from wrestling, his brain was healthy and firing on all cylinders. The doctor highly recommended doing some form of meditation, yoga even. Something to relax him and make his mind not twist itself into a stress pretzel. Fergal's appointment was to be followed up a few weeks later to make sure that everything was indeed okay and nothing was missed. Walking out of the hospital, Fergal knew that he had to talk to Pam about this moving in together thing. He had such a weird nagging feeling inside of him, all of this stress, fighting, bickering, badgering.. He was starting to lose his flame with Pam. That basically means that when he thinks about her, that excitement is practically gone with each passing day.. It was weird, days where he didn't see her or talk to her much used to bother the fuck out of him. But now? It almost was a welcomed thing. Fergal began to drive to Pam's apartment where he's sure she was already looking for places to move into and he was almost positive she didn't think like he did.. It was time for Fergal to sadly be forced to suppress yet another thought that he wishes he could address..

Pam was doing exactly that, she was looking for places and she was damn excited about it. The problem was that Pam got so upset when things didn't go right that when that did happen? She got SO bent out of shape and it was almost unfixable for days. Fergal always took the blame for the fights that they had, the way Pam explained herself made Fergal feel as if he was the one who was ALWAYS at fault, there was no joint blame. There was none of that shit. Fergal felt wrong, and Pam always tried to be right. It was not a good feeling for Fergal to have but how and when is a conversation like that appropriate. Trick question; it's never really appropriate. To be honest that thought.. Just sucks to have to deal with and there was no proper way to broach the issue. Fergal just buried it, like he did the rest of the emotions he didn't want to put up with. Arriving at her apartment, he had to put on a happy face, he had to find a way to ignore that lingering pesky thought that he couldn't seem to shake. It was time to talk about the future, and it was time for him to internally figure out if he really wanted to stick with her or not.. Fergal approached the door and before he could even knock Pam swung it open and smiled wide at her man.. At least someone here was excited about this day. "Hey love.." Fergal stepped inside.

Pam greeted him with a hug and kiss on the cheek, Fergal hugged her back as she smiled wide, "I missed you babe. I totally haven't been looking TOO much for places.. But I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't at all.." She winked playfully and tugged him towards the couch as Fergal felt sick to his stomach. He was really having such a hard time getting this shitty thought out of his head and just being happy with her. He loved her to no end don't get me wrong, but after all the damage that was seemingly preventable? It's hard to keep a positive mindset about something so awful that happened all the freaking time. "I found some places here, in Jersey, even a few places in New York. See?" Fergal glanced down at her laptop and his mind was everywhere but here. Pam's places she chose were cute little houses, the New York ones were apartments due to the massive size of the city. Pam looked at Fergal who seemed so troubled, she grabbed his hand and softly rubbed it, "Hey.. Did everything go okay at the appointment? What did they say was making you hurt so much babe.." Pam instantly slapped concerned mode on as she knew that Fergal wasn't telling her something. The peak of Fergal's anxiety was when she asked that question. It was really not something he was willing to talk about for it would actually damage her to no end. "Hm? Oh I'm fine. The appointment went well. Just.. Stressed out. That's all they told me honestly. I don't disagree with them either." Fergal took his first jab at the situation with that comment. It concerned Pam to know that the stress he was going through, primarily caused by her, was leading to him feeling real, physical pain. All of the things they've been through, starting with training together and blowing their coworkers out of the water with their skill and basically choreography; all the way up until now.. Things have never been this tense and painful. "Well. U-um.." Pam closed her laptop slowly. "I'm sorry I asked to talk about this. It's no big deal." She grabbed the computer and rose to her feet. "Lemme go put this away.." Fergal looked up at her and had a sensation of frustration enter his body like a tidal wave. "Wait why? I didn't even say anything.. Why would you do that we were looking at that.." Pam looked down at him, "I don't want to bug you and make you hurt anymore. So we'll look later at some point." Fergal shook his head after she spoke, "I was willing and ready to look now.. I'm fine right now." He was so irritated by that, Pam jumping to conclusions yet again and he was the one holding the bags titled, 'Blame.'

She didn't really listen to him, instead she did what she wanted to do. Walking gingerly up the steps and setting her laptop onto her bed. Pam sat at the edge of her bed and looked down at the floor, paranoia and anxiety were taking over and honestly she was now having the doubts about their relationship. This is so out of the ordinary for the both of them, they honest to god had no idea how or why this was a thing that was happening. Fergal pinned it on Pam's jealousy and inability to talk about things, Pam pinned it on Fergal's oblivious tendency, managing to never really see the damage that's going on right under his nose. Something ugly was bubbling underneath the surface for the both of them, the fact that they haven't had a super huge fight over something like this was incredible. It was even more so amazing that they were engaged and still don't live together. And that is no closer to becoming a reality than it was three days ago. The saying really is true, you never know what to expect from love. At least I think that's a thing that people say, if not than it really rings true for them. Maybe Fergal and Pam just needed super make up sex, maybe they needed a super big fight, or some kind of divine intervention that would allow them to air their problems free of judgement, and fear of being ridiculed.. Who knows at this point..

It was after ten minutes that Fergal went upstairs and knocked lightly on Pam's partially opened door. "You in here?" Pam was softly weeping in her bed and Fergal heard it.. "Hey.. what happened.." He walked inside slowly and sat down next to her, grabbing her thigh gently and squeezing, "Pam, baby. What happened. Why are you crying?" He softly rubbed her leg as she sniffled really loudly now, no need in attempting to hide her feelings anymore. "I feel us drifting. I feel like I'm not the same girl you signed up to be with. What the hell am I even anymore." Pam's words were quite alarming and he was unsure how to attempt consoling her back into normal thinking. "There's nothing wrong with you, we've been through a lot and I'm amazed that we've both managed to stay this sane.. I don't fault you Pam. Literally I understand and I know that your favorite thing of the year is to tell me that I don't understand you. But in all honesty I really do.." Pam turned her head to face him and realized that he was indeed telling the truth.. It was hard to keep telling someone that they don't know anything and they don't understand until that person ACTUALLY does understand what you're talking about. Basically in plain english, Pam told Fergal that he doesn't get it for so long that he actually managed to understand it. And Pam doesn't know how to process that, hence the repetition. "I don't wanna lose you and I feel like I already have started to do so. Please tell me that I'm just going crazy and there's nothing about me that you're sick of.. Please.." Pam just asked Fergal to do the impossible, he couldn't tell her that nothing she did annoyed him, or upset him, or made him angry.. Because that's a lie, she is after all another human being, with thoughts, and opinions, and fears, and wants.. They can't always mesh together perfectly and given how Pam takes differing opinions now a days? It is hard for Fergal to really come to grips with the fact that he can't truly fix the problem. "I can't say that baby. I am sick of the way you think so lowly of me, and the fact that you think I'll go chase Lexi, or Mercedes or anything else with a skirt. I hate that actually.." Fergal was really trying to make Pam realize that things were actually okay and the problems he had with her were not issues that needed to be stressed so badly over. Pam began to lightly shake and Fergal laid her down on the bed, rubbing her belly gently and tracing little hearts into her rather flat stomach.

"I need you to understand that we're different. I need you to understand the fact that yes, as much as we are similar, we also are both so very different from one another that it leads to this.. I need you to realize that my opinion doesn't exist to piss you off. I need you to understand that I don't hate you just because I don't agree with you.." Pam shivered under his touch and began to feel a certain type of way that she has not felt for quite some time now.. She listened to his words and soon it became drowned out with muffles and her mind was wandering. His words calmed her to the point where she wiggled a little bit, "Gimme a butt massage.." Pam rolled over onto her belly and wiggled her butt in the air. Fergal shook his head and knew that the deed was done, he fixed the problem temporarily and made his point. At least now he can no longer say that he didn't try and fix the problem. Fergal began to softly rub Pam's butt and scoop it up, forgetting how actually large her butt really was. She smiled as her face was buried in the blanket. After about five minutes of a stress reducing butt rub, she rolled over to her tummy and rubbed his forearm gently. "Can I take care of you now?" She batted her eyelashes and Fegal thought he knew what she meant, "Do.. you mean?" He raised an eyebrow as Pam bit down harshly on her bottom lip, "Yes.. That is exactly what I mean baby.." Fergal nodded, "I think we deserve this.."